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to not know what to bloody do (long sorry)

(7 Posts)
wtfisgoingonhere Thu 18-Feb-16 23:59:53

Cba with name changes - those of you who recognise my name will know the history but brief summary is DH suffers anxiety and depression, exacerbated by treatment at work, signed off any they dismissed him. Long fight for them to admit responsibility which they never did

DH was originally referred to local mental health team in jan 14 (yes 2 years ago) initially he was passed to and from various assessments as his issues were too severe for team a, then he joined some other queue then team b said he wasn't severe enough for them. Fast forward another year (autumn 15) and after numerous clerical issues and constant chasing by his gp he finally meets someone before christmas

Session goes well hubby said he opened up and the bloke he spoke to was great. Will arrange some things for his anger (he gets very frustrated) some cbt and changed his meds to be reviewed in 6-8 weeks

So far so good, it's taken an age but we are feeling positive that he's getting help, meds seem to be helping mood improving etc

Cue last week
DH went to followup appointment, and this is where it all goes wrong.
Completely different person he sees, fine in theory but he clearly hadn't read notes as didn't know DH name or any of his history (it was def not in a 'let's recap ' kind of way) he tells hubby basically 'you need to lose weight, better get you to the gym' calls him stupid (yes he actually said that) when discussing the meds and realised hubby had misunderstood something at previous meeting and minimised pretty much every concern hubby had.

It might sound trivial to you written down but hubby came away really upset and feeling crap. I now feel hopeless as he was doing so well and now we feel it's back to square one. Hubby felt he got absolutely no help or support from the meeting .

I just feel like this has been going on for ages, 2 years now and I can't see it getting better. What can we do? Hubby already told reception staff he could not see that man again, I have no idea who we could complain to, I don't want that to jeopardise any help he might get.

I feel awful saying it but I need to tell someone, but hubby isn't easy to live with at the minute. I'm busy and stressed at work, money is a major stress as only my income, I'm battling my depression and I just don't know what to do

I want the (happy, fun) man I married back sad sadsad

TheCatsFlaps Fri 19-Feb-16 00:39:54

Has the person treating your husband left their job, or could it be your DH just saw someone covering for them? Quite often with NHS services you get who you are given, and requests to see a named person can see you forced down the waiting list.

It is worth putting concerns in a letter to your trust/health board (check their website or google patient relations for your area), because some people are genuinely oblivious to what they have done wrong (though, not always). I think time is of the essence here, especially when your husband is in crisis.

goodenoughmum88 Fri 19-Feb-16 00:54:40

I'm so sorry, this sounds awful and frustrating and indicative of services at the moment. ( am a CPN and hear snooty this kind of thing happening often).
Call the team, ask for the manager and send this in (as explained above) via their PALS service to start with. They have to act and respond, PALs will do the legwork for you. If you don't complain/explain what's happening it'll carry on as the people who shout the loudest get the help at the moment as resources are so stretched (this is no excuse for how you've been treated, it's awful). And go to your GP and explain the above and how it's making you feel too, so that you can get some help yourself.


BreatheandFlyAway Fri 19-Feb-16 01:00:43

Sounds awful, OP. No knowledgeable advice to offer but just sending support. Please don't feel guilty about feeling fed up - you're human with full range of needs and emotions, just like your husband. Good luck and flowers chocolate to you

wtfisgoingonhere Fri 19-Feb-16 08:05:04

Thank you for the replies I did finally drop of to sleep last night (though doesn't feel like it this morning )
As hard as it was I did insist hubby wrote out what the bloke said, and in response to what, when he got home from appointment so we could write in to complain, I just need to find out where to write

Thank you all for your kind words x

Foxyloxy1plus1 Fri 19-Feb-16 09:04:57

I don' think it's unusual to see someone different every time unfortunately, although it's unsatisfactory. I saw three different people in two different venues over a short period of time. They all got new jobs. I would have hoped to continue but the third one got a new job too.

Then I was offered telephone consultations, which are really not the same as seeing someone face to face and if you miss a call, or something happens, they stop the calls.

They will say they are doing what they can. I think it's yet another example of how poorly mental health services are resourced.

wtfisgoingonhere Fri 19-Feb-16 18:03:47

Foxy - I don't object to him seeing someone else, as appreciate this is often the case, it was pointed out more to highlight that there is clearly no consistency.

I see any doctor at my surgery but they know the meds I'm on, that I'm asthmatic etc.
I realise it's early days and being a different person they want to recap etc but this wasn't it - he clearly had no idea about DH condition.

I just feel helpless. We waited all this time and this is what we get. If his leg was hanging off (crazy example) but he could manage to function at a basic level, no Dr anywhere would expect you to wait years to get it reattached !

Not entirely comparable I know but I'm trying to find an equivalent physical scenario

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