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To be feel worried about this dynamic and not know what to do?

(8 Posts)
Theladyloriana Mon 22-Feb-16 12:50:09

A boy my ds aged 5 likes very much is frequently quite unkind - not just to my ds but to most of the other kids. Ds told me this morning that this boy keeps telling him that if he doesn't do as this boy says he will 'push him out' of his birthday party.ds was visibly worried and upset about it. Ds suggested that he should buy him a really great present so that this boy would like him better and not push him out.
I was horrified and tried my best to talk it through calmly about what we can expect from our friends but I was stumped about the buying thing.
Any suggestions how I can help ds be resilient to this kind of thing and how to help him set healthy boundaries?

Believeitornot Mon 22-Feb-16 12:54:16

My ds has had this at school.

First I spoke to the teacher to keep an eye on it.

Second I spoke to ds about it. I've told him several times that he doesn't need to buy things or give things to make people like him. He did have a phase of bringing toys in to give away - I told ds that he should tell him that his mummy said no.

I also remind ds that he has other friends and that this boy isn't being very nice.

It is a hard one. I basically aim to boost ds's confidence generally and talk to him about how he be happy doing things he likes and playing with nice children.

Theladyloriana Mon 22-Feb-16 13:02:12

Thanks believe. Has your ds been able to choose to play with other kids who are nicer to him?

Believeitornot Mon 22-Feb-16 13:26:51

Yes he plays with others although he does gravitate back towards this kid.

SnobblyBobbly Mon 22-Feb-16 13:42:43

They always do. I've had similar with DD and they just can't seem to keep away from the mean kids.

I tend to not involve teachers unless there's been an incident within school that I can't do anything about and find ways to coach them in dealing with the situation themselves from the start.

But one thing I found useful was a book for children on Friendships - think it was called How to be a Friend from Amazon. It explains what a friend is, and also what one isn't. So it explains about blackmail (for want of a 5y/o friendly version of the word!) and getting people in trouble etc.

It worked so well and we just read it whenever something like that is happening to remind my two that it's not on, and they don't have to tolerate it.

Theladyloriana Mon 22-Feb-16 14:05:19

Thanks snobbly - that's helpful. Do others find this kind of thing quite common then? I've been really quite shocked!

ComeonSummer1 Mon 22-Feb-16 15:06:30

Were you home schooled op? Your shocked reaction is a bit ott.

afraid this happens from reception class up year 12.. Always bullies.

Your ds will learn to cope as he gets older. It's a jungle. Keep supporting him but avoid involving teachers unless it's becoming serious.

Ameliablue Mon 22-Feb-16 15:59:37

I'd try to encourage other friendships so arrange play dates etc.

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