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towards my grandad?

(8 Posts)
beanabonce Wed 17-Feb-16 08:53:30

I feel like I am but its hard.
We lost my nan to cancer just over a month ago. I love my nan to bits and we'd natter over the phone weekly and I got to see her in hospital a few times before she died. But I can't bring myself to visit my grumps now my nan isn't there too, and he despises phone calls and doesn't have a mobile. Very blunt (always has been) aibu or should I just suck it up and try to visit? We're not a family that sits around crying or hugging so I don't want him to think its a pity visit.
Thanks for reading

gasman Wed 17-Feb-16 09:00:52

Of course you should go to see him.

He must be missing her terribly and will be interpreting the lack of visits as a lack of care.

If the distance is an issue my elderly relatives love postcards - my sibs and I all use touch note (but there are others) it is an app which turns photos from your smartphone into a printed, delivered by post postcard.

sofaleopard Wed 17-Feb-16 09:07:24

I'm sorry for your loss, sounds like you really miss your nan.

But (apologies if this sounds harsh) it's not all about you. Just imagine how much your grumps must miss her. And now he probably feels like he's lost you too.

He might not be the easiest person to chat to, but I do think you need to make the effort. Take him a bunch of daffs, plaster on a smile, and talk to him about your nan - you must have a lot of memories to share

Vandree Wed 17-Feb-16 09:14:19

Go, the thoughts of going is much worse than actually doing. When my nana died my Granddad brought out all their old photos and told us the story behind each one. I learned so much about my nana that I had no idea about. It was lovely and while not fun actually it was therapeutic. It made it much easier to be able to talk about my nan after that and my granddad loved being able to talk about their life together. Our oldest dd has red hair and we had always maintained it came from dh's side of the family although our doctor always said genetically it had to be on both sides of the family. We had asked the family if they could remember any red heads as we were all blonde and were told no. Turns out my nana had red hair that she had been dying for 80 years and no one knew but my granddad and her sister who lived in Wales! Sorry totally pointless story but I always think of it when I think of my nana and the shock we all had that day, it was very funny in hindsight

Pseudo341 Wed 17-Feb-16 09:17:39

He's just lost his wife poor man. He'll have had your nan for company up until now, he'll be very lonely without her so may appreciate your attention more. The postcards idea is lovely, I'd definitely try that. You may find you develop a better relationship with him now than you've had before, he needs you more now than he ever has.

tinyterrors Wed 17-Feb-16 09:19:55

You should go. He'll be feeling very lonely without her there.

I know how you feel and it is hard. Since my mum died I've found it very hard to go to my parents house. I always expect her to be sitting there when I walk in and it's always a shock that she isn't. I'd only just got used to my nan not being there anymore when my mum died.

It's hard but every time gets a little bit easier.

beanabonce Wed 17-Feb-16 09:29:44

I know, I think I just need my backside kicking slightly. Distance isn't an issue I think I've built it up in my head. I think I'll get him his favourite whiskey and post it to him with a card saying sorry I've been a shite grand daughter then go over.
Its bloody hard though even his home number is named nan (she insisted I save it as that because grumps never wants to answer the phone)
Thanks though

hereiamagain22 Wed 17-Feb-16 10:17:47

Whatever you have lost, he has lost a million times more. You are being very selfish and me me me. For gods sake go and see him.

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