Gaming Dilemma

[Cutecat78]

I made DS1 (now 18) wait until he was 16 to play 18 games. This caused a lot of friction and he was mortified to the point he wouldn't invite and friends around.

DS2 is 13. He has ASD. He doesn't really socialise although does (with friends) over games on his laptop.

For Christmas I got him a (secondhand) Xbox One (he asked for one) and a TV for his room to play on.

He doesn't play on it at all because he only has one game and his mates all play 18 games.

I am adamant he is not playing GTA. But I know he plays 18s at his dad's and I know his brother has bribed him a fiver to not tell me he's played 18 games on his (DS1) PS4.

I wish everyone stuck to the rules (re this) but they don't and I feel like I am fighting a losing battle and am digging my heels in pointlessly and have paid for a gift that isn't being used.

AIBU or do I give up and relax my rules?

[Cutecat78]

He's constantly asking for pocket money (which I don't want to give him because he just gorges on shit ).

Could I make it "reward" or is this really wrong ARGH!!!

[ForeverLivingMyArse]

I will probably be in the minority but I would relax my rules, but get to know the games and where you draw the line.

[LordBrightside]

Give up and relax the rules. Let them play the games.

[jadorecakesnbiscuits]

I would let them play the games but I have a particular issue with GTA, it's terrible

[Cutecat78]

Yeah I have an issue with GTA too.

It's a good idea to play the games.

[Cutecat78]

For me to sorry

[lostincumbria]

Research the games.i didn't want my eldest passing anything sexual or involving torture. Swearing was allowed, This meant I allowed certain games to be played younger than the rating.

[Cutecat78]

I'm not bothered about swearing as long as it isn't repeated.

[LordBrightside]

"the games but I have a particular issue with GTA, it's terrible"
Nobody's asking you to play it.

[Cutecat78]

No - I also don't want my 13 yr old son playing it?

[Theendispie]

You need to be switched on to who he is talking to online more than any game content he will ever play.

[AdriftOnMemoryBliss]

i think it depends which games.

I don't think Call of Duty warrants an 18 to be honest, its not any different to the HALO games which are usually a 16.

I agree on GTA though, i have even told DH he's not allowed it because i don't want it in the house!

[AdriftOnMemoryBliss]

Just a thought, most games will have someone doing a run through on youtube.

Perhaps look them up on there, watch a couple of levels being played and see what you think?

[RhiWrites]

I play GTA. It's a city exploration game with racing and shooting. Those are mean streets but different games have different contexts for the violence. One character is an immigrant with mobster connections, another is a gangland player, another is a Mafioso. Yes, you shoot people in the head but you do that in every first person shooter.

It hasn't made me want to shoot people in the head or steal cars in real life. And the more egregious things people always cute about GTA (having sex with a pros you're and murdering her) sound bad but in practice have nothing to do with the game, I have personally never done this.

Why don't you let him play and set up a game yourself to see what you think of it - he can teach you the controls. There are lits of completely innocuous missions (racing, pizza delivery) as well as the main storyline which will be violent.

GTA gets a lot of bad press but it's a fantastic game and a completely explorable world.

And if it's too hard core for you, get him the most recent Fallout instead.

[DoreenLethal]

It hasn't made me want to shoot people in the head or steal cars in real life.

Are you 13 with ASD? If not then you can't really compare can you?

[KidLorneRoll]

The main story of GTA 5 is in no way suitable for a 13 year old. It just isn't.

It's an adult story and even as an adult there were parts in it which made me uncomfortable.

However outside of the missions if you treat it as a driving round a city simulator it's fine and under supervision (avoiding the missions, possibly with the sound down if the swearing bothers you) I would let a 13 year old play it.

[OddBoots]

How would you feel about him playing them in a living area rather than his bedroom?

[Keeptrudging]

You're right to stick to your guns. Although you can't stop him being exposed to these games, you are minimising his ability to become immersed on a daily basis in unsuitable content. The ASD is a factor in that he is more likely to play to the extreme.

[Terribleknitter]

I would stick to the rules regarding GTA, I'm extremely relaxed about gaming with our DC's but still draw the line with that one. DS has played it and I didn't like the aggression he displayed afterwards.
How about games with a more involved storyline like Elder Scrolls or Fall Out 4? I haven't played Halo for a while but I do remember it being a great game. The new Star Wars one is just like the film as far as I could see but DD1 (10) found it very slow going.

[harrasseddotcom]

It hasn't made me want to shoot people in the head or steal cars in real life.

Are you 13 with ASD? If not then you can't really compare can you?

And that comes across even worse, if you have ASD and play GTA you will want to start shooting people in real life? Really?

[tabulahrasa]

I let mine play some games and not others...depending on content.

Shoot em up style games I didn't really bother about by 13 as I was confident by that age that it wasn't going to affect him, language didn't concern me as his ASD meant that he was far stricter about not swearing than I am, lol...but anything where the content actually distressed me like GTA or ones with things like torture in them waited until he was older.

[harrasseddotcom]

my brother has ASD, and he played these games (albeit the earlier versions) underage. He didnt turn into a gangster intent on killing anyone. What i would say is my mum had to limit his xbox time tho as he would have played it 24/7 if he could. Ds is ASD. I think everything in moderation (but he is only 5 yet so no interest in GTA, but I still have to limit his gaming time). Plus by totally banning it, does he somehow magically become capable of playing it overnight when he turns 18? How are you going to limit it then?

[imwithspud]

i have even told DH he's not allowed it because i don't want it in the house!

That's ridiculous and controlling. It's one thing not letting a child play certain games, but he's a grown man ffs.

OP I would suggest doing some research by watching videos on Youtube, reading articles and reviews and possibly playing them a bit yourself to get an idea of the content. I agree, having played through GTA numerous times myself, I wouldn't let a 13 year old play it, but I would possibly consider letting a 16yo play it, possibly..

[Keeptrudging]

How would his older brother feel about you changing the rules when he had to wait until he was 16? It would be the fair thing to do to have the same rules for both.

[MetalMidget]

"I don't think Call of Duty warrants an 18 to be honest, its not any different to the HALO games which are usually a 16."

That's because of the rating system - games that feature violence against humans will always get a higher rating than ones that have the same level of violence but against aliens/monsters/robots, etc. My brother took this approach with his eldest too - he was allowed to play Gears of War at 13 (with the gore and swearing disabled in the settings), but wasn't allowed to play CoD or GTA until he was years older.