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To not respond to text from mother re: death of aunt

(14 Posts)
KensingtonLou Sun 14-Feb-16 10:41:38

I've been minimal contact with mother for over 2 years now and completely NC for about 18 months. She has two sisters, one of whom is a similar age to her and to whom I am close (aunt 1), the other is much older than her and has been in ill health for years (aunt 2), my mother was never close to her, barely saw her and so a result I was pretty much the same. I received a text from my mother today telling me aunt 2 has died. Which is sad. But I don't want to respond to the message with any condolences because I don't feel particularly sad for my mother. I don't really feel anything towards her. I don't want to go to the funeral because my mother will be there and I don't want to see her. Which I feel conflicted about because... I don't know sad. Probably because I don't want aunt 1 to think I'm selfish although she has been really understanding about the situation in the past. I'm rambling now. Has anyone been in this situation?

Dragonsdaughter Sun 14-Feb-16 10:43:28

Text your aunt condolences x

BackInTheRealWorld Sun 14-Feb-16 10:43:49

Thanks for letting me know is plenty.

miwelaisjacydo Sun 14-Feb-16 10:45:17

I would text on this occasion just to say thanks for letting me know and leave it at that. You do t have to feel sad or offer condolences.

bumbleymummy Sun 14-Feb-16 10:48:05

Agree with others. A text saying thanks for letting me know to your mum and condolences to your other aunt.

LuluJakey1 Sun 14-Feb-16 11:04:11

I would ignore your mother- any text may encourage her. Contact your aunt.

eatyouwithaspoon Sun 14-Feb-16 11:07:43

I personly wouldnt text condolences, I would either ring your aunt or send a card I'm old text your mum and say thanks for letting me know and leave it at that

Fairenuff Sun 14-Feb-16 11:10:34

If you are nc then don't reply. Phone your aunt or send a card. You don't have to go to the funeral and your reasons why are no-one else's business.

bumbleymummy Sun 14-Feb-16 11:23:41

True. Phoning your aunt would be better.

SuburbanRhonda Sun 14-Feb-16 11:34:21

Why does she have your mobile number if you're NC?

cozietoesie Sun 14-Feb-16 11:40:58

I've had the same mobile number for many many years - way in excess of the two years that the OP has been LC with her mother and certainly in excess of the 18 months of NC. Maybe the OP is the same?

Viviennemary Sun 14-Feb-16 11:47:20

I agree with text saying 'thanks for letting me know. You could add 'that is sad news for the family. You don't need to give condolences to your Mum. I don't think it's a good idea not to respond to the text.

shinynewusername Sun 14-Feb-16 11:49:54

If you don't respond, your mother may be genuinely unsure if you have got the message. I would either reply with, "thanks for letting me know" or contact aunt 1 ASAP, give condolences, and ask her to tell your mother that you know.

KensingtonLou Sun 14-Feb-16 12:16:50

Thanks for all the responses. Can be v hard to know what to do when the people all around you don't "get" why you're NC in the first place. Although DP is very supportive. As much as I don't want to, I think it's best to thank her for letting me know and leave it at that. And speak to my aunt a bit later. Thanks again xx

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