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To ask what you would do if a lover behaved like this?

(16 Posts)
Absentmindedwoman Sat 13-Feb-16 22:46:12

Met someone before Christmas, they live in a different country. We agreed to see each other when our paths crossed, and were talking a lot over the last few months until last week when they have started being a bit cool towards me. I'm slightly hurt and feel sort of what I felt was genuinely a friend with benefits (good sex, and had some great conversations and laughs so thought the friends thing was pretty cool) situation. But totally understand they've probably met someone closer to home or something, so they aren't bothered.

I don't want to angst over it, or waste energy, so am cutting my losses and not bothering with this person anymore. However, my friend thinks I'm being a bit harsh and should have a chat with them when they can squeeze me in - I think fuck that.

What do you all think?

Absentmindedwoman Sat 13-Feb-16 22:47:30

Waits for AIBU to carve me up for unreasonableness...

1fedupmama Sat 13-Feb-16 22:56:27

I'm with u on this one. If they don't seem to be bothering with u then u shouldn't bother with them either. & if they ask why then u explain but until then (if that even happens) u shouldn't have to explain or crawl for someone's attention.

TooOldForGlitter Sat 13-Feb-16 23:01:37

You said it yourself, don't waste time or energy fretting about this. You had some fun, it's come to an end. Time to move on and find someone else to have some fun with! Don't waste time and headspace trying to fit in with the demands and/or wants of a fuck buddy. I'd wonder if you're friend is a "any man is better than no man" type.

Propolis Sat 13-Feb-16 23:39:28

Move on, find someone who appreciates you. Don't bother with people who make you feel bad

WhoaCadburys Sat 13-Feb-16 23:48:57

I think fuck that too.

RudeElf Sat 13-Feb-16 23:52:27

Yep. I'd leave it now. You dont need to be fretting over whether a FWB is going to call/text or still likes you etc. Thats teen stuff. Mentally end it and move on.

Absentmindedwoman Sun 14-Feb-16 00:04:39

Ok! So it seems I'm not totally unreasonable after all grin

Dammit, I am a little sad though. A nice ongoing FWB would have been good.

caroldecker Sun 14-Feb-16 00:31:22

If you like the FWB scenario ask them what the issue is - no loss if he says no, gain if he ays yes

goddessofsmallthings Sun 14-Feb-16 00:44:15

"Talking a lot over the past few months" sounds more like an infatuation than a FWB scenario and, given the distance, it's not surprising that it fizzled out for one of you.

Chalk it up to experience, but leave the door open in case their new closer to home affair also ends in similar damp squib fashion.

The good thing about FWB relationships is that they can be put down and taken up again whenever its mutually convenient to do so. Some of mine are a bit like old shoes; I may get attracted to glamorous new ones but they're not always as comfortable as those that have stood the test of time. smile

thebiscuitindustry Sun 14-Feb-16 00:44:22

Move on.

BaronessBomburst Sun 14-Feb-16 00:49:34

You said they've started being cool with you from last week.
Maybe they're having a bad week and being off with everyone?
I wouldn't write them off just yet!

Absentmindedwoman Sun 14-Feb-16 11:23:19


Nope, definitely not an infatuation. Rather somebody I felt comfortable with chatting to, and as mentioned above, had plenty of great conversations with. I mention this to stress that it wasn't just fucking, it felt like actual friendship with the addition of sex.

However - maybe FWB isn't for me in general, because I'm finding this a bit exasperating.

Bluelilies Sun 14-Feb-16 11:26:57

If you're finding yourself stressing about them being cool with you and wondering when they'll call, then a would say a FWB isn't for you.

Better move on and leave yourself the head space to fall for someone who's into having a relationship with you

Absentmindedwoman Sun 14-Feb-16 11:31:35

That's what I'm thinking! Or at least - not with this particular person. Which surprises me, I've had some lovely ones in the past.

JessieMcJessie Sun 14-Feb-16 11:38:33

What's with all this "they" stuff? MN is not a homophobic place.

The thing I'm finding a bit confusing is how a FWB works when it's long distance. To me a huge part was always about convenience of meeting up for a chat and some sex. If it's also a LDR then a lot more effort is being put in than a FWB setup would merit. I think you're right, FWB isn't really for you. It's not a great solution for most people, tbh, though it does plug gaps when you need a bit of human comfort but it's really hard not to get carried away.

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