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to think it isn't normal for 8 yo to have awful separation anxiety?

(17 Posts)
SashaFierce99 Mon 15-Feb-16 00:20:45

DD is 8. She will wait outside the bathroom if I'm using the toilet and will follow me up/downstairs. She's fine with school but never wants to be left other than that.

Yesterday afternoon I wanted to pop to the shop to get supplies for a surprise valentine's breakfast for the dc. She was happily playing with her sister but started panicking when she saw me gathering bags to leave. Within minutes she was in tears saying she didn't want me to leave her/that she wanted to come. I explained it'd spoil the surprise and I'd only be 20 mins . She kept crying and sulking demanding to know why DP couldn't go and in the end I said if she makes this much fuss over me leaving to do something nice for her then perhaps I should take more time away to do something nice for myself for once to get her more used to it.

She doesn't care where her dad is or what he does; I feel suffocated. Aibu to think it's not normal to be unable to leave your 8 yo without hysterics?

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep Mon 15-Feb-16 00:32:42

8/9 year olds are at the stage about worrying about people dying. mine would not let me go down to the bins on my own.

reassurance helped and rolling with it. bins can wait.

perhaps she panicked because you did not tell her you were leaving but she found out by accident? mine worried about me going out when they were in bed. (only down to the bin, not out out and I never have gone down at night either.)

do the think the way you reacted would make her worry more that you would leave her on her own? even if that is with dad

how is her dad with her?

may be it is not normal, but this is the child you have got and you need to build up to going out more and giving her the reassurance it will be ok.

maybe she just needs to be told to get over it and stop making a fuss. different children need different solutions.

SashaFierce99 Mon 15-Feb-16 00:36:03

She's always been this way. I told her where I was going but she started fretting immediately.

Slutbucket Mon 15-Feb-16 00:47:50

I don't think this is that rare tbh. You say she's always been like this? Did something happen when she was younger that could have a reason why she is not secured attached? I'm thinking illness, pnd etc. is your partner her father? (Sorry to ask)

JuxtapositionRecords Mon 15-Feb-16 07:32:15

I was going to say exactly the same as blackeyedshepherds with the dying thing. I remember at that age thinking and worrying all the time about my parents dying. My mum still reminds me how I would constantly ask 'you're not going to die are you?'.

Can you talk to her and ask her why she doesn't like you leaving? It may be something like this and she will open up and tell you.

ShowMeTheWonder Mon 15-Feb-16 07:45:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flashbangandgone Mon 15-Feb-16 08:03:41

I had bad separation anxiety at 8.... Remembering being inconsolable the first night of a school trip.... Hated having babysitters too.

Shannaratiger Mon 15-Feb-16 08:08:18

My ds9 is the same. Coincides with general stress and anxiety over everything though. Seeing school nurse to think of ways to help him. Can put on here any suggestions when I get them.

boredofusername Mon 15-Feb-16 08:18:30

I think I was the same as well.

AnUtterIdiot Mon 15-Feb-16 08:20:57

I remember being frightened that my parents would die, but Dad always went out and quite unpredictably (self employed) whereas Mum was usually at home and usually took me with her when she went out. I can't specifically remember a scene like the one you describe but it doesn't seem unlikely.

dontrunwithscissors Mon 15-Feb-16 08:27:48

I'm sorry you're dealing with this OP, but also glad to see I'm not alone. DD1 is almost 9 and wants to be with me all the time. She gets very upset if I get dressed on a morning without her.

DH became a SAHD a few months ago. I've been wondering if she misses me more because she's aware I'm not at home (whereas before she was at out of school club and distracted.)

She's also a very sensitive child. Unfortunately, I don't have any answers.

Brokenbiscuit Mon 15-Feb-16 08:40:53

My 10yo dd doesn't get upset if I go out without her, but I do sometimes tease her about the fact that she follows me around the house - if I go upstairs, she goes upstairs, if I go downstairs, she goes downstairs. Just like when she was a toddler! And if there is an option to come with me when I'm going out, no matter how boring the destination, she will invariably take it.grin

I think it's quite sweet tbh, and I know that it won't last. When she is a teenager, she'll probably be going in the opposite direction! But if she feels more secure at this age by staying close to her mum, I don't have a problem with that.

It's instinctive for most small animals to stay close to their mothers. They're just doing what comes naturally. They will not be clinging to us forever!

Plateofcrumbs Mon 15-Feb-16 08:58:37

I remember my mum used to leave me in the car sometimes whilst she went to run an errand - I have very clear memories of being really anxious waiting on the car thinking she wasn't going to come back. Not sure why my mum thought this was a good idea really. confused

BillBrysonsBeard Mon 15-Feb-16 09:17:44

I was a bit like this, I wouldn't let my mum go on trips away. (So I guess not as extreme as going to the shops because my mum would work and I was fine. I did wait for her on the front garden wall though blush) But it stopped when I was about 10. I feel bad now but I couldn't help how I felt, I thought she was never coming back. She had done nothing to make me feel like that, we had a very secure family! I think it will pass for your daughter too.

Quoteunquote Mon 15-Feb-16 09:29:32

Have you had a very gentle private chat with her and asked her if she knows why she is anxious about not being next to you?

Make sure she knows you will always listen if she tells you anything, keep reitterating this, she will build up confidence.

SashaFierce99 Mon 15-Feb-16 23:37:07

I remember the death anxiety too, I used to say a prayer every time I heard sirens that it wasn't an ambulance for my dad hmm She isn't worried about death though, age says, she just only likes me, apparently!

I don't mind too much as I know before too long she won't want me as much but I do hate seeing her upset if I do have to be without her.

Stillunexpected Mon 15-Feb-16 23:49:15

Do you ever get to do things on your own? I would find that very suffocating.

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