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AIBU to consider having another baby?

(46 Posts)
Bishopsbuddy Tue 23-Feb-16 21:33:49

I have 4 gorgeous children. Aged 4 up to 16. I'm 41. Am I too old to have an other baby. My husband and I are seriously talking about another. He is 45. Are wee too old?

Nogoodblood Tue 23-Feb-16 21:34:40

I don't think you are too old, at all.

cornishglos Tue 23-Feb-16 21:35:44

No. Everyone is living longer these days x

Xmasbaby11 Tue 23-Feb-16 21:38:30

Not too old. I have several friends having Dcs in theit forties. If you can handle it, go for it!

KatieT12 Tue 23-Feb-16 21:39:02

I personally wouldn't, not because I think you're too old, but because when your youngest DC is 30, you'll be in your 70s! I'm not saying it's a bad think, but not something I'd particularly consider (unless I hadn't any DC and it was my one and only). Mind you, my cut off point is 3, max! Go for it, if you really want to and by the sounds of it you are, but just remember all the compilations due to you being 'old*er*'!

KatieT12 Tue 23-Feb-16 21:39:14

*complications

Nogoodblood Tue 23-Feb-16 21:41:17

Why would that be a problem Katie?

Genuine question smile

Needmorewine Tue 23-Feb-16 21:44:10

No I don't think so at all. You've had four DC already - you know what's involved grin. Go for it if it's what you want and your DH is on board !

ANiceSliceOfCake Tue 23-Feb-16 21:45:14

There are no right answers, My mum had me when she was 46, she sadly died when I was 31, she never saw me get married or have children. I'm not going to lie. It's tough, really tough.

I never normally comment when people ask if they think they are too old, as only they can make that choice though. Sorry if that's not exactly what you wanted to hear though.

Nogoodblood Tue 23-Feb-16 21:47:28

I am 35 and have no surviving parents - they died when I was 17 and 32 respectively. It is tough, but it can happen at any age, it really can. Plus I am fine now.

My worry here would be the financial and emotional impact on existing children, not age.

KatieT12 Tue 23-Feb-16 21:48:11

Nogoodblood - the being in your 70s? It really isn't a problem at all, just something I'd personally not pick to do, only because what if your DC doesn't want children until later on? You might miss your grandchildren growing up (of course you can't be sure anyway). Just personal opinion I suppose, I'm not trying to sound arsey blush

Nogoodblood Tue 23-Feb-16 21:49:41

I didn't think you were trying to sound arsey at all smile I genuinely wondered if there was something significant about 70s I didn't know grin

caitlinohara Tue 23-Feb-16 21:58:01

Are you sure that you wouldn't always want one more? I'm asking because I am 38 and have 3 dcs, the youngest being 4, and I have started to feel broody from time to time, but I know it's just because he's off to school in September and things will change. I can't think of a single way in which another baby would be good for my family though, and perhaps yours is different. For me it all comes down to money - I couldn't justify the others having less just because I felt like having another.

Xmasbaby11 Tue 23-Feb-16 22:06:32

My mum had me late (39) and I had my dc late too (35 and 37). My parents and dh's parents were in their seventies when our dc were born. They are all in reasonable health but they don't have much energy and struggle physically eg cannot pick up dc. They are sad they won't live to see their gc grow up. And Dh and I will face the challenge of our parents getting frail whilst still having young dc to look after.

Bishopsbuddy Tue 23-Feb-16 22:07:20

Thanks for all the responses. We are lucky that financially another baby isn't going to be a problem. I'm not sure wether as a previous poster said that I'm broody cos my youngest is off to school. It's something I need to think about. In the mean time I'll keep my cool in. I just need to look at my other half and I'm up the duff.

ILoveACornishPasty Tue 23-Feb-16 22:09:24

We have five sons, I'm 36. Have absolutely not sewn it up yet! If you can afford it, if you're healthy, if your children are happy, do it X

Bragadocia Tue 23-Feb-16 22:10:30

Well, we can say with absolute certainty that if the OP didn't have this last child, there is no possibility at all of her seeing any grandchildren he/she could provide!

Katenka Wed 24-Feb-16 05:59:19

It's very personal.

My pregnancy days were over at 29.

Partly because of the point katie made. My nana had a child very late on and passed away, in her 70s. My auntie (that child) struggled very much when nana passed away and she was quite young.

Partly because I had two and didn't want to spend all my thirties with small babies like I had in my twenties.

I also find myself asking on these threads 'how do you know you won't want anymore?'.

My mum admits she is still broody now at 60. She never lost that feeling that she would like one more child. So I think some people don't.

Having said that, I don't disagree or have an opinion on other people being older mums/dads and certainly don't think anyone should make the same decision as I have. Different things are right for different people.

AppleCrumbled Wed 24-Feb-16 06:32:50

I agree with pp it is very personal but since you ask I say go for it, your 4 year old will have a sibling closer in age and the older 3 will be around to help if you or dh are not or need caring for, so it's not like dc5 will be an only which I think imho would be tough for the child in later years with older parents.

My DH is the same age as yours and his big thing worry was still having primary school children in his mid 50's and just not having the energy. Hopefully your older DC will be able to help out with babysitting, weekends away, activities etc when you and dh need some time alone.

wannaBe Wed 24-Feb-16 06:58:18

It is unreasonable to take the older DC into the equation as babysitters etc when deciding to have another baby.

The majority of them will be off living their own lives in the next five years, may be off at uni etc and may not want to be relied on for looking after younger siblings. If you want to have a baby when you already have much older children then it should be on the understanding that you are the one doing all the childcare, running around etc. Drop-offs/pick-ups/waiting up all night for teenager to get home in my 60's? Personally not a chance. Also will you be financially in a position to put two children through uni when you're in your mid 60's?

Yes age is no respecter of mortality, however Health is more likely to deteriorate as you get older, and the children will lose their parents younger, possibly at a time in their lives when they are starting their own families.

The decision to have a baby in my mid 40's would also have to take into consideration whether I thought it would be fair to potentially have my children need to consider my care needs when they themselves are starting out their own families etc. And in my mid 40's it would also have to take into account whether I would be able to cope with the greater possibility of having a child with additional needs.

For me, if I fell pregnant in my 40's I couldn't have a termination. But I wouldn't plan to fall pregnant...

Katenka Wed 24-Feb-16 07:04:32

It is unreasonable to take the older DC into the equation as babysitters etc when deciding to have another baby

Agree with this. Anyone having. A bay should plan and expect to be caring for their baby. Not expecting help from their older children.

Also I don't think people should be having babies because it means there is more likely to have someone who can care for you in old age.

I am aware it wasn't the op that raises these points.

HeteronormativeHaybales Wed 24-Feb-16 07:11:58

Absolutely what wannabe and Katenka said. I have just had no. 3 with a 10- and 8-year gap to the older ones and I will not be using them as babysitters. We may offer them the opportunity to babysit - for money, of course - when they are old enough, but there will be no assumption that that is their responsibility. I also really do not want my children caring for me in my old age - I would rather be in a care home and know they are off living their lives.

I'm 38 and this one is my last; 3 is my personal limit. You are older than I'd like to be having my last baby, tbh, and you will have to take into account the increased risk of miscarriage, genetic issues and complications, but it's a very personal decision.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 24-Feb-16 07:12:45

It's too old for me.

It's very personal though.

BathtimeFunkster Wed 24-Feb-16 07:16:08

I wouldn't.

What would a baby add to family life?

You'd have to go through the whole baby and toddler stage again, which will tie you up.

I don't know... when you already have four children and the eldest is only a couple of years off flying the nest, I just can't see why you'd add a new baby into the mix.

You're not too old, and if you had no kids and this was your chance to be a mother I'd get it.

But it seems to me that your life (as a family) is about to move into an exciting new phase with no pre-schoolers in the mix, and you are going to delay that (again?) by having a new baby.

Delay it past the point you can ever have it, because your eldest will be gone by the time any new baby is 4.

Jw35 Wed 24-Feb-16 07:36:47

Go for it!

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