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My family have posted photos of my baby all over Facebook without permission... AIBU to ask them to take them off?

(165 Posts)
Dot33 Mon 22-Feb-16 14:48:19

My daughter is 3 months old and we've decided not to post any photo's of her on Facebook publicly. She can make her own mind up when she's older. I went home this weekend to see my Mum and my Auntie and cousins who have children and regularly put up photos. Today they've posted loads of photos of my baby over Facebook. I'm really angry and I know that they just don't get it! Imagine applying for a job (as she will in years to come) and your potential employer can google photos of you growing up. At least we had the power of choice when we decided as adults to join FB. I still don't think we know the power of the internet fully. Sorry I'm ranting but AIBU? Am I thinking way too much about this? (I'm quite sleep deprived so apologies if I'm not coming across clearly, and for any bad grammar/spelling! Also this is my first ever post so please be gentle)

NeedACleverNN Mon 22-Feb-16 14:52:57

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

They are obviously proud grandmas and aunties and want to show off their new addition.

I doubt any boss in the future is going to go, "well you wore a mini skirt when you was 4. Not really part of our companies image. Sorry we are going to have to let you go"

OTheHugeManatee Mon 22-Feb-16 14:55:02

I can see why you might feel a bit encroached upon, but I also think you're being a tiny bit precious. We live in a hyper-mediated world and everything is getting photographed constantly. I think it's a bit much to expect to be able to control who does what with your daughter's image. TBH I'm not sure that your DD's potential employers will be able to gather much from her baby photos either, even if they were to bother to try and find them, which seems vanishingly unlikely.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Mon 22-Feb-16 14:56:14

You can report each individual onto to to Facebook, you state it's your child and the photo is there without permission, they then remove it for you. Very simple and usually quite quick.

SoupDragon Mon 22-Feb-16 14:56:25

TBH, it's not the baby photos put up by adoring family members you need to worry about, it's the photos she will put up herself when she is a teen/young adult smile

You can ask them not to do it but it's really the modern version of "grandma's boasting book" that my mother used to fill with photos and show to anyone who looked her way.

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 22-Feb-16 14:57:49

Your attitude is ott.

StrapOnDodo Mon 22-Feb-16 14:57:50

My sister does this. She knows I'm not on Fb and don't want to be and she puts pictures of me and our children on despite being asked not too. I value my privacy and hate the intrusion.

LagunaBubbles Mon 22-Feb-16 14:58:53

I do think your being a bit OTT regarding the employer thing but no doubt there will soon be all the "your baby, your rules, FB is the devil" posts soon!

arethereanyleftatall Mon 22-Feb-16 15:01:23

Yabu. Employers are looking for photos of prospective employers shitfaced and pissing on a cat, not a 3 month old in a pram.

NerrSnerr Mon 22-Feb-16 15:02:18

Of course it's your choice, but do you really think a few pictures of someone as a baby will affect their job prospects at all? That sounds very paranoid.

goodnightdarthvader1 Mon 22-Feb-16 15:02:50

Good grief.

GreyHare Mon 22-Feb-16 15:04:28

My brother and his wife don't really do the 'internet' so have asked that I and other family members don't put their children's photo on there, and we don't, I don't find it that odd to be honest, just ask them nicely to remove them and that you don't want anymore putting up, if they lose the plot it says far more about them than you tbh, but I guess this isn't the mums net way where everyone is unreasonable asking someone to honour their wishes wink

InThisTogether Mon 22-Feb-16 15:04:50

no YANBU at all - it's not her choice, or even that of her parents. We got married last year and I asked people not to put our photos on FB until we'd sorted through an album of them to put up (I knoew family and friends would want to see them). I know a few folks got sniffy about it but ultimately it was our day and our choice - I had a lot of people commenting on how refreshing it was. FB isn't real life and I think people forget that.
Good on you for making a stand.

AnotherTimeMaybe Mon 22-Feb-16 15:05:10

Did you tell them not to do it in the first place? If you told them and they didn't listen then you have every right to be pissed up otherwise give them a chance and explain
It's your baby you do what you want with it

donajimena Mon 22-Feb-16 15:06:26

I'm on the fence. Facebook wasn't around when mine were tiny and I did post pictures of them when they were around 4 to 9 but if I take a picture of them now (11 & 12) they request that it doesn't go on social media which I respect.

ollieplimsoles Mon 22-Feb-16 15:07:04

totally agree with you op, yanbu

RosaDiazepam Mon 22-Feb-16 15:07:50

Yanbu it's your child.
However the employer thing is ott & do they know you've specifically decided not to post photos of her? That is very rude going against your wishes.
I would not post photos of other people's children & I would expect to be asked before someone posts a pic of mine

donajimena Mon 22-Feb-16 15:09:26

Sorry posted too soon. I meant to say it makes me a little bit regretful of the earlier ones I posted on there. I'm not a person who posts every minutiae of my life on there though so the pictures are few and far between.

CooPie10 Mon 22-Feb-16 15:09:31

Yabu utterly ridiculous. You really concerned about future employers now?? Silly.

Xmasbaby11 Mon 22-Feb-16 15:09:44

I hope you made your feelings clear beforehand? I do think you're being ott. You will struggle to control friends and family doing this.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 22-Feb-16 15:10:10

You have final say but she's their relation too. Proud granny and all that. You sound very fierce, go a bit more gentler with them.

AuntMabel Mon 22-Feb-16 15:10:31

I do get where you're coming from OP. Did you tell your Mum/Aunt that you didn't want the photos on Facebook? If so, YANBU and it's rude of them to have gone against your wishes like that.

The employer thing...well I've had that discussion with my own DD recently, but she's 14 and it's more of a "Do you want people to Google "duckface" and see your photo?" conversation. I don't think generic baby photos are our future workforce's problem grin

Gruntfuttock Mon 22-Feb-16 15:13:28

I quite agree, OP. There's a serious chance that your daughter's prospective emplyers will find out that she used to be a baby and that's an unacceptable risk for your relatives to have taken.

NeophyteStarfish Mon 22-Feb-16 15:14:24

I don't think YABU. You haven't posted pics of DC; they should realise that there's a reason for that. I think anyone who wants to post pics of a child should ask the parents first and I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to take them off (although they might think you are U, so you'd have to be prepared for that). Just send messages privately saying you know that they'll understand and sorry you hadn't mentioned it before but you weren't thinking when all the photos were taken that they might go on FB or you would have mentioned it at the time, thanks! If you were happy for them to go on, then obviously you would be posting them yourself.

I think it should be the children's right to choose when they can (and deal with the teenage pics scenario later on; that's another issue entirely). Yes, it's the modern day equivalent of photo albums but you wouldn't in the past have allowed virtual strangers, friends of Nan's sister's neighbour's daughter's work colleague etc. to have access to copies of pictures from those albums, which is what FB enables.

As they get older, I think there's also a 'stranger danger' risk when identifying photos with names are put on FB so that's another reason not to let it start with the cute baby/toddler pics.

If they want to share, perhaps a compromise is to ask them to share by private message? That way, they're not being seen by friends of friends on timelines you/they have no control over but they still get to be proud? (I still wouldn't like it a lot but it's a compromise).

Dot33 Mon 22-Feb-16 15:15:03

AnotherTimeMaybe no I didn't tell them not to post any pics but as there aren't any on my page I sort of thought it was obvious. And like RosaDiazepam mentioned I thought you should always ask before posting photo's of other peoples children on the internet - however I am new to this parenting lark.

The potential job example was just an example of us not really knowing where the internet might take us in the future. She's just a baby now but if we posted photos all throughout her childhood I just wonder whether this could possibly impact her in the future.

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