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to think it is cruel to pick on a man for this

(168 Posts)
alpacaonfire Thu 18-Feb-16 21:57:10

There is a young guy on our office relatively recently joined. Although he's early ish 20s he is significantly bald. My female manager early 30s is forever commenting on it, sometimes on front of him sometimes not. He smiles and laughs along but I sense he is actually quite hurt by the things she says and embarrassed about his baldness and relative youth. AIBU?

BillSykesDog Thu 18-Feb-16 21:57:59

YANBU, horrible and unprofessional.

timelytess Thu 18-Feb-16 21:59:09

Bullying and unacceptable.
Isn't it excess of testosterone that causes baldness? So not a bad thing in a man.

CocktailQueen Thu 18-Feb-16 21:59:16

No. She is bullying him and being a bitch. How would she like it if he commented on her buck teeth or spots or hair or weight? FDA. He can't help it.

Talk to her about it - or at least stick up for him when she mentions it again. Or talk to hr?

Trills Thu 18-Feb-16 22:00:13

Rude and unpleasant and unprofessional.

Kr1stina Thu 18-Feb-16 22:00:18

Of course not. It's bullying

VelvetSpoon Thu 18-Feb-16 22:06:08

I dated a guy once who was losing his hair (mid 30s) and he was very conscious of it, used thickening shampoos etc. He had a huge fear of going completely bald, that people were looking at his lack of hair etc. I know he'd have been destroyed to hear someone mocking him like you ref manager is doing.

Is there a way of flagging it to HR for them to speak to her?

thebiscuitindustry Thu 18-Feb-16 22:06:15

YANBU. It's unprofessional and unkind. How would your manager feel if someone kept commenting on some aspect of her appearance?

sooperdooper Thu 18-Feb-16 22:11:26

Totally out of order, I'd have a word with her about it in private

Salmotrutta Thu 18-Feb-16 22:17:54

Anyone who comments on aspects of other people's appearance/passes remarks is an ignorant lout.

Manager or not.

And yes, it's bullying and undermining. Poor chap is probably very humiliated by this.

And your manager sounds like one of those horrors who was never taught manners or how to behave towards others.

alpacaonfire Thu 18-Feb-16 22:17:54

Ok thought as much. I don't want to speak to him directly about it as I think it would embarass him further. IMO we women don't fully understand how this makes esp young men feel self conscious

WitchWay Thu 18-Feb-16 22:18:14

Awful behaviour - completely wrong to pick on anyone because of a physical characteristic.

I was bullied at school because I wore glasses, which was unusual then. Horrible time.

AnyFucker Thu 18-Feb-16 22:19:10

That is vile. Somebody needs to pull her up on it.

Salmotrutta Thu 18-Feb-16 22:19:32

"We women" just need to imagine how we'd like it if someone else was making comments about any aspect of our appearance!

ilovesooty Thu 18-Feb-16 22:24:58

Speak to her about it or refer the situation to HR. It's appalling behaviour.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Thu 18-Feb-16 22:34:23

Can you speak to someone above her? I had to talk to my manager about a female colleague who wolf whistled and made personal comments to a younger male colleague when he was wearing cut off trousers. Just because it's female to male doesn't make it acceptable.

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Feb-16 22:35:21

It's bullying. What does she think she's doing? I would go upwards with this if there is someone to talk to. If she's the top person, I would just say something like, "I'd really hate it if someone said that about me" every time she says it.

velourvoyageur Thu 18-Feb-16 22:35:39

Has she got no social skills whatsoever!
So cruel and she must know she's being horrible? So he's early 20s - I'm early 20s and to be honest most of the people in my age bracket are not that confident. Everyone knows this. Most people haven't quite found their feet yet, let alone a stable sense of self, and then to think that you're also aging faster than the rest of your peers....
I've been scared of hair loss in the past and no one commented on it - if they'd been anything other than reassuring and comforting (which was the only reaction I got) I'd have been feeling ten times worse.

Balding isn't unattractive in a man, but I know how it feels to think your look is changing when you don't want it to. I would hate to lose my hair & I'm sure your manager would too so she must be totally aware of what she's doing. I'd probably do a half-jokey 'yeah ok I think we know your feelings on the subject by now X!' thing next time she does it. Let her know you've noticed it and you're not impressed. Raised eyebrows and awkward silences.
How weird though! you sound nice though, carry on keeping on eye out for your colleagues smile

Seeyounearertime Thu 18-Feb-16 22:38:19

As a man who is losing his flowing locks I can tell you he may be laughing long but he's dying inside.

Mind you, I bruted it out and took charge of my baldness by shaving it with a razor all over. Smooth as pool ball. grin

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Thu 18-Feb-16 22:38:31

Bang out of order. Cause for greivence. I'd say.

ABetaDad1 Thu 18-Feb-16 22:39:00

Somebody should gave a word with her bt couch it as follows:

"I think X might be a bit embarrassed and upset about the hair jokes. I think we ought to cool it a bit"

Just keep it low key and unconfrontational. Sometimes people don't realise a joke is actually bullying.

SnuffleGruntSnorter Thu 18-Feb-16 22:39:03

It's definitely out of order. I'm married to a bald man who is happy that it suits him far more than his unruly curly hair did. It still pisses me off whenever people make jokes about it even if he doesn't mind because it's not ok to make jokes about people's physical appearance.

IJustLostTheGame Thu 18-Feb-16 22:39:19

I'd rather be bald than a bitch.
I would say something to her. Maybe not in his hearing but I would defiantly say something. That is hurtful. And bullying. And it doesn't contribute to a friendly working atmosphere.

GloGirl Thu 18-Feb-16 22:39:22

If he's too embarrassed to put a complaint in personally could you not put one in for him? He'd probably be really happy for them to stop and he'd never know.

FinallyFreeFromItAll Thu 18-Feb-16 22:43:21

I would put in a complaint to HR - you don't need to be the person being bullied to make a complaint and for it to be taken seriously.

I feel really sorry for him. My brother has problems with his hair (lost it during cancer treatment and its only ever come back really sparse on top, although normal on the sides). He is extremely self conscious about it and if anyone said anything about him starting to bald, it would devestate him. Its awful.

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