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Dp's mother is a mild irritation

(16 Posts)
Standingonmytippytoes Tue 23-Feb-16 17:01:40

My dp's sis is getting married in the near future. We're all planning to spend the night at the hotel now it has recently become apparent to me she has decided that dp and I and out 2 dcs will share a self catering chalet with dp's 2 brothers.
I don't want to share a chalet with 2 20 year old boys and my family. I don't want to have to worry about breakfast I don't want to have to worry about getting from the chalet to breakfast area which is what I assume will have to be done.
I want to get up in the morning flounce down to breakfast enjoy it as much as I can and flounce back up to bed again.

But I know if dp says no it will become a big deal because he is an undiplomatic arse.
I assume she's decided this to save on costs but surely I should be able to decide what costs I want to save on.
Would it of been so hard of her to ask my opinion before having to control everything.
I feel like I'm going to ruin the whole wedding by saying no. I'd rather have our own room thanks.

CooPie10 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:02:40

Who is paying for it?

squoosh Tue 23-Feb-16 17:03:11

Just tell her that you're staying in the hotel. Keep it sweet and friendly and all drama will be avoided.

LagunaBubbles Tue 23-Feb-16 17:06:37

Im a bit confused as you mention your DPs Mum in title but not thread and I assumed you were saying his sister had decided, but do you mean his Mum?

DoreenLethal Tue 23-Feb-16 17:08:41

'ha ha - no I am already looking at what's available on room service'.

Standingonmytippytoes Tue 23-Feb-16 17:08:50

Oh sorry I ment his mum currently chasing a 2 year old off windowsills. We'll be paying for our own room.

Just tell her that you're staying in the hotel. Keep it sweet and friendly and all drama will be avoided.

Yes see that sounds good on paper but when dp disagrees with his dm suddenly everything gets thrown out of proportion and it will turn into a huge drama. I'm dreading it.

squoosh Tue 23-Feb-16 17:10:49

You're paying for your room so you get to decide where you stay. If she decides to get huffy with her son that's her problem. Which would you prefer, to stay where you like and risk her being dramatic about it, or going along with plans you don't like just to keep the peace?

MLGs Tue 23-Feb-16 17:10:57

Go with Doreen's answer.

MLGs Tue 23-Feb-16 17:11:30

PS I like your thread title. Surely these things are usually entitled "MIL is the spawn of Satan" or similar.

Standingonmytippytoes Tue 23-Feb-16 17:21:11

I love doreens answer
It was just the way it was pounced on me I'd gone up after work to dp's parents and dp said oh standing dm had a great idea of us staying in a chalet at the wedding I was like oh that's a nice idea dear. Thinking we'll discuss it later.
Then later in the livingroom his dm was all oh that's great then you and the boys can stay in the self catering chalet.
I was too busy sorting dcs to really listen or say what no that's not happening it was only when I got home I bloody realised.
She can stay in the chalet if she thinks it's such a good bloody idea.

CooPie10 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:26:42

Well then if you and Dh are paying she gets no say. Don't even entertain it. Who would choose self catering over hotel service anyway? Just go ahead with your original plans.

RortyCrankle Tue 23-Feb-16 17:36:48

How is your DP at standing up to his mother? He simply needs to tell her that will not be happening and you will be making your own arrangements. If she has a melt down stand well back and let her get on with it.

Birdsgottafly Tue 23-Feb-16 17:40:08

If my DH (now widowed), or my ex had of insisted that we have this arrangement, then they'd be doing breakfast.

Similar did happen when I was with my ex, we 'had' to stay in a caravan and I made it clear that there was going to be no 'wife work' done by myself, or breakfast/washing up.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 23-Feb-16 17:52:56

"But I know if dp says no it will become a big deal because he is an undiplomatic arse."
"when dp disagrees with his dm suddenly everything gets thrown out of proportion and it will turn into a huge drama."

Then keep DH out of it; you call her, say you misunderstood the conversation (being distracted by child on windowsill) and hadn't realised what was intended, and that on reflection you/DH/DC will be staying in a hotel room.

No drama, DH doesn't get involved to be undiplomatic to his mum, you handle it and all will be well.

TBH it's bloody weird that she's making decisions which are yours.

Kintan Tue 23-Feb-16 18:00:17

If your DP is no good with standing up to his mother, can you do it - for instance just send a text or email saying something like it wouldn't be fair on the 20 year olds to have to stay with your young children etc. So you have booked the hotel already and paid a non-refundable deposit smile

MyKingdomForBrie Tue 23-Feb-16 18:02:48

Just say sorry I wasn't concentrating, I don't want to be self catering because it's a faff, we'll just book hotel.

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