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AIBU to think i shouldn't have to put up with my job any more

(43 Posts)
lisa2104 Thu 18-Feb-16 08:29:35

I started my part time job two years ago. Every day I face some kind of negative comments and criticism. Mainly from one person bit occasionally my boss joins in. Sometimes it's fair other times not. Even when I do something good they find fault. I have only put up with it because of the hours 9-1 weekdays and because oh was planning on us moving. He has now found another job and we will be moving in a few months. I was meant to resign this month but he wants me to stick it out so we have some money in the pot. This is getting me down to the point where I talk about it all the time and we have arguments about it in front of 3 year old dd. Not blazing rows but there is tension. I feel I've had all I can take and I have reached my limit. I've tried blowing my top and I've tried not reacting. I can't win whatever I do as one minute I'm doing too much and next minute not using my initiative. Last summer I was leaving work in tears and whilst I've stopped that (apart from just before Christmas) I just can't stop thinking about it. Added into this is that I want to spend as much time as possible with dd before she starts school.

DoreenLethal Thu 18-Feb-16 08:32:53

Can you put a grievance in for bullying as it sounds like it is persistent and sustained.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Thu 18-Feb-16 08:36:48

If it's been going on since last summer, why haven't you raised the issue or moved jobs? If some of the criticism is fair, have you addressed the issues raised?

Your OH is not in the wrong for wanting to keep your income, it's a lot to ask of a person that they shoulder the entire financial burden. He might want to spend more time with his DD too.

Creampastry Thu 18-Feb-16 08:39:07

Put a grievance in, make them answer for being nasty bastards to you, and then resign and leave them to their misery.

lisa2104 Thu 18-Feb-16 08:41:26

I can't raise a grievance as they are all best mates and HR is just completely in love with them all. It would make things worse. I have defended myself before and said things but it just makes me look like I'm causing trouble. I haven't left my job because oh keeps saying we will move in a couple of months but then he wanted to stay in his job until he got this year's bonus. I was meant to resign this month because he was going to move to another branch at his company but now he has this new job we have to stay put for a few more months.

hilbil21 Thu 18-Feb-16 08:42:27

Do you get sick pay?

lisa2104 Thu 18-Feb-16 08:43:51

Yes. I got signed off once but decided I would worry more at work.

Ratbagcatbag Thu 18-Feb-16 08:44:00

If you're going to resign anyway, I'd put in a formal complaint in the way of a grievance. HR still have to follow procedures even if they are mates. Can you look for a job locally that you can do for a few months?

hilbil21 Thu 18-Feb-16 08:45:43

If you're going to resign anyway I would go off sick !! Till you move X

lisa2104 Thu 18-Feb-16 08:47:04

It's like yesterday I found out this colleague and put some money against the wrong invoice. That invoice receipt was about to go out then I had an email saying the invoice was in query. So it was the wrong one she thought had been paid. I called the client and asked for some more information but because I then called someone else about the query I got told I was getting too involved and wasting their time. When I pointed out I had corrected an error I just got yeah that's great but we are criticising you because you got involved in something that's not your concern!

Flumplet Thu 18-Feb-16 08:52:24

Smile at them, and take out a notebook and scribble a note in front of them. Every. Single. Time.

ILoveMyMonkey Thu 18-Feb-16 08:54:09

If you're going to resign anyway I would go off sick !! Till you move

Life's too short, enjoy your "sick leave" with your daughter. Also, it's not your DH choice to dictate your working life - no job is worth being that unhappy for, if it were me and we really needed more money I'd quit and get a part time job in a shop or somewhere.

lisa2104 Thu 18-Feb-16 08:58:50

I'm giving it today!

HannahHobbins Thu 18-Feb-16 09:05:04

Ooh go for it op!

You mean you're resigning today?

I think really you might as well as you'll be leaving so soon anyway and you're not happy - and being bullied there.

Try to keep some perspective about this P/T job you may or may not continue with for another month or to before you move.

When does DD start school - in September?

QOD Thu 18-Feb-16 09:18:12

Good luck. Life's too short flowers

blueshoes Thu 18-Feb-16 09:29:21

OP, all the best.

I totally respect you for not going on sick leave. I know people who would do that and there is a special place in hell for them.

startingmylifeagain Thu 18-Feb-16 10:12:31

"I can't raise a grievance as they are all best mates and HR is just completely in love with them all"

Bullies rely on this kind of mentality and fear of not being believed from their victims.
I wouldn't care how "matey" they all are, I would still 100% take it further. Bullying at work and making you feel small like that on a daily basis is unacceptable.

Seriously you only have a few months to go? Can you be signed off sick? Can you stick it out?
Either way put that grievance in, bullies deserve to be challenged otherwise they'll keep doing it to others.

lisa2104 Thu 18-Feb-16 10:39:54

Not resigning today. I was going to see how it goes today.

lisa2104 Thu 18-Feb-16 13:43:23

So I've left work for the day and it was fine. But I didn't have any major problems to discuss. The pattern I'm noticing is when I have to bring up something this woman has done she takes the opportunity to have a go at me. She gets defensive. She's been off for a while so I think it's been a shock to me. I need to stay calm and not let it bother me but it's really difficult. I want another baby but the stress won't help. Today I just did what was required of me. My job is so basic it's boring!

lisa2104 Thu 18-Feb-16 13:44:55

Hi juggling my dd isn't starting school until next September. When you say perspective do you mean just to not let it get to me?

witsender Thu 18-Feb-16 13:49:13

I totally respect you for not going on sick leave. I know people who would do that and there is a special place in hell for them.

Why so Blue?

Waypasttethersend Thu 18-Feb-16 13:55:01

Because she's not sick Eits?.

I hate that reaction too, it makes people suffering from genuine illness look like they are swinging the lead and leads bad managers to feel justified.

It's better to either choose to deal with the issue via the proper channels or leave as OP plans.

Waypasttethersend Thu 18-Feb-16 13:55:22

confused wits

ManneryTowers Thu 18-Feb-16 13:59:59

Your employer is also entitled to ask for evidence of your illness if you are on long term sick leave. If you can't provide evidence you will be asked to return to work or be dismissed for gross misconduct. That wouldn't help in the future when you look for another job.
Although it's hard, for the sake of family finances can you tough it out for a few more months? flowers for you as it is soul destroying to feel on your guard at work all the time.

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