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I feel very cross with someone I'm fond of. Should I say s/thing?

(54 Posts)
Fatmomma99 Fri 19-Feb-16 01:23:39

This is sooooo trivial:
I've made v good friends with someone half my age, and she's great fun. She's also a work colleague.
This isn't relevant (although I DO feel I owe her...), when I started work at our joint place, I was universally disliked initially, and then she rocked up as a new starter, got to know me out of work (we went to the same gym) and just told stories to them about me about what fun I was, and it changed everyone's mind, and now I'm universally liked. Which is all totally down to her, and I'm VERY grateful for it. That's not part of this thread, but it's the back-story.

I saw her (with my DD) on Monday, and she was disgruntled. Her boyfriend hadn't clocked valentine's day, and she was annoyed. She decided the only thing that could make her feel better was to get a hamster. My DD was TOTALLY up for it... they went off to local pet shops.
She eventually (after a long day of trips to pet shops, etc) got a hamster for a quid and a cage for a fiver via websites (this is a BIG saving). She brought it to mine for the evening. It was cute.
She got all these ranty emails all evening from her sister about how immoral it was to buy a pet from the internet. I defended her.

She went home on Tuesday and decided it was boring.

She's re-homed it.

I feel really angry about treating an animal in this way.

It's not my place to say anything. Is it? I'm esp cross because of the message she's giving my DD. I should shut my mouth, shouldn't I. I'm very cross. i think this is appalling, spoilt behaviour. Not my place to say - right?

attheendoftheday Fri 19-Feb-16 01:42:33

I don't think any good will come of saying something.

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 19-Feb-16 01:49:01

I would mention it OP. In the hope that she wouldn't do it again.

Qwebec Fri 19-Feb-16 01:54:13

IME stay out of it.
It is none of you buisiness. I guess you saw her true colors. I'd distance emyself slowly from her. Be careful, from what I have seem people that can sway a general opinion one way can as easily do it the other way. I know a few people who irritated the wrong people like that and the workplace became a very tense place to be.

mathanxiety Fri 19-Feb-16 02:03:15

Keep schtum. Hamster probably better off. (Not the point but...)

Suffolksim Fri 19-Feb-16 02:13:35

Hamster is probably better off. She is clearly very immature & fickle. Don't be her 'hamster'. Keep her on side but concentrate on forming your bonds with other colleagues now you're accepted. This child is obviously charismatic, but untrustworthy.

KimmySchmidtsSmile Fri 19-Feb-16 02:16:53

I would say nothing. Why? Because the hamster is indeed better off having been rehomed and because your daughter is not that impressionable - you can tell her THIS is exactly why there are phrases like A dog's not just for Xmas and why you do not have a pet (if you don't that is, although if you don't why were you not asked to rehome first or were you and said no?)
Your daughter had a nice day out (how old is she btw?) So use this for a sermon on decision-making/responsibility. If she then repeats any of it to your friend, well, out the mouth of babes....wink

MillionToOneChances Fri 19-Feb-16 02:17:50

I suspect she'll have learned her lesson. What would saying something accomplish?

lborgia Fri 19-Feb-16 02:33:08

Yes, use the lesson lightly with your daughter but don't bring it up with work colleague. Maybe less time 1-2-1 between her and your daughter too? !

PinkPjamas Fri 19-Feb-16 02:48:47

I disagree, sorry. I would have to say something to prevent her from doing it again. Nicely, though. I would ask if the hamster had a better home now, and try somehow to drum it into her that animals should be treated with respect.

But then, I am a bit daft for animals, in other's words.

Spring2016 Fri 19-Feb-16 03:00:15

Stay out of it. It is a hampster, and will be fine rehomed, it isn't like she had it for enough time for them to bond. If she ever wants another pet, research with her so she will know more about the animal perhaps?

PitPatKitKat Fri 19-Feb-16 03:29:27

Any chance the ranty emails from her sister made her belatedly realise she was making a mistake? Or that the family disapproval put her off? And that she realised the best thing was to find a better home for the hamster.

If she has learned her lesson, no harm in a kind conversation about how she feels/what she learned about the whole thing, in a supportive way. If she's just cavalier and callous , then no conversation, supportive or otherwise, is going to make a difference.

Don't think that telling her you feel this is appalling/spoilt behaviour would be the best tack though. If she's learned her lesson, it'd be too harsh, if she's just a bit of a sociopath it won't make any difference.

dontcallmecis Fri 19-Feb-16 03:37:16

I don't think the hamster cares.

PirateSmile Fri 19-Feb-16 04:33:13

She's been really good to you and helped you enormously. Seems to me she's a good person who made a mistake. Nobody is perfect. I know I have made huge mistakes in my life i wouldn't want to be solely judged for. Part of any true friendship, relationship etc is accepting people faults and all (obviously this is within reason) and as a pp the hamster is fine.

TubbyTabby Fri 19-Feb-16 04:33:13

no - don't say anything.
not worth it.

var123 Fri 19-Feb-16 04:37:11

Not your place to say, and it would be very, very unwise to venture an opinion except a chat with your DD (who i assume is a child?) to say that we don't do that.

var123 Fri 19-Feb-16 04:38:06

Oh and you shouldn't have got involved in her family arguments either - that's not your place either.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 19-Feb-16 05:07:15

Stay out of it. Tell your DD independently that this is NOT how one should treat a pet - but don't say anything to her, as it's precisely none of your business.

CooPie10 Fri 19-Feb-16 05:09:33

It really isn't your business or your place at all to say anything!! You are a parent to your dd, not her. Speak to your dd about it but definitely keep out of her business. She is still your colleague first.

BillSykesDog Fri 19-Feb-16 05:43:40

OP, it's better that she returned the hamster rather than neglected it.

Scarydinosaurs Fri 19-Feb-16 05:55:28

You don't have to like everything your friends do. Don't worry about it.

Fiona80 Fri 19-Feb-16 08:37:59

It's only a hamster, and she did not have it long enough to form a bond.

It's probably better she rehomed it quickly rather than later, she probably was just upset with the valentines scenario and did it on a whim. People make mistakes, I wouldn't say anything. I would go by how she treated you, not an animal she bought when she was clearly upset. Rather it be rehomed than her not looking after it.

As for our daughter and explaining the situation, if your daughter asks explain it as it was a big responsibility to look after it, like a dog isn't just for Xmas.

Can't c why ur making a big deal out of it.

Rainatnight Fri 19-Feb-16 08:41:22

I really agree with PirateSmile. She's been a good friend to you, so obviously not a 'bad' person. It was a mistake. Think of the bigger picture and move on.

IrenetheQuaint Fri 19-Feb-16 08:46:12

She sounds quite childish and flighty and of course it's very annoying for you, but it's not a massive crime. Grit your teeth and try to forget about it.

AnUtterIdiot Fri 19-Feb-16 08:47:51

I am very soppy about animals but sometimes people just underestimate the work involved (even with a hamster) or overestimate the return from a pet. Your friend realised quickly that she had made a mistake and rehomed the hamster. She's been a good friend to you and made a mistake which she rectified very quickly. The hamster has already been rehomed and will be a lot happier with its new owner.

As long as the takeaway for your DD is that you don't commit to an animal unless you've thought about it long and hard and are ready to do the work, I would say nothing.

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