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What would you do?

(10 Posts)
tiggerkid Tue 16-Feb-16 13:13:20

It's that time again: half-term is upon us. Time for kids to visit each other's houses and for parents to think about what to do with them. My son is nearly 14 now, and I remember it used to be much easier to entertain him when he was younger as we could just suggest things and he would generally go along with them. Now that he turned into a grumpy teen, it's no longer so simple because I feel like he doesn't really want to do anything apart from being glued to his gaming console and phone.

Yesterday he was invited to his friend's house. They spent the entire day there playing their games and at the end of the day, the friend's mum took them out to the cinema. I suggested to my son that we should reciprocate, invite his friend back and organise something to do. My son doesn't seem to be that bothered about the whole reciprocation thing and seems happy to play with his friend online. I explained to him that it's not very nice to go to people's houses and not to invite them back. He said he will think about it but I am kind of certain that he won't because he said that sort of thing before and never did anything about it despite my repeated requests. I obviously cannot force his friends on him and don't really know what to do.

When he does have his friends around, he never wants to go anywhere and they just end up playing games all day. This makes me feel like a terrible mother whose son gets taken out to do things and who never organises anything when other people's children come around.

What do you do with teenage kids and how do you deal with friends' visits? Thanks for any ideas.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Tue 16-Feb-16 13:18:09

He sounds like a pretty average teen to me, you've made the suggestion so now it is time to back off and let him decide what to do.

Scholes34 Tue 16-Feb-16 13:26:57

Yep. Sounds par for the course to me. Teens don't necessarily have to be grumpy, though.

acasualobserver Tue 16-Feb-16 13:27:13

Give him some money and tell him to take his pal out for a burger?

Katedotness1963 Tue 16-Feb-16 13:31:12

Sounds like my 14 year old, except he's not grumpy.

Liberated71 Tue 16-Feb-16 13:37:47

Be thankful he has friends to share time with. My two teenagers only seem to have friends in the virtual world!

Scholes34 Tue 16-Feb-16 13:44:04

My teenagers play on-line with friends, so they don't have people round in the same way as even DD did four or five years ago. More people can play games on line if they're all in their own front rooms, than if they were all in yours.

WilLiAmHerschel Tue 16-Feb-16 13:45:54

At that age surely it's up to the children to organise their own social life? If he out stays his welcome at his friends and they get pissed off that will be his problem to deal with.

BackforGood Tue 16-Feb-16 14:05:41

Stay out of it.
Sounds very normal to me.
Some dc naturally say 'come round to mine' and other dc naturally 'go round to theirs' it doesn't have to be a 'turn taking' thing at 14 - it's not like the parents is having to "mind" them.

We've had friends of ds that used to come round and have their tea here once or twice a week at that age, and I was glad to see them - never crossed my mind we ought to "take turns", as, for whatever reason(s) it worked out that he liked being here for that year of his life. A year or two later, ds used to go round to another mate's Nan and Grandad's house every week and him and mate and Grandad would sit and watch the PRemiership match that was on Sky each week... couldn't reciprocate as we don't have Sky, and Grandad was housebound, but liked a bit of company to watch the match with.
Let them be - it all comes out in the wash over time.

scarlets Tue 16-Feb-16 16:18:39

I agree with the pp who pointed out that they're not being "minded" any more so reciprocation doesn't really matter. Unless you all live rurally, they can make their own plans and meet up/go out if they want to. All you can do it make it clear that friends are welcome, as you have done. Maybe treat them to a takeaway next time this friend is there?

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