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Children's furniture argument

(66 Posts)
Squashybanana Tue 23-Feb-16 21:04:38

Is my DH BU? I think he is.

My 5 year old DD's old toddler bed broke at the weekend. Tomorrow is my day off so I am going shopping for a new bed for her. DD is rather stereotypical in her 5 year old likes and loves princesses, love hearts, jewels etc. Her bedroom has white walls and pink, white and lilac bedding and curtains.

In my mental list I considered:

- It needs to last beyond her girly phase so I am not buying anything pink or lovehearted or a 'princess bed' which would be her heart's desire.

- However I do want her to be excited about her new big girl bed so I was going for something quite 'pretty' like a white metal framed bed with some curves on it which would still be suitable for the teenaged girl she will become

- This will also go with the decor of the room.

I mentioned to my DH that I was going to buy the bed tomorrow and was this OK (meaning, is it OK for me to spend the money tomorrow) and he said 'Yes, but I don't like white or girly. Get her a black or silver bed frame.'

I think this is unfair. His reasons are, he is contributing to paying so he should get a say and he doesn't like girly beds. My argument is, I am not buying a bed for him, it's for her, and whilst I will have due regard to the longevity of the bed and not go over the top with lovehearts etc, I don't want to buy something solely utilitarian (as all the silver beds seem to be) as she is all excited about her first big girl bed. I don't think he's considering her. He says 'guests may have to sleep in it' and I say 'Maybe once a year for a couple of nights, and I think they could manage a white bed'.

He says I can't just overrule him, to which I respond that he is just vetoing something based on reasons I disagree with, and is effectively overruling me.

Anyway in the end he said huffily 'just buy whatever bed you want' and has gone out (this was scheduled, he's not gone in a strop), but now I feel like if I do buy the bed I had planned I will feel all guilty.

Am I unreasonable to think that when you are buying a piece of furniture for a family member you consider their likes, tastes, room decor etc rather than choosing a bed that you would yourself want to sleep in? Or is his desire to have his opinion listened to and followed perfectly reasonable? have made some compromises as I originally suggested a daybed with trundle which he vetoed as he doesn't like them either, so as far as I'm concerned I have alreday taken his opinions and views into account!

KinkyAfro Tue 23-Feb-16 21:06:41

Let your daughter pick between your choice and his?

Squashybanana Tue 23-Feb-16 21:08:46

No contest there kinky, she definitely wants a 'pretty bed' ....

Muskateersmummy Tue 23-Feb-16 21:11:00

I agree with you. Your buying a bed she will like, not something you or dh are sleeping in. We will be getting similar for our dd

BatteryOperatedBoyfriend Tue 23-Feb-16 21:11:53

Tell him he's being a dick and buy the bed your DD wants (within reason). How about a nice nice day bed with some fairy lights?

ShesGotLionsInHerHeart Tue 23-Feb-16 21:13:28

He's being distinctly odd. Get the white bed and don't feel guilty!

Squashybanana Tue 23-Feb-16 21:13:58

LOL battery I haven't mentioned that Mum said she was buying fairy lights for birthday, actually I had forgotten. I think I will not mention it just now, it might tip him over the edge....

cheeseandcrackers Tue 23-Feb-16 21:14:01

Definitely go with your choice. It seems very odd to furnish a young girl's bedroom according to a grown man's tastes and I don't see why a guest would object too a white bed, especially as it's in a girl's bedroom. A black bed would look very odd I think.

RandomMess Tue 23-Feb-16 21:15:16

Yep he's being a bit of dick about it!

I would recommend though something that has a flat headboard as it's more comfy for propping up pillows for reading in bet etc. - metal slats don't allow for that!

Jibberjabberjooo Tue 23-Feb-16 21:17:42

My ds has a white wooden bed and not for one minute have I thought someone wouldn't want to sleep in it because it's white. Wtf? It looks great and suits his bedroom perfectly.

A trundle bed is brilliant, trust me.

Magicpaintbrush Tue 23-Feb-16 21:17:48

A black or silver bedframe for a five year old girl? Sounds all wrong to me. I think you are right OP. If you go ahead and get her the bed you know she will like instead of the one your DH is insisting on is he likely to sulk about it forever more, or will he forget about it eventually? I think you will feel more guilty if your DD is disappointed ultimately, I know I would.

winewolfhowls Tue 23-Feb-16 21:19:08

In our family we get big single beds at two and have the same one til we move out!

Those with drawers in the side are handy for craft, and you could add a princess style headboard, paint drawers and add stickers to be a compromise?

Squashybanana Tue 23-Feb-16 21:23:36

Based on past experience he will sulk briefly and then when DD is happy and excited to show him he will get over it, though if at any point in the future she becomes a goth and complains about it he'll say 'I told you we shouldn't have got it'.

It's more that the joy of it feels a little ...besmirched...if you know what I mean. I just don't get it. It isn't even that he wants her bed to not be ornate, he doesn't care if it is the same pattern as the white beds but in silver or black, but it'd look terrible in the room.

Every now and again he does something really childish like this that is so trivial but he gets the hump because 'I can't just overrule him' but doesn't see that he also can't just overrule me!

tictactoad Tue 23-Feb-16 21:25:16

He is being v. strange. Get what you and she would like.

If the guests can't cope with a white, curly bed for a night or two, point them in the direction of the local hotel.

cornishglos Tue 23-Feb-16 21:28:33

I would get something more versatile. She could have new bedding to go with it. I'd go silver. That's 'pretty' right?

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus Tue 23-Feb-16 21:29:50

Is he just really crap at imagining what things will look like? My DH gets all rigid about stupid things, but it is largely because he is fundamentally in imagination.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Tue 23-Feb-16 21:30:51

He is being very weird. Get your DD the bed she would prefer!

FeelingSmurfy Tue 23-Feb-16 21:32:24

How about a pale wood? Would that be something you could both agree on?

lighteningirl Tue 23-Feb-16 21:33:05

A bit of a soundtrack but I bought my dd the Ikea white metal day bed maybe 15 years ago and it saw her thru every stage and is still in my spare room now. They have updated it slightly but it's the best value for money furniture I've bought.

exLtEveDallas Tue 23-Feb-16 21:33:29

A word of warning. DD's first 'big girls bed' was of the metal curvy variety and she managed to get her hair wrapped around one of the twiddly bits nearly strangling herself in the process. I've no doubt this is a one off accident entirely peculiar to DD, but maybe keep it in mind.

She's got a lovely white bed with a plain headboard now.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus Tue 23-Feb-16 21:35:05

DS2's bed is white painted pine. It looks really nice in his room and he loves it.

Generally, he's happy so long as he likes the duvet cover. So buy her the bedding of her dreams and a less fancy bed (although I totally agree that black and silver are not the only options).

Believeitornot Tue 23-Feb-16 21:35:57

would he be bothered if it was a boy who wanted a boyish bed?

Tbh I'd just get her a plain white bed and get more interesting bedding.....

Squashybanana Tue 23-Feb-16 21:37:04

Stepaway yes, he is crap at that. He often gets a strop on about some house idea and invariably admits that I was right once it is done a few months later. Yet doesn't notice this pattern that he can trust my furnishing and decor judgement and I will always consider his views and compromise where practical (eg she doesn't have to have a day bed. I think that isn't worth the fight).

RubyChewsDay Tue 23-Feb-16 21:37:38

I know this is silver, but this looks like a bargain! I ended up getting DD a bookcase today!

minipie Tue 23-Feb-16 21:39:06

He is being completely daft. Hopefully he will realise this at some point. Buy a white bed and if he sulks ignore him and focus on your daughter's happiness! (Personally I'd buy a white wooden bed rather than metal as I find metal beds a bit uncomfy to read in but that's just me!)

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