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AIBU?

Am I a mug?

115 replies

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/02/2016 18:00

My friend asked last week if I could watch her toddler for a day last week and over this weekend.
She and her dh are working and their regular childcare (gm) is unavailable this week. I agreed, and it's absolutely no problem for me to look after her.
It did mean that on the weekday I lost my weekly 2.5hr freetime (when dd goes to to pre school). My dh works away 3 weeks at a time so it's the only time I get to go for a long run without taking the buggy. I didn't mind as I was helping her out, and it's a one off.
Her dh works shifts, so on that day I had their dd I saw him run past me when I was on the school run. I was a bit surprised as I didn't reaslise at the time that his shifts are basically an hour, 3 times a day. So 3 hours work in total. He goes home and does what he wants in between.
I felt mildly annoyed when I found this out as I'd basically given up my only freetime so he could go for a run!
I've had her all day today too. I have 2 of my own children so having a 3rd wasn't a big deal and we had a nice day out. Her mum picked her up and was annoyed as she'd just found out that her dh has pulled a sicky today, he's not sick. He happily dropped his child off with me this morning, and when I made small talk about his day he gave me the impression he was working. Now, it didn't bother me much as their dd just slotted in to our day today.
But tomorrow is different. I have their dd all day again. I'm giving up my chance to go for a run with the buggy but also I'm doing a 3 hour journey to my sister's once friend's child has been collected. I'm having to leave at tea time, when I'd rather leave earlier.
I'm tempted to text friend now and say that I can no longer look after her child. I know it's not her fault but afterall, if her dh can pull a sickie today for no reason, then why not tomorrow? I feel like I'm being spiteful though, but also feel a bit of a mug! Would IBU to do this?

OP posts:

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GabiSolis · 13/02/2016 18:05

YANBU, I would definitely cancel on tomorrow in those circumstances. Some people really do take the fucking piss don't they?

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/02/2016 18:10

Yeah, he is taking the piss isn't he?
My friend is genuinely working, and was really needing the help, and as I say, I didn't mind. Her dd is lovely.
She was annoyed too anout him pulling a sicky.

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Creampastry · 13/02/2016 18:10

You should cancel, they are taking the mickey.

thebiscuitindustry · 13/02/2016 18:11

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy at being lied to and used in that way.

GabiSolis · 13/02/2016 18:12

I think you have an opportunity to teach them a lesson tomorrow and I would grab it with both hands. People like this need a shock to the system to make them realise their behaviour is unacceptable.

Pseudo341 · 13/02/2016 18:13

I think you'd be perfectly justified in cancelling in the circumstances. Personally I'm too much of a wuss so I'd do the childcare tomorrow, but never again.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/02/2016 18:13

I just feel bad on her. He lied to her too about his plans for the day. He basically had free childcare to go do what he wants!

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ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/02/2016 18:15

See pseudo this is what I'm like, and if I didn't have to do a 3 hour journey with 2 small children tomorrow evening then I'd just suck it up and do it. But then never again!

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Inertia · 13/02/2016 18:15

I'd have cancelled after he took the piss the first time.

whifflesqueak · 13/02/2016 18:16

what kind of job involves working for 3 non-consecutive hours a day?

but yes they're extracting the micheal and I'd be properly peeved.

Lj8893 · 13/02/2016 18:18

Cancel definitely!

BlueJug · 13/02/2016 18:18

I wouldn't cancel now at short notice as t leaves them in the shit. Friend will then have to have row with her DH to get him to go sick or whatever. Not really nice for her when she thought she had sorted it. I'd be talking to her and saying that you wouldn't be doing it again though.

Pseudo341 · 13/02/2016 18:19

Well at least you know you're not alone! I think everyone else is probably right and you should cancel, I just know I wouldn't actually have the guts to do it. Little Miss Avoid Confrontation At All Costs here!

Allalonenow · 13/02/2016 18:20

Get on the phone now and tell them that you won't be having their child tomorrow or ever again
What a cheek to take advantage of you like that!

Lindy2 · 13/02/2016 18:21

Yes, you are being taken advantage of. I think her husband thinks he's on to a great deal. 3 hours of work but all day free childcare!
Send her a text saying that you have had to change your plans and will be driving up to your sister's during the day tomorrow. You won't be able to look after her daughter but as her husband is taking time off work hopefully he will be fine to look after his daughter.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/02/2016 18:22

That's what I keep thinking bluejug but at the same time, if he can pull a sickie today for no reason, then he can pull one tomorrow?
It just feels spiteful of me, as if he was fenuinely working fulltime tomorrow then I wouldn't have an issue and just get on with driving at tea time.

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MyKingdomForBrie · 13/02/2016 18:26

Well it's him taking the piss not her, so I'd wait and see if he's pulling a sicky today before ditching, but I definitely wouldn't do it again and I would tell them why.

Today to be fair I don't see how he could have had the child, even though he was only there three hours as they were non-consecutive he'd have to be picking up/dropping off three times in one day..

Floggingmolly · 13/02/2016 18:30

So you were looking after his dd (and so unable to go for a run) and he jogged past you; having pretended to be at work?
You are a complete mug if you still went ahead with the plan of having her for the whole weekend. Get a backbone and stop letting these people piss all over you!

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/02/2016 18:31

mykingdom he only works down the road. I didn't mind having their dd. Afterall, I had accepted to do it. But they knew that it was my only weekly freetime, and knew that he would be working between those times (I dodn't know this) so it would have been polite for him to say that he'll take her for afternoon and them drop her off on way back to his shift.

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BlueJug · 13/02/2016 18:32

I think it all comes down to your friendship. The husband is taking the piss - no doubt - but if your friend is struggling it doesn't help her.

If my friend had a twat of a husband I would be supporting her. If on the other hand she wasn't a great friend - just a nice woman who had kids the same age type of friend and she and her husband were a team - then I'd pull out of the arrangement and let them work it out for themselves.

I say this as someone who could never rely on my DP. This would have been the sort of thing he would do. the drive though. (Compromise/ ask if her DH can pick up the child early as you have a long journey?)

You sound like a really nice friend and shouldn't be taken advantage of.

thebiscuitindustry · 13/02/2016 18:33

I'd text something like:

"Hi friend, I was happy to help with looking after (name) when you asked, as I thought you were both working all day. However, I saw your DH out jogging, and also now know that for most of the day he wasn't working. As you know, your DH also pretended to be working today so I was looking after your DD while he took a "sickie". I'm sure you will understand why I no longer feel I can help tomorrow. Best wishes, Shamefulplacemarker"

Then it's up to your friend to sort it out with her DH.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/02/2016 18:33

I know flogging! He has 2 other jobs, which are seasonal, and fuller days so I just assumed that that was he was doing this weekend. I didn't want to pry in to their exact working schedule, but I wish I had now!

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BlueJug · 13/02/2016 18:34

Sorry - "I don't envy you the drive though" - should have said. Hate this laptop!

LalaLyra · 13/02/2016 18:36

I wouldn't cancel tomorrow, but I would tell her that you are really pissed off with her husband. The only reason I wouldn't cancel tomorrow is that I bet her husband wouldn't be the one taking the day off - it'd be her. He sounds like a right piss-taker.

toffeeboffin · 13/02/2016 18:39

YANBU.

Friends are taking the serious piss.

Basically they value their time over yours.

I'd tell her so too.

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