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Spa break fear!

(19 Posts)
Middleoftheroad Sun 14-Feb-16 09:31:05

A close family member is having a spa break for her 40th birthday. I have a fear of such breaks due to the fact that I do not feel comfortable in a costume and that being short and unable to wear my beloved heels just makes me look worse. I hate revealing my body. Many of the other women going, including the birthday girl, also happen to be skinny and close to six foot! They (also family) often wear bikinis on holiday etc and wouldn't get my anxiety. Now it seems partners are going (i thougt it was a girly break) and the group is growing. The thought of being in a costume in front of all thoe people I know terrifies me! I would rather complete strangers see me. I once cancelled a hen for the same reasons. I also find spas expensive and boring, but I could cope with that, it's just the prospect of people I know seeing me without my props of clothes and heels - I have a terrible overhang which I conceal behind clothes in the day.My wardrobe is carefully constructed as body confidence below zero. I want to explain, but it would sound like I'm just being awkward, and I know she really wants me there. Don't know what to do.

FannyFifer Sun 14-Feb-16 09:34:20

I feel similar to you & wouldn't go, just say you can't make it.

Muskateersmummy Sun 14-Feb-16 09:35:29

Shop around for a nice decent swimsuit and a sarong. If you have your partner with you would that make you feel more comfortable? If so enlist his help to keep you covered and feeling secure.

I would also say that even the slimmest of women feel self conscious in bathing suits. I am now a size 8 and still get worried about putting on a bathing suit. These are your friends, you are all there to celebrate a birthday, go, drink a nice glass of bubbly to steady the nerves and try to enjoy. Once the initial putting on and coming out is done, you can relax .... Or be like me and hide in the hot tub all day ! Covering myself in a dressing count as soon as I have to come out of it! grin

gBean Sun 14-Feb-16 09:38:39

You don't have to go. I personally loathe a spa day. Shuffling around in someone else's dressing gown and wallowing around in water full of other people's hair and dead skin - ugh.

My mates went recently. I met them afterwards for afternoon tea and it was fine.

watchingthedetectives Sun 14-Feb-16 09:39:37

Any of the places I have been there are robes and slippers provided so you get changed into swimwear and then wander round in your robe. Any of the massage/facial type treatments are in private rooms and the only ones where you may have your treatment in view are pedicure/manicure type ones.
I don't particularly like the sauna/steam room so don't go in there so no necessity to remove your robe if you don't want to.
I would ring the Spa on the quiet and find out how it works there but I wouldn't worry - you don't have to flounce around in a bikini all day!

IamTheWhoreofBabylon Sun 14-Feb-16 09:40:01

I love spa days
You will be in a dressing gown whilst moving around
Most spa rooms have dim lights so you often can't see much at all

mincepieprivateeye Sun 14-Feb-16 09:44:44

Could you come up with an excuse, work commitment or something? If you do choose to go remember that when your wandering around the spa you'll be wearing a robe and slippers which no one looks elegant in! I've only been to one spa which is near where I live and the lighting in the changing rooms and saunas etc is very subdued. Maybe try looking for a nice control swimming costume and try to relax a little while there. I'm sure your family won't be looking at your body the same as you, they want you there for your company. smile

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser Sun 14-Feb-16 09:50:10

You don't have to go if you really don't want to, but would you regret missing out after the event? I completely understand the bikini fear, but it seems a terrible shame to let your body confidence hold you back from doing things you might enjoy. Is there any chance you might be able to hunt down a costume that suits you and you feel ok in? And as thewhoreofBabylon says, most spas seem to have dim/flattering lights.

Middleoftheroad Sun 14-Feb-16 09:59:28

Even my swimming costume is skirted and ruched around the stomach with concealed panelling etc. but once wet, the costume clings to my pouch and there's nowhere to hide. It's so dispropirtionate to the rest of my body that I always think others will be really shocked by what I'm packing under my clothes!!! I suppose I could hide in a robe all day, but it seems a waste. I wonder if it sounds rude if I still stay at the hotel and meet them afterwards? The good news is they do want to go out on the evening, for drinks/meal (much more me). wink

Tangfastics Sun 14-Feb-16 10:01:53

They will not be looking at you and judging. They are your family and friends.

Muskateersmummy Sun 14-Feb-16 10:20:48

There are quiet rooms at most spas, dim lighting, and magazines. You could make the most of those, a bit of time to properly relax. You stay covered there. If you can afford it book yourself a treatment, only you and the beautician will see you there and they are very good at protecting your dignity. I think you could make it very relaxing without needing to get wet!

watchingthedetectives Sun 14-Feb-16 10:22:57

Some treatments say you cant use the hot tub or sauna afterwards so just book one of those and then lie around in your robe

Gatehouse77 Sun 14-Feb-16 10:33:39

I would politely decline or opt to go for outdoor walks and read a book in a communal area, fully clothed.
I have done it a couple of times with my sister but she's the only one I'd ever consider going with. It has cropped up a couple of times with friends and I've just said no thanks, not my idea of relaxing, hope you have fun!

specialsubject Sun 14-Feb-16 11:58:06

politely decline. Not because anyone will be staring, but because you don't like the concept.

trapped indoors, sharing bathwater, air full of stinky fake flower smells - yep, entirely with you on that.

say 'no thanks, not for me, can we meet for a drink/meal/walk another time?'

ForalltheSaints Sun 14-Feb-16 12:35:21

If it was in Germany or the Netherlands you would be naked in the sauna and steamroom. No-one would bat an eyelid.

Though if it is a problem for you (which is sad), politely decline.

shutupandshop Sun 14-Feb-16 12:42:03

I wouldn't go either, just make an excuse

JoMackl Sun 14-Feb-16 18:31:55

Why should you make yourself uncomfortable/ miserable? Go along for drinks and a meal afterwards to be sociable/ show willing. You'll be much better company for them if you're doing something you enjoy rather than something you hate and resent.

thebiscuitindustry Sun 14-Feb-16 19:09:50

I don't think anyone will take much notice of other people's appearance, more likely everyone will be thinking/worrying about what they look like themselves!

I'd probably buy a nice cover-up, pretty flip-flops and waterproof mascara. Also take the towel to the poolside so you can cover up as soon as you get out.

Silvercatowner Sun 14-Feb-16 19:15:53

Good grief no - bubbly water and other people's bodily fluids.... no, yug. Just don't go.

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