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To be upset after overhearing someone bitching about me?

(38 Posts)
TimeToMuskUp Wed 24-Feb-16 22:43:02

I went to a meeting this evening and as I walked up the drive could hear a conversation going on (front door closed, bunch of women with loud, resonating voices, quiet area, no chance of mishearing) and could plainly hear one of the women there saying to the others "who the fuck takes their kids to xxx place for tea, it's pathetic, I saw she'd tagged herself there on Facebook, pretentious cow".

xxx place is the place we went to with the DCs during half term, not necessarily the sort of place we'd always visit but I thought it would be a treat and we had a full day out doing DC-friendly stuff before and after.

I knocked loudly and went in, nobody mentioned it and the meeting went on. AIBU to be cross that they clearly sat and bitched about the places I visit with the DC? And why do they have the right to do that? I know I shouldn't give a toss but it really stung. I'm BU to care, aren't I?

Stratter5 Wed 24-Feb-16 22:45:21

I don't think you are, I'd be really upset as well. I think you did well not to march in and say fuck the lot of you.

Is this meeting something you have to do? Or can you ditch it if you want?

AStreetcarNamedBob Wed 24-Feb-16 22:46:06

I totally get that it must suck to overhear this BUT ask yourself HONESTLY have you ever passed comment on someone else? Or someone's kids or parenting choices?

It'd be a liar who said they'd never had a bitch about someone. These people were just stupid enough to be overheard.

MadamDeathstare Wed 24-Feb-16 22:49:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TimeToMuskUp Wed 24-Feb-16 22:51:20

Haha yep, Bob I have, absolutely. Your post made me laugh, actually, because it puts an entirely different perspective on it when I was really cross. I try not to pass comment on people's children and parenting, because you really don't know a situation til you're in it. But ask me about the SIL or one of the women I work with and I'd rant all day!

Stratter it's something I choose to do as it's part of a charity thing for one of the DCs groups, so although I can leave, I'd be reluctant to unless I really had to.

startingmylifeagain Wed 24-Feb-16 22:51:30

YANBU to feel upset and angry.
Are these women people you consider friends?
See, I would never talk like that about someone I consider a friend but then again I'm not a two faced bitch.

I would actually struggle not to confront these women and I would be very hurt if they're meant to be pals.

RubyRoseViolet Wed 24-Feb-16 22:51:47

Yanbu. That's just really nasty. I'm surprised you didn't say something.

Almostfifty Wed 24-Feb-16 22:53:24

See, I would have made some comment so that they knew I'd heard them.

And watched them squirm.

Oysterbabe Wed 24-Feb-16 22:55:09

I think we have to accept that bitching happens we just usually don't hear it. Isn't there a saying something like if we heard what our friends said about us behind our back we wouldn't have any?
Yanbu though.

RudeElf Wed 24-Feb-16 22:55:31

I'd have walked in and "innocently" started telling them about xxx place that you took kids to for tea over half term and how some folk think its pretentious but it was simply divine and how they should really all try it. Whilst looking directly at the woman who said it. grin

TimeToMuskUp Wed 24-Feb-16 22:56:39

The one who said it has texted me since the meeting with 'hun' at the end. And kisses.

It's as though she's deliberately trying to rile me now.

TimeToMuskUp Wed 24-Feb-16 22:57:06

RudeElf I wish I had the balls to do that!

imwithspud Wed 24-Feb-16 22:58:48

YANBU. I'd be hurt if I overheard someone bitching about me, especially over something that seems so petty, I would be wondering what else was being said about me.

That said, I would be lying if I said I'd never passed comment on anyone else, which feel a little hypocritical now I think about it. Don't think I'd ever be quite so brazen about it though.

cocochanel21 Wed 24-Feb-16 23:00:32

That happened to me. I overheard my sil talking about me and my dd who'd recently died. I carried on with the lunch somehow. I was devastated and wish I had spoken up at the time.

My DH went mad when I told him we now have no contact with her I also lost a friend over it.

It's a horrible thing to happen to you, hope your okflowers

startingmylifeagain Wed 24-Feb-16 23:01:16

"The one who said it has texted me since the meeting with 'hun' at the end. And kisses."

^This woman is not your friend.

ovenchips Wed 24-Feb-16 23:03:22

Ouch. Yes, that would have really stung me too. Poor thing.

Yes, I certainly bitch/ gossip about others (mainly to my husband and behind closed doors) but like you, I don't tend to pass much comment about others' parenting etc. And I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable being in a whole room of people talking like that about someone who was going to arrive imminently.

I hope that once the initial sting wears off you can feel good about yourself for carrying on and joining the meeting - I think that shows great

RudeElf Wed 24-Feb-16 23:04:23

RudeElf I wish I had the balls to do that!

Well why not? What's the worst that would happen? A nasty person gets embarrassed at being caught out. Nothing to be afraid of.

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 24-Feb-16 23:11:36

She's trying to find out if you heard. I'd be very short in response. And block her on FB the miserable cow.

Slutbucket Wed 24-Feb-16 23:13:34

This is where Facebook becomes your friend. Obviously you are going to talk about your love of this restaurant. Something like..., call me pretentious but was just thinking how much I would like to eat favourite meal from xxxx! Definitely have to go their soon! grin

thegiddylimit Wed 24-Feb-16 23:29:16

These aren't friends, they are people you do charity work with. As PPs have said we all do it at times so you have to take it on the chin. I don't bitch about my friends (because they are my friends and I like them) but I do bitch about work colleagues/people I know vaguely/friends of friends/etc. I have heard other people bitch about me and frankly found it both strangely fascinating and amusing. Just remember what Burns said:

O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
It wad frae mony a blunder free us,
An' foolish notion:
What airs in dress an' gait wad lea'e us,
An' ev'n devotion!

LeaLeander Wed 24-Feb-16 23:29:26

I agree with Slutbucket. Post some more pix with "call me pretentious but we are booked again on XX date - the kids just loved it! They're practising how to crook their little finger as we speak!" LOL

MadamDeathstare Wed 24-Feb-16 23:31:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xmasbaby11 Wed 24-Feb-16 23:31:57

I'd be a bit hurt but it's par for the course on Facebook - it's really hard to post anything without someone thinking badly of you! It's not much of an insult in the scheme of things. If they'd said anything insulting about my kids, I'd hit the roof. I often have negative or critical thoughts about others' Facebook posts and I don't vocalise them, but i can imagine others do.

NinjaLeprechaun Wed 24-Feb-16 23:36:08

I've had people comment (some to my face!) that I'm pretentious for doing or liking certain things...
I just judge them silently in return for being uncultured peasants. grin

MrsSeanBean Wed 24-Feb-16 23:37:54

I'd post what slutbucket said, give friend time to see it, then block her. Alternatively have done with Facebook altogether, it really is the devil's work sometimes IMHO, the grief and stress it causes.

A good way to judge the character of 'friends' is to listen to how they talk about mutual friends to you. Because they will talk about you in the same way to others. Always works. A discreet friend won't talk about others, or you, IME. HTH.

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