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to not know what to do

(21 Posts)
whatstheworstthatcanhappen1 Tue 23-Feb-16 21:39:57

I am feeling incredible down at the moment and just don't know how to fix it.

I have had periods like this before but have managed to get on top of it. but now it just seems to be getting worse and have really bad anxiety too.

so the things that are making me anxious are, I passed my driving test in September but have severe anxiety whenever I even think about getting in the car so make every excuse not too. As my husband doesn't drive this puts a lot of pressure on me.

Money is a big stress, kids never stop growing and struggling to always afford even the basics for them, I am trying to develop at work so I can earn more to solve this. This brings me on to my next stress of work, I have a new role that I am supporting in that is a lot more responsibility than I get paid for but gives me the experience to go into something higher but it is incredibly stressful.

I just don't know where to start to sort out all my stress (I know that this is nothing compared to what some people are going through) I don't know whether it's time to go to the doctors to get something to help?

I have a constant headache and am struggling to even muster the strength to do the basic jobs at the min.

allsunshineandroses Tue 23-Feb-16 21:42:16

I'm sorry you feel like this OP. I'd suggest going to have a chat with your GP. flowers

ghostyslovesheep Tue 23-Feb-16 21:44:19

yes please talk to your GP you sound exhausted x

ssd Tue 23-Feb-16 21:44:26

I'm sorry too. I'd suggest a good multi vit and a chat to the gp...and as much sleep as you can get.

whatstheworstthatcanhappen1 Tue 23-Feb-16 21:48:54

I just don't like the idea of anti depressants, don't want it to feel like my happiness is fake!

I am always so tired no matter how much sleep I have.

I think it's my only option though.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Tue 23-Feb-16 21:52:09

Friend recently on anti depressants - it makes her feel normal - rather than "happy"

She has in the last few months sorted her house painted several bedrooms stripped the hall applied and got a job she's going on a few coarses to improve her career for the next stage!!

It's not a huge deal to help you through

Shakey15000 Tue 23-Feb-16 21:56:45

Do you need to drive? As in, could you manage using public transport only? I say this as I am a shit driver and it causes me immense stress, being behind a wheel. No amount of "ooh you just need to get your confidence back" or "just have some more lessons/practice" will make me change my mind. But I'm older and more assertive now so feel able to say "NO. It's bigger than that thanks" etc.

I also have depression which I manage on my own now with my own coping strategy, self devised. It's not always possible and sometimes I have to give it "it's legs". I was hospitalised previously and on anti d's (not for years now) so it was quite bad and I've come a long way.

Have you ruled out any medical reasons for tiredness? (thyroid/blood tests)

whatstheworstthatcanhappen1 Tue 23-Feb-16 22:02:15

I think the driving is the main issue. I am managing not driving to and from work at the moment but my son plays a lot of football and some matches are quite far away, I have managed to get him lifts.for the past few weeks but no luck this week. so already stressing about it.

I'm not a bad driver really just get really stressed that I'm not in control of the car, mainly when stopping on hills.

It's really getting me down, don't think the tiredness is medical but it's worth me getting that checked.

ssd Tue 23-Feb-16 22:06:31

take a mutli vit with iron, your levels sound low

Shakey15000 Tue 23-Feb-16 22:20:05

Just that it may help to whittle down the "whys" of why you might feel this way? So if you make a plan of action asitwere to get to the bottom of it as in "Right, rule out anything medical for the tiredness, budget as low as we can, persevere with the work thing using the speculate to accumulate mantra, do as much as I can ref organising lifts etc".

All these things might help you feel more in control. Some things you might not be able to have much control over and sometimes it can seem a relief, even if it's just recognising that.

I think smile

Guiltypleasures001 Tue 23-Feb-16 22:22:16

OP just quickly sorry

Re the car and hills why not get an automatic, problem solved wink

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Tue 23-Feb-16 22:23:00

I was rubbish at hill starts until I moved somewhere hilly - it's just practise

HeddaGarbled Tue 23-Feb-16 22:24:05

You are overstretched. Extra responsibility at work, money worries, juggling all your family commitments plus the driving on top. No wonder you are struggling.

You should be proud of yourself though. Passing your driving test, being given extra responsibility at work, holding the family together, even managing to get all those lifts to football for your son.

I definitely think you should talk to your GP. You aren't superwoman, you need some support. Speaking of which, does your husband know that you are struggling?

I remember that feeling of terror and incompetence when first driving independently. My big issues were turning right at traffic lights, using roundabouts and slip roads onto motorways or dual carriageways. I would go longer routes just to avoid these things! Also, I could not park unless I had about half the car park to myself. So, I completely understand your feelings. I promise, it does get better with practice and the independence is wonderful (still can't park though).

PricklyHodgeheg Tue 23-Feb-16 22:34:37

flowers speak to your GP, they should involve you with any decisions about treatment, whether it's counseling, medication or both. Also get your iron checked by the gp, if your are anaemic it won't help the other issues you are having.
I know you said money is tight but is there any way you could get some additional diving lessons or even practice with an experienced friend or relative to build your confidence?

How does DH feel about your financial situation? Is he as worried about it as you are? Sound like you feel under a lot of pressure to earn more... Is he doing anything to help?

whatstheworstthatcanhappen1 Tue 23-Feb-16 23:07:33

An automatic would be a dream but not financially an option right now.

Hedda that made me cry a bit! your right I should be proud and I tell myself that all the time and thinks it's time to put an end to it controlling me but just stuck at the moment.
my husband knows how I feel at the moment, he is more concerned about the headaches as it wiped me out for a few days last week, luckily I had booked them off work.

my husband is worried about money too but he's not a worrier like me so he panics when we have no money for kids clothes etc but he has no drive to better the situation by earning more.

I have had to use a clothes bank recently which was soul destroying but my daughter needed clothes and I didn't have a choice.

Crabbitface Tue 23-Feb-16 23:42:12

It makes me sad to read things like "I don't my happiness to be fake" when discussing mental health medication. It's sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and a stress management course may help. However, should you and your doctor ever decide that you would benefit from ads try to view them as you would any other medication. If someone's thyroid isn't working then they will take synthetic hormones to normalize and control their symptoms. You wouldn't suggest that their health was "fake". This really isn't a dig OP. It's just that I feel very strongly that people should not fear something that can prevent them from becoming even more ill.

Having said all of that I really think you could benefit from a talking therapy. My health board runs stress management courses that are a general guide to starting mentally healthy. If required you could also think about CBT for anxiety about driving and work.

I hope you start to feel more in control soon. flowers

Fatmomma99 Tue 23-Feb-16 23:52:49

I hate to say this, but I think this is one of those (very rare) scenarios where MN can't really help you - you need a RL friend.

I can tell you that you sound fantastic, and like you're achieving loads, but you used the word "stressed" a LOT in your post.

Ok, so you need to find ways where you can to take the stress out of your life. Driving is practice - for most people, the more you do the easier you'll find it, so this will hopefully resolve itself. Also, could your DH not learn to drive too?

RE your work promotion - that's scary (everything you've mentioned is scary, so don't be down on yourself for being scared - that's just a natural reaction. It's how you deal with being scared that counts. And from what you've said, you are scared to drive, but you drive. You are scared to do your job, but you do your job - you ARE facing your demons and conquering them, even if it doesn't feel like it to you at the moment!). Going back to your work thing. Just keep doing it, I'm sure you're doing fine.

I'm sure you're doing fine in all of it, you just don't feel like you are. Be proud of yourself, and cut yourself some slack - everyone's allowed to make a mistake or two.

Go you!

WonkoTheSane42 Wed 24-Feb-16 01:56:20

"I just don't like the idea of anti depressants, don't want it to feel like my happiness is fake!"

I don't like the idea of painkillers, don't want to feel like my lack of pain is fake.

I don't like the idea of epilepsy medication, don't want to feel like not having seizures is fake.

I don't like the idea of insulin, don't want to feel like my glucose levels are fake.

You get the point I'm sure. Anxiety and depression are just as real as any other illness and you should treat them as such. You'd go to the doctor if you had any other illness that so severely impacted your life, right?

TitClash Wed 24-Feb-16 04:36:26

Have you had your thyroid and iron levels checked? There may be an underlying medical cause for some of how you are feeling.
I can totally sympathise with you about the driving stress, but to be brutally honest the more you drive the better you will become at controlling the car. Would it help to plan your routes in advance? You can even use Google Earth to find the easiest routes.
Plus driving lessons dont have to stop just because you pass your test. You can get an instructor to take you on the motorway for example.

whatstheworstthatcanhappen1 Wed 24-Feb-16 09:06:00

Thank you to everyone that made me realise that any medication for mental health is the same as any other medication, you are so right.

I went to the doctors last week, mainly about my headaches but Did mention the anxiety. He gave me some medication that he said would help both but to be honest I haven't noticed a change. my doctors is hit and miss to which doctor you see, some are useless and don't really seem to care.

I will definitely go back to the doctors and try and see better one. In the meantime hopefully my driving will become easier.

I do need to speak to someone about it in rl but not really anyone. my husband is very supportive but he has the opinion that mental health is about strength of mind and as much as he will still listen and support me I can't help but feel like he thinks I'm weak for not just getting on with things.

Thanks for everyone's help and advise.

Crabbitface Wed 24-Feb-16 14:21:22

I'm sorry your husband feels that way and that you can't rely on him for support when you need him. When you go to see your gp ask her/him about any talking therapies that are available. There could even be an nhs funded online cbt programme that you could follow. In the meantime have a look online for some mindfulness techniques that you could use when feeling anxious. There are some very simple techniques that can stop your thoughts from racing into worry.

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