to be utterly fecked off with NDN? Rant alert.

(42 Posts)
Rubberbandits Thu 18-Feb-16 12:31:40

Background:
Last year I received a wedding invite to our NDN's daughter's wedding. The invite was for me and my very elderly (92) father. My Dad isn't very mobile and has to be close to a toilet as he has prostate/bladder issues. The church ceremony was local but the reception was over an hour's drive away. My DH was not included in the invitation. Having attended weddings on my own before, I know I do not enjoy them.Especially when I have to drive and stay on water. Wedding music is crap too. Actually I don't really enjoy them when I am with someone. Anyway, there was no way Dad was able to go to the reception and I decided to decline but we gave a cash gift of £100. The bride came round to try to convince me to go and asked did I want to take someone with me, she doesn't know my DH, it was a bit uncomfortable and she tried to return the cash but I insisted she keep it. I told her my Dad and I would go to the church and see her married. On the day Dad was unwell and I had three unexpected visitors. So no one went to the church and her Mum, my NDN hasn't spoken to me since. Ah well.
Not only has she not spoken to me but has blanked me in public, deliberately turning her back to me when I greeted her. It was a bit mortifying as it was in front of mutual acquaintances . If I drive past her house and she is in the garden, she stares (brazenly) at me but never returns my wave. Her DH will wave but her son blanks me too. I think this all rather childish but obviously our refusal has offended her deeply.
So last week I drove past her on the way to a local event, think rural community type thing. All the village was there. I can't remember if I saw her or not, but if I did I would have nodded/waved and she would have given me her normal death stare. So today........
A mutual neighbour told me that NDN was waiting for a lift to the event and I drove past without offering one leaving her on the side of the road. NDN said how she thought I was unmannerly and unneighbourly. And lots more stuff about how I was unpleasant (bitch, cunt etc).She knows my number and could have rang to ask, I would have gladly given her a lift. She could have waved me down and I would have stopped for her. I know she wants to stir up a drama making herself a victim and me the evil perpetrator. I know most of the village knows her for this type of thing. The thing is, she has really upset my Dad.
I so want to go round with a few bricks and put her windows in. I really want to spray her flowerbeds with bleach. I want to superglue her locks. I won't though. I won't even discuss this outside the family. She has done and said so much shit over the thirty five years our families have lived here. Really nasty spiteful stuff. My Mum, who was a very lady like and gentle person, once threatened to punch her lights out!
I will say nothing, do nothing but it's really hard knowing that she is saying stuff like this about me.
Thanks for letting me rant. I can't do it anywhere else.

DoreenLethal Thu 18-Feb-16 12:33:45

That's what you get for blanking someone. Tough shit on her.

acasualobserver Thu 18-Feb-16 12:43:19

I so want to go round with a few bricks and put her windows in. I really want to spray her flowerbeds with bleach. I want to superglue her locks. I won't though

Go on! You know you'll feel better.

DoBananasWearPajamas Thu 18-Feb-16 12:46:11

keep thinking those ranty thoughts, vent here, you'll feel much better

SquidgeyMidgey Thu 18-Feb-16 12:47:11

If NDN didn't tell you she was waiting for a lift then how on earth were you supposed to know? Stupid woman. If the village knows what she is like then try not to let it get to you.

Groovee Thu 18-Feb-16 12:47:30

She sounds like she thrives on drama! £100 is an extremely generous gift. She sounds like she needs ignored. Stop waving and death stare her back.

goodnightdarthvader1 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:50:29

If I were you, I'd go round and clear the air, explain why you didn't attend the wedding at all. She may not have been aware your dad was ill. Having 3 unexpected visitors isn't a good reason for skipping a wedding so a bit puzzled by that bit, but your dad being ill is a valid reason.

If she's still a cow, THEN put her windows in.

OldCrowMedicineShow Thu 18-Feb-16 12:51:08

Learn to play the bagpipes.

BarbarianMum Thu 18-Feb-16 12:54:47

You did explain to her why you missed her wedding, right? And not put it down to "unexpected visitors"? She isn't behaving well but it is clear she really wanted you there, so I guess she was really hurt when you didn't show.

HelsBels3000 Thu 18-Feb-16 13:01:56

I second a musical instrument - piano? drums? against the wall grin

BeardMinge Thu 18-Feb-16 13:11:19

You sound as bad as each other. Why would you give her daughter £100 as a wedding gift if you dislike your NDN so much? Why would you agree to go to a wedding you didn't want to go to in the first place? Why have you not explained that your dad was ill on the day?

YABU.

Rubberbandits Thu 18-Feb-16 13:11:40

Ha! Thank you !
It wasn't having three unexpected visitors, it was leaving a sick elderly man with three strangers ( to him).
Her DH knew Dad was ill. She was already not speaking to me before the wedding. I just thought it was too much drama to sit at the back of the church receiving her death glare or being blanked.
They are farmers. I think I'll rustle their cattle. Yee haw......

Coconutty Thu 18-Feb-16 13:16:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rubberbandits Thu 18-Feb-16 13:16:38

Beardminge. £100 is a normal amount for a gift round these here parts. ( Channeling cattle rustler)
My mantra is like Kate Moss: don't explain, don't justify. I am trying to be dignified and adult. Anyway she started it.

shinynewusername Thu 18-Feb-16 13:24:27

No one does a grudge like a farmer (I come from a farming family).

Tempting as it might be to superglue their locks, the best revenge is actually to pretend that you haven't noticed the blanking. Carry on smiling and waving cheerily - it will drive them mad wink

GruntledOne Thu 18-Feb-16 13:34:48

I don't quite follow why the unexpected visitors stopped you going to the wedding. Couldn't you have said "Great to see you but I have to go out soon, could we meet up sometime soon?" or something like that?

Ooogetyooo Thu 18-Feb-16 13:43:52

We live in a rural area, farmers can be funny folk, bit insular and expect people to kowtow to them esp if they have farmed there for generations. I believe in karma and what goes around comes around. Ignore , be serene, smile and wave and enjoy the higher ground.yanbu.

Ooogetyooo Thu 18-Feb-16 13:45:30

Gruntled did you not read the thread op said her elderly father was ill on the day, why would she leave him behind to attend a wedding?

goodnightdarthvader1 Thu 18-Feb-16 13:45:58

Why would you have to leave your dad with 3 strangers? No one is suggesting you should have left him and gone to the wedding, but your OP sounds like the 3 unexpected visitors stopped you from going, as well as your dad being ill. So you decided not to go because of "drama" that she wasn't speaking to you already (dripfeed) rather than your dad being ill? That's 3 excuses now. Sorry, but you're making no sense.

And with all the coke Moss shoved up her nose, I wouldn't be using her as a role model. People get the wrong end of the stick, and if you'd agreed to go but didn't tell her your dad was ill on the day, it doesn't look good, tbh.

Ooogetyooo Thu 18-Feb-16 13:49:42

Are we forgetting that the op gave the daughter £100 as a wedding present. how has the op become the bad guy in all of this.

BackInTheRealWorld Thu 18-Feb-16 13:53:23

So when she didn't invite your husband but suggested you bring a plus one did that not mean your husband?

goodnightdarthvader1 Thu 18-Feb-16 13:59:01

She's not the bad guy, but fact is she said she'd go and then didn't. Her dad was ill, totally understandable, but the NDN isn't a mindreader, especially with OP's 3 excuses. If I can't get it clear, I doubt the NDN can.

shinynewusername Thu 18-Feb-16 14:00:26

that's 3 excuses now. Sorry, but you're making no sense

I think the OP means that she declined the reception invitations at the outset, but that she and her DF had intended to go to the church ceremony. In the end, they didn't because her DF didn't feel up to it.

goodnightdarthvader1 Thu 18-Feb-16 14:03:35

I get THAT. But she said she didn't go in the end because her dad unwell, AND she had 3 unexpected visitors, AND the NDN hadn't been talking to her previously so she didn't want to go and cause drama and be glared at. So which of these 3 reasons did she tell the NDN? None, it would appear.

3WiseWomen Thu 18-Feb-16 14:05:01

I have to say I'm surprised at a wedding invite for your dad and you but not your DH. Surely being your NDN she knows you are married, she sees him more or less everyday??

It looks like she thought you didn't want to go to her wedding in the first place.

Carry on. Keep quiet but I would correct people when they tell you have ignored her at the village event etc... Just look very surprised and correct them. Don't maker massive fuss about it. They'll know.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now