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Stuck between sister and niece

(56 Posts)
cocochanel21 Sun 14-Feb-16 18:49:01

My older sister and I have always been close. We had our DDS a year apart at the time I was a young single mum and she was settled and married. She looked after my dd so I could work and helped me a lot over the year's. She couldn't have anymore dcs and her dd is her life and if I'm honest her dd is spoilt and treated like a princesss. Over the year's she has had many fights with our siblings 're her dd as she seems to have a total blind spot where her DDS concerned.
Dn is now 22 with 2dcs she recently split with her partner.My sis and bil set her up in a flat and have the dcs every weekend to let Dn go out which is fine as they are happy to do this.
I recently had DD2 and my Dn has been spending alot of time at my house she brings her 2dcs over and I do enjoy spending time with her although she is definitely a pampered princess thanks to her parent's.
She told me recently that she'd had taken a loan out for Christmas presents for her dcs and was having trouble paying it back.I'm now in a position fincanally where I could help her and was happy to do so,turns out she hadn't made any payments on the loan I paid it off in full and asked at the time if she had anymore debts which she said no she asked me not to tell her mum which I agreed and forgot all about it.
My sis came to my house on Fri and while here she let slip that poor dd had taken out a loan at Christmas and was having trouble paying it so she has been paying X amount into her account every week and she having to cut back in order to do this without her Dh finding out.
I contacted Dn when my sis left on Fri and asked how many loans she had which she replied just the one I had paid off when I questioned her as to why her mum was paying into her acc every week she got flustered and told me she's call me back. I know she is lying to us both. Today i received a text from her saying you promised you wouldn't tell my mum about the loan I'm really upset you would do that.

So do I leave it I know my sis will make out her dd got confused and its all a misunderstanding. My sis has really been here for me this last year and I don't want to fall out with her and it isn't about the money i was happy to be able to help her. I just hate the thought I've been taken for a mug.

LalaLyra Sun 14-Feb-16 18:54:37

So your niece has had the load paid off by you, but also her her Mum making the weekly payments for her? Cheeky madam!

Also why is she texting you saying she's upset when you didn't tell her Mum - her Mum mentioned the loan to you. No wonder she didn't want you mentioning it to her mum though! So rude.

I'd tell your sister. You know she's going to take your DN's side, but it gives you the chance to openly tell your DN that she's been incredibly rude and about how used/insulted you feel that she'd use you like that.

Then never help her out again.

MakeItRain Sun 14-Feb-16 18:55:45

So your sister is giving her money that she can't afford for a loan that you've paid off? Sorry, I realise it will cause a storm but I wouldn't be able to keep quiet about this. I'd tell my sister immediately.

SolsburyHell Sun 14-Feb-16 18:56:46

God that's tough. My instinct is that you should tell your sister and let them fight it out between them. However, in all reality, they would reconcile but both remain angry at you-your sister for not telling, your dn for telling about the loan repayment. I speak from the experience of having a different secret to divulge or not.

I would have it out with dn, make her speak to her mum at either tell her herself or at least stop her mum putting money into her account.

glenthebattleostrich Sun 14-Feb-16 18:58:59

Can you not say to your sister that you've decided to pay off the loan to help them both out? Perhaps say it's a thank you for her help over the years?

hedgehogsdontbite Sun 14-Feb-16 18:59:51

I'd tell my sister too, and never bail out my niece again.

WicksEnd Sun 14-Feb-16 18:59:57

Tell your sister. No doubt about it. What a devious young woman your dn is shock

Oldraver Sun 14-Feb-16 19:03:58

I think you need to tell the niece that you didnt tell your sister and that she needs to sort this. Someone needs to get tough with her

IceRoadDucker Sun 14-Feb-16 19:07:10

It sounds like you'll lose your sister, at least temporarily, if you tell her. I still think you have a duty to do it. One day, perhaps, all the little things will add up and she'll be forced to admit what her daughter is like and stop making sacrifices for her.

toastedbeagle Sun 14-Feb-16 19:08:31

Your DN is obtaining money by deception! It's not like you both made one payment at the same time, her poor mum is giving her money for a debt that doesn't exist! She mighty be happy to gift this money to her DD, but I think the decent thing would be to let her make her own decision!

0hCrepe Sun 14-Feb-16 19:09:22

text your dn and say you didn't tell her mum, she told you, but actually you will have to tell her now for obvious reasons. Then tell your sister in as nice a way as possible.

yorkshapudding Sun 14-Feb-16 19:11:21

I think you have to tell your sister. It's either that or let your DN carry on fleecing her, which will be extremely uncomfortable for you to watch (especially as she's already confided to you that she's struggling financially) and would be devestating for your relationship with your Sister if the truth came out and she realised you'd kept it from her. I would tell your DN that she has put you in an impossible postion and that you have no choice but to talk to her Mum. She may well be upset with you but only because she's been found out, she should have thought about the potential consequences when she made the decision to decieve her own family for financial gain.

DorothyBastard Sun 14-Feb-16 19:17:41

I would speak to your DN and tell her that she needs to tell her mum or you will. (Also, have you got a 22 year gap between your DDs? Wow! smile)

PennyDropt Sun 14-Feb-16 19:18:12

No! I would say that as Dsis is so embroiled in Dn's life that she is paying off her debts it is not for you to tell her that she is being fleeced.

Just let it go. The debt is for Xmas so shouldn't be too huge. Let Dsis pay then don't help DN out again. If DN is perfect princess then you will be held to blame not her.

hollyisalovelyname Sun 14-Feb-16 19:21:19

Your DN sounds like a right madam.
What appallingly selfish behaviour.
Let her know you didn't tell her mum. That her mum brought it up and is really struggling financially and she should be ashamed of herself.
Then tell your dsis.
If your sister finds out ( without you telling her) that you have already paid the loan back she may think you condone her (awful) daughters behavior, sucking money from some one who can ill afford it.
What a narciistic, selfish self entitled young woman your dn is.
To do that to her loving mum.
You reap what you sow.

WitchWay Sun 14-Feb-16 19:26:18

It's not acceptable that your DS feels she has to hide it from her DH either sad

I think you have to tell her - DN's duplicity would negate the previous "promise not to tell" for me.

Cleensheetsandbedding Sun 14-Feb-16 19:29:48

Tell your sister.

All bets were off when you discovered she was basically stealing off her.

What an unpleasant woman your Dn is

lilydaisyrose Sun 14-Feb-16 19:36:28

Is it possible there were two (or more?) loans?

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 14-Feb-16 19:42:22

If she has lied to obtain money she is committing a criminal offence.

Would you cover for her if she told you she was going to steal from anybody else?

I was wondering the same Lily perhaps there are multiple loans and she hasn't had the guts to tell you the truth?

honeysucklejasmine Sun 14-Feb-16 19:45:49

I would definitely be telling your sister. What a cheeky mare your niece is!

ClaraBorne Sun 14-Feb-16 19:55:44

Your sister has got to see the the daughter she raised, by the sound of it - entitled and pampered and now deceitful and the 'poor me victim'.

I would tell all.

Quietwhenreading Sun 14-Feb-16 20:01:09

Personally I'd tell your sister and her husband.

Btw your niece has no right to get stroppy about confidentiality when she is fraudulently exploiting her mother.

cocochanel21 Sun 14-Feb-16 20:02:48

I've texted her and told her I didn't tell her mum but she needs to tell her the loan has now been paid and I don't care if she doesn't tell her I paid it.
Her reply
My mum is not stupid she knows I don't have £1000 you shouldn't give money and hold it against me!!!

Oh God I'm going to have to tell my sister.

buckingfrolicks Sun 14-Feb-16 20:03:23

Your DN is 22 - I would talk to her, not your Dsis. I'd explain how what she was doing was unfair, selfish and greedy and that if she wants your support in the future she needs to tell her mum now, that the loan has been paid off completely and that her mum doesn't need to pay any more towards it. I'd also tell her that she is to take her mum out as a way of saying 'thank you' to her kind mother.

And then I'd tell her that she's to grow up and sort herself out. I would not tell my Dsis

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