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AIBU?

DD's party invites. AIBU to exclude girl who excludes DD.

64 replies

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 24/02/2016 22:04

DD is planning her 13th birthday celebration.

As a bit of background (a bit long, sorry) when DD started secondary all of her friends went to different schools so she has nobody from her old school in her class. She has taken a while to settle and find friends. At the end of Y7 she thought she was in a friendship group of 4 as well as being on the edges of other groups. She was a little closer to one of the group (A) as she lives nearby and they sometimes walk home together. But the 4 of them hung out together at lunch and breaks and sometimes went out after school. A couple of months ago DD found out that one of the 4, (B), had had a sleepover and excluded DD. Nothing mentioned but pics on FB. This happened three times. DD was hurt but being sensible decided not to make a fuss but drift more towards other groups. She is now closer to other groups and is fine. She still walks home with A occasionally.

So now it's coming up to her birthday and one of the activities she's looking at would limit numbers to 12. She's definitely inviting her new groups and as she went to A and C's parties, she wants to invite them too. So that makes the 12. She wouldn't be able to invite B, who has been excluding her. If she wanted to invite her she'd have to think of something else.

So what to do? I regularly read on MN how it is not on to exclude just one person in a group. However as this girl clearly doesn't think of DD as a friend I'm not convinced she should change her plans just so that she can invite her.

Wise fellow MNetters please advise.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 24/02/2016 22:07

I think you're overthinking it. Get her to choose the activity she wants. Get her to choose the guest list. She's not inviting the whole class bar 1 and she's not excluding to be mean.

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miraclebabyplease · 24/02/2016 22:08

What goes around comes around. Do the activity she wants to do.

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dementedpixie · 24/02/2016 22:09

She can invite who she wants
I wouldn't over think it

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Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/02/2016 22:10

I hate kids being excluded, but let her and her parents get a taste of their own medicine

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DancingDinosaur · 24/02/2016 22:10

I think she should do as she wants.

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janethegirl2 · 24/02/2016 22:11

Invite who your dd wants, ignore the 'friend' that excludes your dd.

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Tigresswoods · 24/02/2016 22:11

Do it but no photos on social media. No need to stoop to their lows.

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ExitPursuedByABear · 24/02/2016 22:12

B clearly doesn't see them as a group. So no harm in not inviting her.

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ollieplimsoles · 24/02/2016 22:13

Your DD should absolutely do the activity she wants for her birthday, screw the other girl!

And good on your DD for handling being left out in a really grown up way.

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MLGs · 24/02/2016 22:13

Yes, let DD chose the 12 kids she wants (or 11 if it's 12 including DD).

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SquinkiesRule · 24/02/2016 22:13

Let her pick who she wants, why should she change plans for someone who clearly doesn't want her included in the group.

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SaucyJack · 24/02/2016 22:14

I think your DD should invite who she wants.

Either this girl is a moobag who deserves it, or (with no ill feeling) her and your DD are simply not close.

Either way, chuck it in the fuckit bucket.

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WorraLiberty · 24/02/2016 22:15

She's 13

I think you need to take a step back and let her invite who she wants.

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BathtimeFunkster · 24/02/2016 22:17

YANBU

Leaving someone out is mean. But she is distancing herself from this girl due to being left out herself and hurt by it.

Forcing her to invite under these circumstances would send a very odd message to her.

She has done really well in dealing with a hurtful situation. Inviting the person who hurt would be a backwards step.

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scarlets · 24/02/2016 22:18

At 13, it's her choice. It sounds to me as if B doesn't think that they're particularly close anyway, so shouldn't be surprised.

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BillSykesDog · 24/02/2016 22:19

When I opened this I thought you were going to say you were just leaving her out for no reason. But there is a numbers restriction and B doesn't invite her to her parties etc. It's a no brainer, just don't invite her. DD shouldn't have to change her plans to invite someone who isn't her friend.

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MissBeaHaving · 24/02/2016 22:19

I agree with all the other pp,let your Dd invite who she wants.

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Twowrongsdontmakearight · 24/02/2016 22:25

Thank you everyone for your replies. I will let DD choose who to invite. It's very strange because I don't really know her friends nowadays. And definitely no FB pics. It would seem appropriate.

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Twowrongsdontmakearight · 24/02/2016 22:25

Wouldn't seem appropriate !

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MrsTerryPratchett · 24/02/2016 22:26

Either way, chuck it in the fuckit bucket. It's rare I LOL while looking like this Grin instead of writing it while looking like Hmm This was one of those times.

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WorraLiberty · 24/02/2016 22:30

I don't think it's fair to stop her posting pics of her 13th Birthday on FB, if that's what she wants to do.

The others are bound to anyway.

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Italiangreyhound · 24/02/2016 22:32

Your dd should do as she likes and invite who she likes.

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sleeponeday · 24/02/2016 22:32

She's not inviting the whole class bar 1 and she's not excluding to be mean.

This. If she asks someone who never asks her it would IMO be sending the wrong message to both girls - that yours is a supplicant, essentially. As long as she is pleasant and kind, and is returning party favours to the two girls who do see her as a friend, then all is well. (I am assuming excluding girl didn't invite her to her own party, either.)

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MadamDeathstare · 24/02/2016 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 24/02/2016 22:37

No. I don't think excluding girl
had a party - or if she did, DD wasn't invited.

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