Advanced search

AIBU about DH's friend's comments re boozy stag do when I'm 38w?

(81 Posts)
TeamSteady Thu 18-Feb-16 17:44:05

I am due DS3 in the first week of June.

Unfortunately there are two weddings we cannot go to this year as they fall v close to our due date and are hours and hours away, so we have had to decline. However DH is going to the stag do of one of them in early May. Part of me is a little hmm as it is a three day affair but it is a close friend and work colleague so I understand.

However, Dh has also been invited to a second stag do around the same time. The groom is not a close friend this time, but someone he worked with about 2 years ago. I think they get on well enough, occasionally meet for drinks a few times per year but not close. He has been invited to the "alternate stag" which will include a wider circle of friends including female friends too. it is being held in central London, where DH and all these people work so easy to get to.

One of the women DH used to work with is organising said stag do and sent an email out asking re dates as she was thinking end of May. DH messaged back and basically said, happy to pop by but I won't be drinking as As Steady will be 38w pregnant then and so I need to be sober and not home late/ in a fit state to rush home if necessary. (DH commutes for work, it would be an hour to get home if he dropped and ran immediately).

She emailed back and said "We can discuss the not drinking and going home early when you get there! <drunken sticky out tongue emoji>

AIBU to want to smack her in the face??! Ok, I admit I am full of raging hormones and it is not the sensible thing or a proportionate response! But really???!! What sensible individual in their 30's (so not some silly teenager) doesn't respect that actually getting off your face and staying out all night is not what you do when you have a heavily pregnant wife and two dc at home?! I have just found it so disrespectful towards me- as if I am some silly nagging wife who is a total bore, when really you'd rather drop her and come and party with us?

DH hasn't responded yet, but didn't seem bothered by the comment, in a kind of, "meh, I'm going to do what i said i would do- what i want to do, and what is the right thing to do, i'm not taking any notice." AIBU to be a little upset that he didn't actually point out what a twunt she was being?

MrsCampbellBlack Thu 18-Feb-16 17:46:52

I think she was joking surely? But you're obviously at the serene/calm stage of pregnancy wink

Runningupthathill82 Thu 18-Feb-16 17:48:57

I think she's probably just joking. And I wouldn't read anything more into it or give it any more headspace.
But as you're currently pg, you are definitely not BU!

Osolea Thu 18-Feb-16 17:49:53

YABU to think your DH should have pointed out anything to someone who just made a harmless comment over email. I understand totally why it feels disrespectful, but she's in the mindset if trying to organise a night out drinking so she's just not thinking. There's no need for your DH to respond.

Your DH will be able to stick to the not drinking, and the comment will make no difference to anything.

AnyFucker Thu 18-Feb-16 17:50:16


HelsBels3000 Thu 18-Feb-16 17:50:44

Deep breaths!!!
Female friend has clearly never been pregnant so would not appreciate the idiocy of her comment. She does deserve a smack - suspect YWBU if you were to dish out said smack.

teacher54321 Thu 18-Feb-16 17:51:19

That is the kind of thing that people say to each other aaaaaaalll the time. He has no intention of changing his mind and getting shitfaced, she was just joking with a mate. Unless she has form for being a pain in the arse and undermining you then I think you are massively overreacting on what is essentially just a night out after work.

Whatdoidohelp Thu 18-Feb-16 17:52:39

At 38 weeks Yanbu! I hope she was just kiddinghmm

Notso Thu 18-Feb-16 17:52:45

grin MrsCampbellBlack

Duckdeamon Thu 18-Feb-16 17:53:54

Her comment is annoying but sounds fairly common sort of thing from people with no DC!

No need to do anything: your DH is the decision maker.

Are you annoyed with your DH for attending at all? Or worried that he'll hit the booze? (You sound it a bit, eg mentioning the other three day do and that the stag is not a close friend).

TeamSteady Thu 18-Feb-16 17:54:30

Alright, I grading accept the MN verdict! I clearly am hormonal, having had a horrific time with ds2 in late pregnancy I am probably being even more sensitive/panicky than your average pregnant person. Glad I checked before throwing a mega strop grin

Duckdeamon Thu 18-Feb-16 17:54:32

I mean your DH is the decision maker as regards his drinking or not!

SueGeneris Thu 18-Feb-16 17:55:11

I guess you kind of are being U ... but I would feel exactly the same as you. I know where you're coming from.

vestandknickers Thu 18-Feb-16 17:56:23

YABU. She was probably just teasing your OH who really didn't need to give so much derail about his movements at thus stage.

teacher54321 Thu 18-Feb-16 17:57:05

Try not to panic-it sounds like the kind of thing he could duck out of at the last minute and hopefully you will sail through late pregnancy glowing and full of joy! smile

MrsCampbellBlack Thu 18-Feb-16 17:57:45

I lost it at the end of pregnancy number 3 over the correct way to fold a vest wink

AnyFucker Thu 18-Feb-16 17:57:47

What us it you are panicking about ?

Oysterbabe Thu 18-Feb-16 17:58:50

You're definitely overreacting. It's a harmless, jokey comment.

DirtyHarrietOnABike Thu 18-Feb-16 17:59:28

Come on... are you jealous?
I agree that what she said was idiotic, but what really matters is that your husband is responsible enough in action. Plus I have a feeling she was half joking. Take it easy. All will be ok smile

TeamSteady Thu 18-Feb-16 18:01:24

If I am honest Duckdemon I would have preferred he didn't go seeing as he isn't really even good friends with this guy. He is going on a three day jolly for the first stag on 13-15th May, so it's not like he will have been starved of any "time off" with his mates. (And I'm a miserable cow bag, that doesn't really see the need for huge and ridiculously expensive weekend/week long stag dos at the best of times!)

BUT i haven't told him I would rather he didn't go to this later stag do, so in his defence he doesn't know. I think it probably best to leave it and see how I feel closer to the time. If all is well then in the grand scheme of things it's no big deal for a night out, however if I'm struggling then hopefully he will decide not to go of his own accord.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Thu 18-Feb-16 18:04:52

YABU and, unless you share an email account, you shouldn't have seen the email in the first place a its not nice to read other people's emails.

It wa a joke, sort of thing people do all the time or life would be very boring.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 18-Feb-16 18:05:06

Yabu. Really over the top!

It's up to your Dh to stick to his limits, and no one elses issue/concern/problem. I never understand this. If I say I'm not drinking, then I don't drink.

JizzyStradlin Thu 18-Feb-16 18:07:22

Hopefully she's just making a daft joke, but actually I can see why that would piss you off. In any case, you're dealing with pregnancy and parenting two children, so by definition yanbu provided you manage not to cause any international incidents.

You should tell him you don't feel comfortable with him going, though.

Jackiebrambles Thu 18-Feb-16 18:07:51

Oh bless you, it was just a silly comment. Not to be heeded and Dh clearly won't!

I do understand though!

PaulAnkaTheDog Thu 18-Feb-16 18:12:07

I don't even get why people are saying her comment was idiotic. It was clearly a joke!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now