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to think this is cheeky and refuse to pay?

(135 Posts)
Evaisaiah Thu 18-Feb-16 09:46:50

It was dm's birthday recently and money is tight at the moment so i took her out for a lunch and bought her a book she wanted, all seemed fine. However dsis knew that dm had been after a new TV so dsis and another sister (there are 5 of us!) decided to buy her a new one.
Now me and other dsis have received texts saying 'Hi E, hope you are ok. Please could you leave the 50pound towards the TV at mums house, cheers'.

WTF, there has been no discussion or agreement at all beforehand that we were paying towards their present. AIBU that this is cheeky?

CooPie10 Thu 18-Feb-16 09:48:02

Yanbu, you haven't agreed prior to them buying it.

DoreenLethal Thu 18-Feb-16 09:48:58

'No, I've already bought her present and taken her out for lunch'.

FiveGoMadInDorset Thu 18-Feb-16 09:48:59

Definitely cheeky

BillSykesDog Thu 18-Feb-16 09:49:16

Just reply and say you can't afford and have bought your Mum a present yourself. DHs brothers sometimes do this, it's a pain.

Littletabbyocelot Thu 18-Feb-16 09:51:23

I'd say no if money is tight. Completely unfair and cheeky.

TheNinjaPigeon Thu 18-Feb-16 09:51:36

Just tell them no. You've already bought a gift.

nilbyname Thu 18-Feb-16 09:53:04

That's very cheeky!

Just tell her no.

Gatehouse77 Thu 18-Feb-16 09:54:42

Agree that if there's been no prior discussion, say no.

yorkshapudding Thu 18-Feb-16 09:54:55

YANBU. "Hi X, there seems to have been some confusion. No one told me about the TV so I went ahead and got my own gift and treated her to lunch." No further explanation required, if they wanted a contribution they should have consulted you beforehand and even then you would have been completely within your rights to decline and do your own thing.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth Thu 18-Feb-16 09:55:13

Of course you shouldn't pay! "I already bought mum a present". How weird, why on earth didn't they speak to you BEFORE buying the tv?

Don't pay!

Pseudo341 Thu 18-Feb-16 09:55:56

Very cheeky, they should have got everyone's agreement before buying it. If you give in to this there'll be more of the same I imagine. Definitely need to put your foot down and refuse to pay. YADNBU

Evaisaiah Thu 18-Feb-16 09:59:00

No, i knew they were buying it but there was no mention of me making a contribution.
If i was contributing then i would have liked some input in choosing it at least, we weren't even invited to come along and choose it!

CalleighDoodle Thu 18-Feb-16 09:59:35

Send doreen's reply word for word. There's no need for them to know any more.

pictish Thu 18-Feb-16 10:00:42

Hi Sis
Given I didn't agree to chipping in for a new telly before you bought one and already took mum out for lunch and bought a gift, it's going to be a no from me. Next time it might be prudent to discuss a joint gift before purchasing.

startingmylifeagain Thu 18-Feb-16 10:00:47

YANBU at all. It's completely thoughtless and cheeky for someone to do this.

I would text "Hi Dsis, actually no one told me about the TV you bought so I've already taken mum out and bought her a gift. Hope she enjoys the TV! Love, op. X"

KinkyAfro Thu 18-Feb-16 10:01:52

Send the reply from pictish, it's perfect

BiddyPop Thu 18-Feb-16 10:02:41

Some in my family have a habit of doing this - we did it once (pre agreed) for a significant birthday, and then another sibling decided to do it for a few more without pre-agreement. A couple I was ok with as I wasn't yet organized, but then she asked (en route) about paying towards a necklace already bought from "the siblings" for an Aunt's 60th, but the actual birthday had been about 5 weeks before then and I had given her a present on the day. So sibling was quite miffed when I said no, and also that I did not "happen to have" a spare 60th birthday card in my stash (I have a decent cards drawer but had no 60ths as they are not needed that often, and had just used up the last of the nice, non-age, birthday cards for adult girls). So she was down a reasonable amount for her, and as DM was travelling with her, DM got cross with me as well - but I did point out that nothing had been agreed (DM only half got it).

She has not yet tried that particular one with me, and has at least asked in advance about getting a gift. (She has also "arranged" a gift that has yet to be handed over, 3 years later, as the organization part she needed to do has not been done).

startingmylifeagain Thu 18-Feb-16 10:02:51

X post!
Ok then just say well actually I didn't know you were expecting us all to chip in and i've already bought my gift.
Cheeky woman.

expatinscotland Thu 18-Feb-16 10:06:16

What pictish wrote. Nail hitting head.

Arfarfanarf Thu 18-Feb-16 10:12:26

It is.

I'd reply hi, I didn't know you were buying her a tv. I've already given her her gift from me so won't be going in on this with you as well. If you'd asked me first I might have chosen to go in with a joint one instead.

loosechange Thu 18-Feb-16 10:13:47

Decline as above or this will keep happening (in my experience anyway).

Subsequently you will be asked if you want to join in, rather than it be presumed.

Arfarfanarf Thu 18-Feb-16 10:14:49

xpost. didn't know you planned the tv you were buying to be from all of us. Might have been a good idea to suggest that to me and ask if I was ok with that. I've already given mum my gift so no, I won't be contributing to this as well.

that sort of thing.

Sunshine87 Thu 18-Feb-16 10:20:07

Im going agaisnt the grain your dd has got a tv for her birthday. So you contribution is miminal in comparison to what it would cost you to pay for it yourself. Why cut off your nose to spite your face the only person to suffer is your dd. I don't mean to sound harsh but a meal out and book for a childs birthday isn't much at all.

Sunshine87 Thu 18-Feb-16 10:21:39

Sorry misread thought it was DD not DM.

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