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3 year old and hand holding

(104 Posts)
HandsoffGary Tue 23-Feb-16 12:37:54

Wanting to canvass opinions on this one. If you are walking along a road with traffic with a 3 year old (just turned this month) wouldn't you want to hold their hand?

At that age they still lack impulse control so I thought that this would be a normal thing, hold hands with the adult in charge, if numerous children then multiple hands held etc.

Obviously talking to the child about not running in the road, checking for cars coming and using Green man to cross where possible?

Am I being a PFB?

goodnightdarthvader1 Tue 23-Feb-16 12:39:18

At 3? Not pfb at all.

sparkleonthedancefloor Tue 23-Feb-16 12:40:13

Definitely not being PFB

BarbarianMum Tue 23-Feb-16 12:40:22

I think it does really depend on the child but, on average, just 3 year olds do require close supervision. Mine were very reliable just after 3rd birthday though so it was hand holding for crossing only.

rainbowunicorn Tue 23-Feb-16 12:40:59

No not PFB at all children really have no road sense at that age I always held my sons hands or they held on to the pram when walking with me and the baby.

VoldysGoneMouldy Tue 23-Feb-16 12:41:30

I still make my very sensible, knows-the-green-cross-code six year old hold my hand on busy roads.

formerbabe Tue 23-Feb-16 12:51:39

Definitely...I hold my 5 year olds hand near busy roads. You can't be too careful.

I absolutely hate seeing toddlers running far ahead of their parents on busy roads.

Katenka Tue 23-Feb-16 12:55:10

My dd was fine. I would walk so I was closer to the road. She never ran off so I didn't have to have hold of her every second.

Ds would have run like a bat out hell if I had let go of him for a second at that age. Now he is almost five he quite likes holding my hand so it's all good.

Jw35 Tue 23-Feb-16 12:57:05

I would hold a 3 year olds hand next to a main road. Yanbu

Muskateersmummy Tue 23-Feb-16 12:57:55

Definitely not PFB, my dd (3) has to hold a grown ups hand anywhere that cars are moving. I couldn't imagine not holding that not being the case. Has someone said something OP?

LongHairDontCare Tue 23-Feb-16 13:01:05

I always make my 3 year old hold hands or the pram because he is quite reliable. He has to stay on the inside too

EponasWildDaughter Tue 23-Feb-16 13:01:25

Not PFB.

When my 3 were very little i'd have youngest in pushchair and 3 year old and 5 year old either side of it walking and holding on to the side of the handle. They were not allowed to let go. If they let go i'd stop dead until they were holding tight again.

ComeonSummer1 Tue 23-Feb-16 13:06:37

I shiver seeing toddlers running riot by roads. My pet hate are scooters. At my school run often see 2 year olds scooting way ahead of parents and even crossing side roads. Bloody insane.

I could cheerfully slap parents who are constantly 'loosing' toddlers and then bleat 'but he won't hold my hand' fuckwits.

As a cm I use reins walking everywhere until 3. Depending upon the child after 3 it's hand holding or wrist clips.

After seeing a toddler hit by a car o never ever take risks.

Aldo if poor Jamie bulger had been in reins he would be the same age as my ds today. 25.. sad

GreenTomatoJam Tue 23-Feb-16 13:07:22

Goodness, against the grain, but actually I probably wouldn't with DS2 unless he was worried. DS1 was still on reins at that at that age because he was a runner, but DS2 is not like that, and if I yell 'STOP' in my emergency voice he freezes perfectly.

I do for crossing, but not for just walking.

MrsPear Tue 23-Feb-16 13:07:42

Not being pfb at all! In fact this is my biggest stress at the mo is 3 yr old ds wanting to run off. I put him back in reins the other week and didn't give two hoots to the looks. I have found a path away from traffic - and hidden car parks - on the school route he can run down and we practice stopping there. He is better at stopping when asked but a long way from reliable imo

Ds1 on the other hand was able to walk sensibly by my side at this age and I had no fear of him just leaping into the road.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr Tue 23-Feb-16 13:09:15

To do it because you feel more comfortable, YANBU.

To dictate it on your partner, Y might BU depending on the child, plenty of 3 year olds would be safe doing it.

PosieReturningParker Tue 23-Feb-16 13:16:13

Always held my kids hands until I was very very sure they wouldn't run into the road even if they saw kittens own the middle of it.

Thingywotzit Tue 23-Feb-16 13:16:39

My mum still reaches for my hand if we cross a busy road together!

Gatehouse77 Tue 23-Feb-16 13:17:40

I would let them not hold my hand if they followed my instructions implicitly. When to stop, where to stop, etc. But, they always held my hand to cross a road.

If they didn't do as they were told they would have to hold my hand or I would hold their wrist. Firmly.

So, essentially, I gave them the trust to follow my instructions and it was their behaviour that kept that trust.

MrsMarigold Tue 23-Feb-16 13:22:59

My DC aged 4 and 3 will not hold hands and run on ahead. They are sensible and stop if they get to any sort of crossing. Like GreatTomatoJam if I yell STOP they stop in their tracks. We live near a bust road so they get it! However, I have had people stop their cars and tell me off for not holding their hands, which is quite irritating.

BarbarianMum Tue 23-Feb-16 13:23:53

<<Always held my kids hands until I was very very sure they wouldn't run into the road even if they saw kittens own the middle of it>>

Yes this, but also when I was 100% sure they'd respond to the command word "stop". Mine got good at this by age 2 (it was the only command that had 100% success rate, then or since). And at 3 they still had to walk next to me - no running off ahead.

diddl Tue 23-Feb-16 13:26:21

I think that you hold their hand anytime you feel that they might not be safe.

I'm sure that I read somewhere that kids can't judge the speed of a car to safely cross the road until 12yrs old.

Not suggesting that they need hands holding until then, but certainly told to use crossings/be sensible/not looking atphones etc.

redexpat Tue 23-Feb-16 13:26:36

I didnt need to hold DS' hand all the time. I used reins for a while, but realised that they werent entirely necessary. He's not a bolter, shows no interest in the road, but loves looking at everything that comes along and waving. DD is a completely different child and I imagine that she will be on reins for much longer!

WhatHo Tue 23-Feb-16 13:31:02

If DD won't hold my hand to cross a road or near busy ones - which is about 25% of the time - I hook my hand into her coat collar or hood. Not in an unpleasant 'got you by the scruff of your neck' way but gently just so I have her. I'd rather impinge her dignity than let her get squashed, she is so close to being 4 but she's still a baby really with all the lack of thought that involves.

And she's my 2nd so you're not being at all PFB, if anything I'd say that when you have another you realise how small they are at 3. With your first, because they're so much bigger than babies, they feel rather grown up. They're not! grin

And like Voldy I also make my 6 year old hold my hand when crossing roads because you never know - and adult reactions in a stressful situations are better than small child ones.

I will say that we live in the middle of the countryside so my girls don't have much road nous, I might be more blase if we lived in the city... but probably not.

georgetteheyersbonnet Tue 23-Feb-16 13:37:36

My toddler DD is a bolter, so she was on reins/backpack strap until nearly 3 and at 3 yes she has to hold hands all the time she is outside/near roads.

Even if a child is more reliable than this, they are still not 100% reliable at that age. As a pp said, they physically are not able to judge the speed of traffic at 3; and not only that, but their visual field and attentional processing is far more limited than an adult's, so they may literally not see traffic approaching outside or at the edges of their (much narrower) visual field.

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