neighbour been two faced

[ddeemummy]

Lived here nearly 4 years. Never had any problems with our joined on neighbours. A middle aged couple always nice to our face and they know our situation with our sn kids and theyve been understanding so far. We always appologise if weve had abad night or whatever. And fine

Today another neighbour has told me that theyve been cpmplaining about us, and that they are 1 step away from selling up. So i asked neighbour who told me this why have they never said anything and she said because they know you do your best

I actually thought kids had been a lot calmer recently and neighbours are nice as pie to us even gave my youngest a bday card with 2.00 in for her bday other week. And the guy is into his cars like my mr and always fiddling about under a bonnet together

Why cant people be honest. I will obviously have another word when see them im feeling quite upset that they cant be honest. I txt my husband and he said am i sure other neighbour is not just stirring but not sure why she would!

Wwyd?

[ddeemummy]

For some reason this has been posted twice. Please delete one if possible

[DonkeyOaty]

I think the neighbour who is relaying is having a shit stir. Ignore.

[Creampastry]

They have tried to be nice to you and clearly understand, or at least think they understand, that there is only so much that can be done, and used other neighbours as a sounding board. Plus if they are thinking of selling then they don't want to get into a fight with you as this would have to be declared. What do you hope to achieve by fronting them out again? They really haven't done anything that bad.

[Twitterqueen]

Maybe they have been a bit two-faced but really - it was done with the kindest of motives. Would have preferred them to be complaining all the time to you, and moaning about how awful your DCs are? That would surely have made you feel bad and extremely stressed all the time!

And why confront them? In their minds - and mine too tbh, they were just being kind.

[Hygge]

Maybe she (the neighbour who spoke to you) is the one with the problem, but she doesn't want to be upfront so she's making it up that the other neighbours said these things?

Either way, passing something like that on is stirring.

[ddeemummy]

I know its not bad but thought we were on good terms. If we are reasons tbey maybe wanting to move then obviously im a little sad about that

[MagratsFlyawayHair]

Or maybe they are thinking of moving because the neighbour who fed the info to you interferes and annoys them but couldn't stand saying that so blamed you. I really would just let it all go. If they're moving anyway possibly it's not worth any aggro.

[ddeemummy]

I dont mean confront as in ask why this second neighbour has said this I mean like make them aware that they can come to us if things do get too much.

I guess i was just a little surprised

[BlueRaptor]

I think although it's hard to see as you're a bit upset, it was probably meant with the best intentions. Your neighbours seem very caring (understanding about the kids, giving little gifts for their birthday like you said) and perhaps don't want to upset you or cause any more stress and were just having a little vent to their other neighbours with no idea it'd get back to you. Try not to worry.

[ZiggyFartdust]

Why can't people be honest? What's the point, most of the time, they might as well tell you they don't mind the noise etc, they know you can't help it and they are understanding, but its still hard for them, if your family is disruptive to them.
I would see it as a nice thing, they tell you its fine so as to not make you feel bad. Why would you want them to upset you with honesty?

[CantChoose]

When my neighbour misses his late wife he plays their favourite songs very loudly. We tell him we don't mind but it actually is quite a disturbance. I'd never dream of moaning to him because it is something he finds comforting and he's otherwise an excellent neighbor. I don't think your neighbour is being 'two-faced'; as your other neighbour said, they know you do your best, so what good would it do to complain to you other than make you feel bad? I think they are just being kind. Your other neighbour had no business breaking that.

[Wombatinabathhat]

I have to say that I would not want to live next door to very noisy children, but you say that your DC have sn. I assume there is not much that you can do if your dc make a lot of noise. I would not want to upset you by complaining about the noise if it can't be helped. What would be the point? It does not mean that I don't like you or your dc, just that I can't tolerate the noise. Hope that makes sense

[ddeemummy]

Thanks ladies. I guess it is a bit of an over reaction on my part. Just upsettig that if its true they would move because of us would hate to loose such nice neighbours also

[Georgina1975]

I agree with Creampastry. They realise that you are doing your best, so probably see no point in complaining. Perhaps should have "sounded off" to people that have no contact with you though.

You have to think about what you want to achieve in the end TBH. Other people's noise can be really hard - esp. If it is "unsociable hours" and it is okay for them not to like it. They can like your family and struggle with the noise - not mutually exclusive.

I would probably let them know the neighbour had told me what they said though - just a straightforward FYI.

[ddeemummy]

I wouldnt say we are overly noisy. My daughter wakes during the night but shes actually quite good now ahe used to cry and have a melt down when tried to re settle her but now its easier. Theres also the meltdowns off both kids but not a regular thing at moment. The noise is jist general playing. They both make loud squeeling noises but been advised to not stop son doing that as its his little quirk

[LifeofI]

Could be a stir because they are the ones with issues with your kids. I wouldnt say anything

[ddeemummy]

I will probilly just leave saying anything for now dont want to fall out. Will have try keep them bit quieter when playing maybe.

[ddeemummy]

The lady lives over road my kids dont play out on street so she wouldnt have any issues unless ahe can hear them in ba k garden

[Rainbunny]

Think of it this way OP, your neighbours were only being "two faced" in the way that everyone who posts on this site could be viewed as two-faced. We all need someplace to vent and they clearly don't want to hurt your feelings about something you can't help in any case. Perhaps they are very close to the neighbour who told you, they obviously didn't think this person would tattle to you. What was the point of this person telling you this anyway? It would only upset you, I think this was her cowardly way of complaining about noise and blaming it on the other neighbours. Also, I'd take what she says with a pinch of salt, it's highly likely they have many good reasons for moving, not just noise. Again, consider if the other neighbour might be trying to use it as a way to make it all about noise issues.

[Georgina1975]

I always think we're the worst judges of our own noise. I was appalled years ago at how loud my music was in a neighbour's flat until I went into that flat with my music on. It was on a relatively low setting, but really carried through.

In your situation I would be curious to know the exact issue. Maybe they just would prefer quite (possibly child free) neighbour's. Again though, nothing against you personally.

[MrsJorahMormont]

Let them get on with moving away if they want to. Personally, I think the other neighbour is shit stirring (jealousy maybe? Boredom? Who knows. People are strange).

I would pretend your shit stirring neighbour had never opened her sodding mouth and carry on as normal, doing what you can to minimise noise, which is just being neighbourly frankly.

[pippistrelle]

Calling them two-faced is a bit over the top. They owe you no duty of honesty, and as they recognise that you're doing your best, they've actually been exceptionally nice in not complaining at you, although they may, in fact, be bothered.

Not every thought or emotion needs to be voiced to all involved.

[MrsSeanBean]

They are entitled to an opinion and to want to move. Sounds like they have been pleasant enough neighbours.

People will always express things privately which they wouldn't want to say to someone's face. It's not like they have said they hate you, just that they want to move. I think however they were indiscreet to mention it to anybody else (I.e. Other neighbour) who is equally indiscreet to mention it to you, by the sounds of it.

I really wouldn't lose sleep over this. Just carry on as normal.

[Chattymummyhere]

I get on with my neighbour, however their are certain things that bug the hell out of me but it's not stuff they can change without it really affecting their lives. It would be up there on my list of reasons to move. I wouldn't ever tell them though as their lovely people and I wouldn't want to upset them.

I have no doubt moaned to someone else who lives down the street just as they have moaned to me about things that bug them about certain people in the area.

I would question the motives of the "nice" person who shared this information with you knowing it would upset you.

[SisterMoonshine]

If you say your DC have got better, maybe the neighbour is out of date.
She could be refering to a conversation she had with your next door neighbour a while ago.