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AIBU?

I'm being U aren't I? Talk me down. DP not home or answering his phone.

138 replies

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 11:28

He went out last night to a friends which is 1.5 hours drive away.

They were obviously up until the early hours and now he's not answering his phone.

Presumably he's asleep. He didn't tell me he has any intention of taking today 'off' so I'm a bit pissed off. I've had the kids all week as its half term, they are bouncing off the walls and I've exhausted softplay and parks this week, I was looking forward to some help.

Fuck knows when he'like be back.

OTOH he never goes out let alone does this. I go out more often than him (still rarely though) and I ALWAYS tell him if I'm staying out (well, I've done it once) and I'm back in the morning.

I should just let it go this once shouldn't I? But I'm struggling to feel fair about this.

I have to take the kids out again (they are climbing the walls) and I really don't want to. I have to get food from Tesco and I'm going to have to drag them with me.

OP posts:

Report

TapDancingPimp · 20/02/2016 11:30

YANBU - how would this scenario pan out had it been you on the piss all night and not bothering to check in with your OH, never mind come home?

Is his phone ringing-out or going to voicemail?

CooPie10 · 20/02/2016 11:31

Yanbu at all. He can't behave this way and go awol knowing he has kids and responsibilities at home. It shows a lack of respect for you. It takes a few seconds to send a message.
Are you sure though he is at the friends house, and not something happened to him? Would those friends have contacted you?

MrsH1989 · 20/02/2016 11:31

Hmmmm, I think I would be pissed. Not as much about him staying out, more about the fact that he has not got in touch when it is almost midday. I don't think YABU.

LuluJakey1 · 20/02/2016 11:32

No, I don't think you are BU, not completely. He should have left his phone on, he should have let you know he was staying out. I would be angry if DH did this- neither of us ever do it so it would be a really thoughtless, inconsiderate thing to do. But, not a LTB thing.

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 11:32

He's really really laid back, he wouldn't have minded of Id done it. He would have started worrying by now though if I'd not contacted him because I always contact him.

I'm not worried. I know he's still asleep.

I'm just annoyed.

OP posts:

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 11:33

I did know he was staying there as he was drinking. But I didn't know he would still be asleep now.

Even when he wakes up he'll have to wait until he's sober enough to drive. That's the whole day gone.

OP posts:

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 20/02/2016 11:42

He is bu, but he doesn't have form and we all make mistakes. His reaction when he gets in touch / home, would inform my response.

For example, if he's apologetic and his explanation is that he got and drunk, phone battery died, asked friends left him to sleep it off, AND he wanted to give you some time off and a massive apology- that I could forgive as a one time mistake. If he doesn't see any problem, and/or tries to make out that you are overreacting upon his return- that would be a huge annoyance and red flag with regards to his commitment, respect, and responsibility.

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 11:44

We'll have to see! He won't be an arseholea out it though.

Thing is, according this this clear blue thing that I bought, I'm ovulating. And he'll be in no fit state to impregnate me.
Another reason I'm slightly miffed.

Bets for when I hear from him, I'm going for 1pm hearing from him but not seeing hide nor hair til at least 4pm.

OP posts:

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 20/02/2016 11:44

not and drunk, unexpectedly drunk, like cocktails that caught him by surprise.

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 11:44

Fucking auto correct. Arseholea out?

OP posts:

HackerFucker22 · 20/02/2016 11:44

So it was agreed he was staying put beforehand but you're just pissed off he isn't up yet and on route home?

Can he not get shopping on his way home later? And he will of course be having the kids all day tomorrow whilst you have a day off.

ImperialBlether · 20/02/2016 11:46

He'd told you he was staying overnight, hadn't he? If he was drinking he wouldn't have been able to drive back and he's 1.5 hours away.

LindyHemming · 20/02/2016 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 20/02/2016 11:48

If you have to spend his next months drinking /hobby money allowance on keeping the kids entertained until he turns up then so be it.

Is he going to step up another notch if you have another child? I'd be having words about this too. Nip this behaviour in the bud. What if he buggered off for hours when you have a new baby?

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 11:53

Yes I totally knew he was staying out.

My beef is that I thought he'd be home by now or at least have contacted me.
But he's still asleep and will be for a while given that he was still awake at 5am.

Since this is the only time he's done this in 17 years together and we already have children, I'm pretty confident that we're OK having another

But yes to him having the kids tomorrow!

OP posts:

TattyDevine · 20/02/2016 11:53

It's bad timing really, with the half term thing, the ovulating thing etc. If it's a rare occurrence I wouldn't make a big deal of it either, but he can make up for it tomorrow and with a smile on his face I should think.

deregistered · 20/02/2016 11:55

I really would let this one go, but YANBU to feel frustrated as the kids are bouncing off the walls.

He never usually does this, he told you he'd stay out the night and it's only midday - I think he'd be fair to assume he could be out for the next morning.

Don't ruin his night out by giving him an earful but make sure you get some time to yourself later.

GruntledOne · 20/02/2016 12:02

Do you have the friend's number? Can you ring it and ask them to kick him out?

bakeoffcake · 20/02/2016 12:03

Just make sure out have the whole day off tomorrow. Make plans now about how you will spend your child free day.

Gruntfuttock · 20/02/2016 12:15

It may not be a bad thing that he's not driving back early today if he's drunk a lot. You wouldn't want him driving with the alcohol still in his system. A phone call to let you know wouldn't go amiss though.

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 12:16

Well I've got a text. A rather arsey one at that.

I'm going to find friends and wine this afternoon. That'll help.

OP posts:

KinkyAfro · 20/02/2016 12:21

What did he say?

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Costacoffeeplease · 20/02/2016 12:23

An arsey one? Nice

gleekster · 20/02/2016 12:33

Sorry? He has sent YOU and arsey text?

Why? What does it say?

coconutpie · 20/02/2016 12:38

What did he say?!

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