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To have a very small christening for second child?

(31 Posts)
Ellieboolou27 Tue 23-Feb-16 13:13:37

Hi all
Just wanted to get some views on this before I book a date. My first daughter had a large (quite expensive) christening, invited around 100 family / friends and cost around a grand. Now we have two kids money a bit tight also husband has 7 siblings none of whom have come to visit our new daughter, she is now almost 6 months. I want to have a small christening, around 25-30 people max, they would be both my husbands and my immediate family, then do a pub lunch / cream tea after as opposed to hall hire / catering, will this cause problems when my girls are older? Will my second born feel cheated as it was smaller and not as expensive. We would still get a lovely cake made and special balloons etc. any thoughts?

NisekoWhistler Tue 23-Feb-16 13:15:27

She will never know! Crack on and have the christening you want

BarbarianMum Tue 23-Feb-16 13:19:31

It will be fine as long as you take and display a similar number of photos. What's sad for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th et is that child 1 has baby photo album/video library the size of the encyclopedia britannica and they have no record of their Christening/birthdays/first bike at all.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 23-Feb-16 13:19:44

I was second-born, I have no clue as to what happened for my sister's or my christening parties. For all I know there weren't any. I do know that there are formal photographs of my sister as a baby and not of me, and that my parents just couldn't afford them when I was born. It has never mattered a jot, I do not feel cheated.

TBH, surely your eldest is as likely to feel embarrassed at all the fuss you made, as the youngest is to feel cheated?

Ellieboolou27 Tue 23-Feb-16 13:26:36

Thanks for the replies, I will ensure we get lots of photos etc, I will do my 2nd born baby book (yet to even purchase one)!! So they have similar early years paraphernalia to look though in later years.

BarbarianMum Tue 23-Feb-16 13:29:53

I think it is very personality-based WhereYou Ds2 is the sort of child who always feels he is being shortchanged and was very upset when he realised that (age 6) I hadn't got round to doing his baby book yet. Luckily we had both book and photos so it was quickly remedied. Ds1 couldn't care less.

AnotherTimeMaybe Tue 23-Feb-16 13:37:49

You could easily not have done anything!
At least you re planning to do something!
With my second I spent about 50% of what I spent for the first one! PFB and all that spent 4 fucking K for lunch for 25!

Sunshine87 Tue 23-Feb-16 13:40:21

A thousand pound for a christening how did you manage to spend that amount? We paid 125 for buffet free pub hire DJ and some balloons. Your second DC won't know and to be honest call me old fashioned but i thought a christening was a religious celeration within the church not a grand big party.

Bue Tue 23-Feb-16 13:43:24

We had 12 people at DD's christening this month (first child), it was perfect, just what we wanted. I highly recommend a fuss-free occasion. And I don't think anyone really cares about how much fuss their parents went to for their christening, do they? My mum has loads of pictures of my christening (first child) and ONE of my sister's. My sister has never mentioned it.

Scaredycat3000 Tue 23-Feb-16 13:52:54

It's rather more a practical decision by the sounds of it. As a second child it never even crossed my mind to care that the previous party christening was almost certainly bigger.

Personally we've found we go to the first childs christening, traveling half way across the country to support the parents, spend a load on a weekend away, buy a present, sit though an hour of being told I'm a sinner, told to ask for forgiveness, how they are saving this child though fairy stories and how we mustn't judge, only to discover the family never go to church and the god parents never even try to do the things I've dragged my arse half way across the country to hear. That's happened so many times any more invites we will be busy.

The only thing I wish my parents did differently is to wait until I was old enough to make up my old mind to be christened or not.

We did a met DS1 gathering, DS2 never got one, turns out he's quite anti-social so probably won't care.

Ellieboolou27 Tue 23-Feb-16 13:55:03

I know it sounds ridiculous at almost a thousand (was more like 800) but we waited 5 years for our daughter, one still born little boy in 2005 and two miscarriages so we over compensated (hugely) when DD finally came along, hall hire was 300 and food for almost 100 people was expensive plus dress / cake etc etc it all added up. It was like a celebration of birth and christening at the same time so was huge (regret it now though as can't give dd2 the same)!!

wigglesrock Tue 23-Feb-16 14:06:13

Honestly, it won't make a difference. As things turned out, my dd2 had a much bigger christening than dd1. With dd1 we had immediate family back to my house - cake, sandwiches - it was lovely. With dd2 I thought Christ I'm not having anyone in my house, so we went out to a local club - had a pub lunch, but there were more people there so it seemed a bigger thing. With dd3 we had a bigger one again - we knew more people, our friends/siblings had kids so it was a bigger party, thankfully not in my house. My 3 daughters can bicker with the best of them but not once have they ever cast up to each other the size of their christening dos.

Don' regret your first child's christening party - it's what suited you then, I'm sure it was lovely and her sister's will be just as lovely.

Scaredycat3000 Tue 23-Feb-16 14:13:39

Well in that context Ellie you were celebrating the long hard start of family life, that's nothing to feel bad about. I care more that I was indoctrinated in to a faith befor I could even talk rather than who got a bigger party. I hated saying 'forgive me my sins' from the age of 6.

cleaty Tue 23-Feb-16 14:19:17

Yes if the kids care at all, what they will care about is number of photos and any presents given to them as keepsakes into adulthood. You dont even need to mention to them when older how many people were there, unless they ask. Just say for DC1 you had the celebration a hall, and for DC2 it was outside and was a tea party.

Foginthehills Tue 23-Feb-16 14:19:21

YABU and really naff

My first daughter had a large (quite expensive) christening, invited around 100 family / friends and cost around a grand. Now we have two kids money a bit tight also husband has 7 siblings none of whom have come to visit our new daughter, she is now almost 6 months. I want to have a small christening

You do know that a baptism is not about the party or the event - it's about entry into the Christian church & faith? Not about the party or a showing-off party (costing a grand? What sort of Christian are you?)

You sound so hypocritical.

MLGs Tue 23-Feb-16 16:52:19

Look, it's fine to have a big christening celebration if you want one. Doesn't mean you don't care about the reason for the baptism (religion and all that) but you also want to celebrate with family. It's not hypocritical to have a party if you want one.

But there is not need to do the same for the second. Do what you want to do. As others have said, just take lots of photos etc.

Ellieboolou27 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:06:47

Thanks all, advice appreciated and thanks MLG for sticking up for me! **Frog obviously having a bad day! We are a practising Christian family and have attended our local parish for over 11 years, I was insulted by her comments and ignorance!

Foginthehills Tue 23-Feb-16 17:15:31

Not ignorance at all (clergy family although I'm not a believer). Although I'm not a believer, I am knowledgeable about spirituality & Christianity (clergy family) and I was shocked at your focus on the party and the money rather than baptism as one of the central sacraments of Christianity. It felt Pharasaical (and they were condemned as hypocrites).

elliejjtiny Tue 23-Feb-16 17:16:00

YANBU to have a smaller party. We had thanksgiving services for our boys. DS1's was the biggest. He was 6 weeks old, I had PND and it was awful. I have 1 photo and he's crying in it. We had about 40 guests I think. It was too soon, I felt railroaded into doing it quickly. My MIL tried to help but ended up taking over and it didn't feel like mine at all. DS2, DS3, DS4 and DS5 had much smaller events with about 20 people there. They were much nicer and we have more photos. The only thing was that nobody from my side came to ds5's thanksgiving which was disappointing but we had it jointly with DN who is 2 months older and none of SIL's family came either so it wasn't that noticeable. It was just DH's family and a couple of people from the church.

So basically I don't think bigger means better and i'm sure you'll have a smaller but equally lovely christening for your dd2.

Scaredycat3000 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:22:14

Sorry OP but you do sound very shallow and you expect your DC to be equally shallow. So no need to attack MLG. You hadn't mentioned the point of the day which is surely the Church. Considering, according to CofE latest report, only 18 out of 1000 of us attend church regularly and given your extreme importance of the party and none to the church part it's fair to assume you were only in it for the look at meeeee! party, like most christenings/church weddings.

Scaredycat3000 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:23:09

Sorry, no need to attack Fog, not MLG.

Sandsnake Tue 23-Feb-16 17:26:03

FFS Frog what a twat you're being. This is the first time I've got annoyed at someone on here. Showing off about your biblical 'knowledge' but getting it totally wrong. Comparing OP to the Pharisees? Really? Because she spent £800 welcoming her longed for DD into the that she is an active member of? Utterly ridiculous.

Oh and YANBU OP smile

Sandsnake Tue 23-Feb-16 17:29:43

Frog = Fog. Feeding baby typo!

Sallyingforth Tue 23-Feb-16 17:36:06

Ellie As a devout churchgoer you should be aware that there is no such thing as a 'small christening' or a large one. The baptism is a standard service.
What you are talking about is a party.

SovietKitsch Tue 23-Feb-16 17:45:03

Fog nothing hypocritical about a party - Jesus' first miracle was making more wine at the wedding at Cana! I think he'd approve of parties to go with the sacrament for christenings wink

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