Right then. First AIBU. Yikes.
DH left home at 15 after falling out with parent. Kept in touch as adult but rarely. Like maybe visiting for a couple of hours every few years
Been married for 7yrs. When we first married we travelled to see his family, they're in a close by country, not too big a deal to get there, just a few hours. They were nice enough, not much in common but no problems. I often prodded DH to make an effort, but he was clearly not motivated so in time I left it, got busy with life, couldn't be asked if he didn't care, didn't feel he wanted a full on relationship etc. we went across to see them 3 times for a few hour long visits during the last 7 years.
In the meantime we had kids - his family started sending gifts on Christmas and birthdays but DH is lax about acknowledging, never gets in touch, if I nag for a month or two maybe he'll call. He refuses to reciprocate, says he will when he sees them, but obviously we don't really see them so...he's a basically a knob. And it's embarrassing to me but I haven't been able to change it and I view it as his call.
Meanwhile I had a really bad couple of years recently, lost some close friends and relations one after the other, including a young family in a tragic accident while I was in late stages of difficult pregnancy and it all really effected me. Bad timing but DH family at this point decided to send me a snippy messages about my lack of effort etc. and I know IWBU but I snapped a bit. Not at them, just internally...as to why does it fall to me? Truthfully I barely know any of them. No matter how I try I can't force DH to suddenly develop a different attitude towards visiting or keeping in touch etc. We've been having problems ourselves (he's emotionally useles, who'd have guessed?) and tbh I'm sick of all the emotional labour falling to me.
Part of me feels awful that I never made more of an effort and now am defensive after having been called out on it and no longer would even want to. And ( I guess the defensive )part of me says fuck it, why the fuck should I? If their own flesh and blood is a twat, then why do I have to step in? I'm barely coping with my own shit in life.
AIBU to refuse to shoulder the emotional labour for a relationship with in laws I hardly know that doesn't seem to exist for DH? Or am I as big a twat as DH and need to suck it up (wo)man up and shoulder the burden of being a friendly in law even though I don't feel like one?
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AIBU?
to not be a good in-law though I have nice in laws...?
50 replies
InWithTheOutlaws · 14/02/2016 02:29
OP posts:
AndSoWeBeatOn ·
14/02/2016 02:43
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LindyHemming ·
14/02/2016 08:32
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