Dreading this wedding

[NeedACleverNN]

My sil is getting married this June to her gf in a civil ceremony.

A lot of what she has planned is not too bad but I am dreading the reception.

She has chosen her local pub to host it. It's that small that 20 people in there and it's difficult to move around.

She's invited just over 100 people and is expecting most of them to attend.

Along with a disco and hog roast. There's no real outdoor area and everyone is going to be cramped in.

we have tried to persuade her to host else where and she's refused.

We can't not go but I know if we go and then leave after an hour, people will moan.

I can't even sit in the corner and have a drink and try to relax a little as its on a main road and we have my two children with us.

I am seriously dreading it.

How can I manage it

[CooPie10]

Won't 80 extra people exceed the limit anyway?

[whatsthatcomingoverthehill]

If it's that small how is there any space for a disco?

[NeedACleverNN]

There isn't that's what we are trying to point out.

There is no room but she won't see it

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I'm surprised the pub is going along with this - aren't there regulations about maximum occupancy of the premises - to do with fire safety?

It might be worth finding out - because if the number of people attending would contravene the regulations, the reception could be at risk of being cancelled - that might be a good enough reason for your sil to move to a better venue.

[Pancakeflipper]

Venues do have fire and safety limits on the numbers of people in a venue.

Phone and check (though that would be interfering)

[Ragwort]

Surely it would be a fire risk to allow that number of people in a pub if it really can only hold 20 people. I can't imagine the publican has allowed it. There must be more to this story.

[GeminiRising]

There will be a maximum number allowed in the venue for insurance purposes - if she's exceeding that number then the venue cannot allow the event to take place. Has she checked that they are happy with that number?

[NeedACleverNN]

I'll try pointing out fire issue etc.

The landlord is not actually bothered. She doesn't get a lot of business so is happy they are having the reception there. More money for her

[EponasWildDaughter]

A hog roast inside a small pub? How's that going to work?

Plus There will be a maximum number allowed in the venue for insurance purposes - if she's exceeding that number then the venue cannot allow the event to take place.

[Pancakeflipper]

the landlord needs to be bothered. The restrictions on number are not for the joys of the fun police. They are there for a jolly good reason.

[NeedACleverNN]

The hog roast will be outside.
There's a tiny bit of concrete where the land lords car is parked and next to the that is a wooden roof for smokers. There roast will be there

[EponasWildDaughter]

There's your excuse right there OP.

I wouldn't take my kids to an overcrowded unsafe venue, and i'd be politely explaining that to the host. ie your sister.

[EponasWildDaughter]

Sorry - ie: your SIL.

[NeedACleverNN]

We can't not go

My dh is supposed to be giving her away (problems in the family) my dd is going to be flower girl and my ds is supposed to be page boy. At the moment the plan is to show out faces for an hour, let them get photos etc and then mention that the kids are getting cranky being in a place that is too busy and we are going to go.

Just not sure if that sounded rude

[Ragwort]

Just go, if it is really that crowded surely no one will notice if you sneak off after an hour.

Reminds me of the time a friend thanked me for going to her father's funeral, I tried to explain that I had not been there but she absolutely insisted I had - in the end I just said 'yes, it was a lovely memorial'.

[CooPie10]

I would just not get involved. That many people in a cramped space means that people are going to feel miserable and suffocated, she'll soon find out on the day.
I would just stay for a bit and then try leaving.

[EponasWildDaughter]

the plan is to show out faces for an hour, let them get photos etc and then mention that the kids are getting cranky

Seriously that will be fine. Your DH and kids (and you) can do all your family duties, have a quick drink at the reception and then slope off.

it's what most of the parents of young kids who have been at a wedding all day do anyway

[pinkyredrose]

That many people seriously violates health and safety laws! They won't even fit in. I'd anonymously report the landlord to the brewery if they're a tenant or the council. They'll hopefully organise an inspection and have a v stern word. I'd be seriously concerned about what she's planning.

I used to work in venues and the first thing I'd want to know was fire evacuation procedure, emergency exits etc. I wouldn't in all good conscience be able to attend an event like this especially when there's children involved .

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

Just see how it goes and stop making such a drama about it. She can have her wedding where she's wants and you don't have to hang round all evening if you're uncomfortable.

[NeedACleverNN]

I know 100 people is going to be too many in there.

I got married nearly 3 years ago. I had my ceremony in the morning but my reception wasn't until the evening. The landlady offered to do a buffet there for a couple of hours.

As I had my wedding in the registers office there was only about 25-30 people. They all came to the buffet lunch and it was extremely difficult to move about. There was not enough seats for everyone so some people were stood about in the corner and as it was July it was hot.

Luckily we could all leave after an hour or so and everyone said we couldn't have stayed there for long.

The reception was held in a local village hall and everyone had much more room. Plus there was more people invited to the reception too.

My sil was at my wedding so saw how packed it was. In fact she even mentioned it!

[FellOutOfBedTwice]

I went to a wedding last year on a tiny barge. They somehow fitted 100 people, a buffet and a disco on it. Was hell. DD who was just over a year at the time screamed as she couldn't run around. Everyone was crammed in like sardines. Was fucking dreadful. You have my sympathy but no advice- like you we had to go as it was SILs wedding.

[FellOutOfBedTwice]

Oh and at least you can leave if you get fed up. This was a sailing boat. We were prisoners.

[scarlets]

I wouldn't want to take my children to an unsafe overcrowded venue, and I say that as someone who's quite laid back.

I suppose that the kids will get genuinely cranky and fractious after half an hour of sweaty shoulder-to-shoulder stuff with the smell of hog in the background, at which point you've your excuse to leave - no one enjoys whiney children.

[NotWeavingButDarning]

Sorry, but if the numbers are not actually contravening regulations, then I think you should just suck it up. Your family is an integral part of the wedding and your SIL obviously values your support. It may not be what you would choose but one evening won't hurt you.

Other people's weddings are rarely outrageously fun, but we go because we love our friends/family, not because we expect everything to be exactly to our taste.

Obviously if you know for certain that it does break fire regs, then the venue needs changing, but if it will just be a bit crowded and you don't fancy it then you're seeming a little passive aggressive here.

[thelittleredhen]

Perhaps it was cheap and she's just not letting on that they couldn't afford anything bigger?