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For feeling a bit put out by friend' comment?

(51 Posts)
kansasmum Tue 16-Feb-16 19:06:35

I am ( I like to think!) a young Granny! My Dd is 22 and has a 8 month old Ds. Dd and her dh work hard and are saving to get a deposit for a house ( this will take a few years as neither are huge earners). Dd goes back to work this month a and I am providing ( free) childcare 2 and a half days a week.
I'm really looking forward to this and look forward to having a lovely relationship with my little grandson. Obviously there will be bumps in the road, I'm not naive!! I also have a 9 yr old Ds so I've done the baby thing fairly recently.
Anyway a friend ( who I consider a really close friend) said today " you must be nuts! You'll have no social life, it'll be like being a new mum again ( hardly!) and you'll be stuck going to all those hideous baby groups! I run a toddler group 2 mornings a week and friend knows this!! So that's a bit cheeky!
I don't feel it's social death to look after dgs a couple of days a week! Is that what people think of grannies who provide childcare?
AIBU to feel put out by her words?

Littlefluffyclouds81 Tue 16-Feb-16 19:09:33

Ignore her! Either you're a keen granny or you're not, and you are, which is lovely. I wish my dm was as keen to help out as you are.

GreatFuckability Tue 16-Feb-16 19:10:36

The thing is, we all perceive stuff differently. You sound like you are really looking forward to it and like small kids if you run toddler groups. She sounds like to her it's her worst nightmare. Just different people. Try not to take it personally. And have fun with your GC!

kansasmum Tue 16-Feb-16 19:11:17

Thank you! I am trying hard not to be overbearing! I adore my grandson so feel lucky to be able to help.

Sighing Tue 16-Feb-16 19:11:17

It's a strange comment. With a 9 year old you already have to work your social life around a child and doing some childcare isn't like being a parent, you have structured time; the option of saying "not today" when really tricky life juggling comes up ..... Ahmm kind of look for her would result. You have a 9 yearold so you're still looking after a non independent child!

WorraLiberty Tue 16-Feb-16 19:11:49

AIBU to feel put out by her words?

Yes, a bit.

Why not just shrug and pay no attention?

FindoGask Tue 16-Feb-16 19:13:54

I think YABU, a bit. It might not be what she would want but surely she doesn't have to think the same as you about everything? Hopefully your friendship can accommodate different perspectives on stuff. And of course it's not 'social death' to want to hang out with your close family regularly.

VerySlovenly Tue 16-Feb-16 19:15:50

You sound as though you are going into this with your eyes open - ignore the stupid comments! You're not going to be looking after the baby 24/7.....
Good for you helping out flowers

Isthereeverarightime1 Tue 16-Feb-16 19:18:55

Ignore the comments my mum has my ds for me and has a much busier social life than I do lol, she also has an amazing bond with my son because of it!

kansasmum Tue 16-Feb-16 19:24:46

Isthereever that's reassuring! I think I was just surprised by the strength of her feeling that it's 'social death'!! Like why would anyone want to look after a baby if they didn't have to!

But yes I probably just need to shrug it off and ignore it. Each to their own!

SalemSaberhagen Tue 16-Feb-16 19:26:52

My DM has DD twice a week whilst I work. Consequently they have the most brilliant relationship, it's lovely to witness. You'll have a grand time!

TrinityForce Tue 16-Feb-16 19:29:45


JolseBaby Tue 16-Feb-16 19:35:43

I was going to say jealousy as well. Why is she so bothered?

Congratulations on becoming a granny - enjoy the time with your DGS!

228agreenend Tue 16-Feb-16 19:44:34

A lot of grandparents look after their grandchildren, for several days a week. You will not be alone, and you are obviously looking forward to it. Enjoy!

kansasmum Tue 16-Feb-16 19:45:52

Actually you could be right about jealousy- never even crossed my mind! She like me has older children as well as similar aged child to my Ds. Her Dd is in LTR but no signs of marriage etc and I think friend would like her Dd to get married. My Dd was very young to get married admittedly but very solid r/ship with her dh.
My Ds is a miracle baby as Dd was told babies were highly unlikely without IVF due to scarring from previous major surgery. So I consider myself VERY lucky to look after him and this probably contributes to my feeling put out by my friend's comment actually.

bakeoffcake Tue 16-Feb-16 19:48:25

I think that's quite a nasty thing to say.

Yes we are all different but she knows you run a toddler group and she knows you're looking forward to looking after your grandson so she should have kept her mouth shut.

Maybe she doesn't have a great relationship with her children and wishes she had?

ovenchips Tue 16-Feb-16 19:48:48

I thought of it as your friend expressing her very personal view on doing it and framing it as you, as you are going to be the one doing it. If that makes sense?!

She obviously wouldn't want to do it, hypothetically. You obviously do want to do it, in reality. (It sounds like a rather lovely arrangement IMO, not that it matters!).

I'm assuming your friend does not have grandchildren of her own? So she is not 'there'. Bit like before you have children, I think. You think I don't want to disrupt my lovely life. Then you have a child and you turn your life upside down happily.

Maybe remind her of this conversation if she turns into a doting granny too?smile

bakeoffcake Tue 16-Feb-16 19:49:36

Sorry X posted.

Yes it might well be jealousy.

bornwithaplasticspoon Tue 16-Feb-16 19:50:16

You sound like a lovely mum. 2.5 days will be a nice balance for you, lots of fun but full nights sleep!

MissFlight Tue 16-Feb-16 19:52:23

It's really none of her business, just ignore her.

kansasmum Tue 16-Feb-16 19:56:30

Bornwithplasticspoon- yes the joys of being granny - no sleepless nights!!
I remember being the first among my friends to have a baby and we were " social pariahs" to some! Then they had babies and suddenly everything revolved around them and THEIR baby!! Dh and I laughed at the time!
Seems same thing applies when you become a granny before some of your friends!!

MummaB123 Tue 16-Feb-16 20:00:26

YANBU to be put out, in my opinion. I hate it when 'friends' try to belittle you. However, I don't think this should make you feel bad about what you are doing. I think it's great! Everyone has their own opinions, I just don't get why some people feel the need to voice them when it's inappropriate.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 16-Feb-16 20:02:48

YANBU jealous about your grandson perhaps but the dig about "hideous baby groups" was unnecessary.

DustOffYourHighestHopes Tue 16-Feb-16 20:26:13

4.5 days off a week, evenings and nights to yourself - hardly social death!

Although you should organise what is going to happen when you want to have holidays. Or when you're ill.

Damselindestress Tue 16-Feb-16 20:34:37

I would be put out by her dig about "hideous baby groups" when she knows you run one! That sounds personal whereas the rest could just be her projecting about how she wouldn't want to do regular childcare.

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