Firstly I do suspect that some aspects I am being unreasonable with however my emotions are everywhere and I'm just lost as to how to feel.
My sister sadly passed away a couple of days ago. She was mid twenties and had been battling for over a year with terminal illness. I am a couple of years younger than her with a small baby. My mum raised us alone for around half of our lives until she met my dad. (Stepfather but we call him DF) as you can imagine we were very close.
She was engaged to her partner of a couple years before diagnosis but they quickly married after they found out. My sister had a very difficult relationship with her in-laws and were incredibly dismissive of her condition after she was diagnosed. For the first couple of months they did lots of fancy OTT things but then suddenly they dropped her and they stopped bothering to see her or even contact to see how she was. His mother didn't approve of them marrying either as she didn't understand why he was marrying someone who was dying.
My entire family, mother, father, brother (step brother) sister in law and myself cared for my sister. And my partner works 7 days a week to ensure I could stop work early to spend more time with my sister and also that I haven't had to go and find work after my DC was born so I could spend time with her again. Her husband has not cared for her he went to work every single day, we even offered to support them so he could have time with her and he said he would take time off 'when the time was right' I would like to add that my sister worked up until around 3 months before she passed away.
She had been in the hospice numerous times in the last couple of months and not once did any of his family members text her to check in or call to see how she was doing. It was only in the last 3 weeks before she passed his mother suddenly began to turn up, send flowers etc. When caring for my sister her husband told me that his mother was coming over and my sister told me she didn't want her there but she still came, and then made my sister in law subsequently leave as there was 'too many people there' even though he know my sister adored my sister in law and despised his mother. My sister was also a very proud and private person and did not like people seeing at her weakest. She always wore her wig around certain people, would wear clothes instead of PJ's, and it angered me that he let his mother come around when she was very drugged up and in no fit state for people and let his mother see her like that.
When she passed, my entire family was there, minus my partner as he was at home with DC.
We all got to say goodbye we all had moments alone with her and my mother washed and dressed her after. The next day her husband took his parents up as well as trying to bring his sister to see her. It angered me. These people did not bother with her when she was here, they were mean and insulting and how dare they see her so weak and vulnerable like that when I know she would have hated it. It hurts me to know that they could have touched her hand, and I can't explain but it doesn't feel right knowing they are the last ones to see her? I bit my tongue as I didn't want to argue or upset him.
we are currently arranging service plans and he keeps making decisions that are hurting me. He has now decided that during the service he wants his sister mentioned as a sister to Marie. She wasn't her sister she was mine. I cared for her I washed her, I did those things for her. I don't want to share her. This girl abandoned my sister in her time of need, why should she be mentioned?!
We also agreed on the ashes and now he has decided to keep some of hers. He also has talked about her life insurance money and how he is planning to buy a house soon. It just feels so wrong and I want to scream at him and the world.
Thank you to all still reading. I suspect I am being unreasonable but I just want to scream right now.
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47 replies
3sugarsplease · 17/02/2016 06:32
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MidniteScribbler ·
17/02/2016 06:43
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phequer ·
17/02/2016 07:16
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phequer ·
17/02/2016 07:17
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