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To be annoyed at dhs habit of harping on about things we can't afford?

(15 Posts)
Squishyeyeballs Mon 22-Feb-16 23:30:30

Dh has an awful habit of harping on again and again about things we can't afford. For example, if we need to buy something for the house, he will start going on about the most ridiculously expensive model and we discuss it and decide that we cannot afford it. But he will come back to it time and again and bleat on and on about it even though we have already said that we can't afford it. And he is always going on about wanting to get a brand new car on finance, even though we are set to take a fall in income in the next few weeks. I wouldn't mind if it was something just mentioned in passing a few times but it's not, he has to have the same discussion about 10 flipping times hmm He is ok with money although he would probably fritter a lot more if I wasn't there to curtail him.

I'm not sure why it drives me so mental but it does. Perhaps I just don't like being constantly reminded of things that we can't afford. Or maybe I just don't see the point in repeating the same shite all the time.

He got in a huff tonight because when he started going on for the umpteenth about the neighbours tarmacadam job, I cut him off and said there's no point talking about it because we can't afford it. He said he can't talk to me about things like this without getting his head bitten off but for gods sake I just get so annoyed with the constant repetition. ARGH!

He's a lovely bloke otherwise and we get on really well. Aibu?

Fatmomma99 Mon 22-Feb-16 23:42:05

so maybe ask him why instead of having the conversation again?

"Mr Squishy, didn't we talk about this yesterday? And what did we both decide? Ok, so why are you raising it again?"

futuremrsstinson Tue 23-Feb-16 00:20:09

My BF does this this too OP and ot drives me up the wall.

We were booking a holidsy a few weeks ago (first we have taken together since we have been together in 3 years) and he was bleating on about going somewhere different. I pointed out we didnt have the extra 2k, I need a holiday and that I wont be waiting another 2 years to go somewhere just because he now fancies going because a lad from work told him it was worth a trip. He huffed and he puffed and "OKd" it. But has he shut up about it? Has he fuck.

Just like he goes on about wishing he could afford to get a BMW when he gets his new car in June. I keep pointing out if he cancels the gym membership he doesnt use and stops buying shite that sits the cupboard he would be in a better position to afford it. But does he stop and has he cancelled it? Has he shite.

gleam Tue 23-Feb-16 00:20:30

Do you think he just forgets?

Squishyeyeballs Tue 23-Feb-16 00:43:12

No he definitely doesn't forget. And when I get narky, he gets all hurt and says 'I was just thinking out loud'. Yes, yes you were. Thinking the same thought out loud for the bazillionth fucking time. mrsstinson It's good to know that I'm not alone grin

I have pointed it out gently to him and that doesn't work either. I always feel like he is trying to pressure me into agreeing to these things (if he is then it's subconscious because he's not a that type of person iykwim), I have told him this too but he still goes on. Maybe it's not so much what he says but the way he says it?

DorothyBastard Tue 23-Feb-16 00:56:13

"Good idea darling, let's get the top-of-the-range TV/fridge/Tarmac. What of yours are you planning to sell so we can afford it?"

AGrinWithoutACat Tue 23-Feb-16 07:54:10

Def NBU - DH talks constantly about things we would like/need but cannot afford at the moment (pre DC3 we could but nursery costs!)

I have to spell it out that we cannot afford x and y and z, what we are paying for and what we can afford but he rejects my affordable suggestions

It makes me sad as I would like whatever it is as well but deal with not be able to have it by not dwelling on what I would like and by concentrating on what we can afford

Eventually I will snap (again) spell out how I feel in very small words (loudly) and although I will have sad-face from DH for a bit he will stop going on about it

cakeinmyfacehole Tue 23-Feb-16 08:33:10

My DH does this too. It is starting to make me feel like the blimming cash police. I do the finances but he knows our position. We are incredibly lucky compared to many people (not rich, but we have a house, a car and can just about afford childcare) but he always wants to talk about the top of the range car/holiday/extension/TV that is always way out of budget. I challenge him and he tells me it's good to be aspirational. I say bollox - it's important to be realistic and even more important to appreciate what you have. I think I'm going to make him do the maths - it just worked wonders with our holiday... We discussed the budget and I got him to find and book it. So we he's happy and won't complain that it's too basic.

Beth2511 Tue 23-Feb-16 10:09:00

My oh is somewhat similiar.. Hes sick of constantly having to do opposite shifts and often working until 2am and being up at 4am with dd so i can work... He knows we could theoretically can live without my £600 wage if:

We gave up the car (£191)
He stopped smoking (£120)
He gave up the gym (£48)
He gave up his tablet (£43)
He gave up the top of the range sky package (£150)
We stopped saving for holidays (£200)

He agrees everytime he would prefer the things my income affords us but will he shut up moaning about me working and the way we have to organise it? Hell no

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep Tue 23-Feb-16 11:54:14

is he imagining what he could buy if you had the money, with no expectation of getting it... (yabu in that case, at least a little) or is he whinging aboutnotbeing able to afford it or pestering you to make bad financial decisions, in which case yanbu.

RhiWrites Tue 23-Feb-16 12:07:40

Can you join in?

"Ooh, yes while we're wishing I'd love a Burberry coat, a set of Louis Vuitton luggage and a pony."

futuremrsstinson Tue 23-Feb-16 12:41:31

DADDY BUY ME A PONY stomps feet

sorry, couldnt help myself grin

MrsCampbellBlack Tue 23-Feb-16 12:43:37

I'd just ask him how he plans on being able to afford the stuff he wants, eg get a new job.

Gatehouse77 Tue 23-Feb-16 13:32:22

My DH has lessened these circular conversations mainly because I turn it back on himself and say, okay, let's work out the finances. Where shall we make cutbacks? Is it worth looking another job? Shall I get a job all year round? What we do about the kids in the holidays? And on, and on...until he gets bored/fucked off and it stops.

He does always want to push the boundaries though. For example, we'll agree what we can afford for a car and he will always look at the next price bracket up!! Which then turns into another discussion about how we can afford it if we cut back on x, y, z. Sigh...

Squishyeyeballs Tue 23-Feb-16 13:57:34

I do feel a bit unreasonable because he's not moaning or whingeing about not being able to afford them, he's just saying it would be nice to have them. I don't know why it bugs me so much, the things he wants are things I want too. The repetition drives me nuts though.

rhiwrites Ooh I can definitely think of a few things to add grin

Oh and while I'm at it, can I throw in a rant about how he can't be trusted to go into a shop on his own? I do the shopping and cooking and manage to feed 4 of us on a budget of around £200 per month. Send dh into tesco for a loaf of bread and he comes out with £50 worth of crap that we don't need hmm

I love him really though grin

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