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that families and presents are a nightmare!

(8 Posts)
bostonkremekrazy Sat 13-Feb-16 16:48:18

I am one of a group of siblings....its complex but sis is 'the boss', got married first, had kids first (3), and is closest to our mother both in location and relationship.
the others had children, then I had 4 children in a few years. So sis has older teenage children while I have a baby.

we have spent many years buying nice pressies for birthday & xmas. easter eggs etc. Sis tells me what her kids want - and the last few years this has been £ to go shopping with their friends. The last few years xmas gifts to us have got smaller in value as our number of children have increased, but as our children have not noticed we have not said anything and sent thank you notes etc

sis has now said they don't want to buy christmas gift and easter eggs any more. i feel a bit yuk about it....we've been buying for their kids for 17 years - it feels unfair. I said how would you have felt when yours were little but she didnt answer....i also said if it's financial then its no problem at all, but she said it wasn't at all, they just think its a bit pointless buying for each other any more.

AIBU?

Passthecake30 Sat 13-Feb-16 16:51:53

yanbu, I'd be suggesting stopping presents after each childs 18th/21st, make a big deal of getting that milestone birthday present for hers!

BettyBi0 Sat 13-Feb-16 16:53:32

No YANBU! I'd be really annoyed too after spending on her kids for years.

I'm trying to convince myself that gifts are gifts, not transactions as we have a similar imbalance in my family.

RudeElf Sat 13-Feb-16 16:55:19

She's being a tight arse! She's realised hers are getting too old for presents from aunties and knows she'll be stuck buying for yours for the next 17 or so years whilst hers get 'nothing' in return.

Muskateersmummy Sat 13-Feb-16 16:58:14

Honestly I do think you are being a bit U. You didn't buy those gifts to gain credit for the gifts you should then get in return. Yes it's a bit mean on their behalf but the money you now won't be spending on their children you could now put towards your own.

We have 1 dd, we had her later than both our siblings had their many children, but I'm not unhappy about the fact that I spend more on gifts for their children then they will on my child. We all make our own choices on timings of starting our families etc.

The only thing that would upset me is if the children who will now be missing out on a present are old enough to notice they haven't had a gift from auntie x, are old enough to understand why, and won't be upset. If they are then passthecake's suggestion is good

thebiscuitindustry Sat 13-Feb-16 17:52:50

YANBU. I think stopping at 18 would be fair as Passthecake says.

MatildaTheCat Sat 13-Feb-16 18:14:38

Its tricky. I was the first to have DC in my family and friends and we did receive lots of generous gifts. Since then all of my and all of dh's siblings have DC and we have a total of 17 nieces and nephews. That's a lot of present buying and there are the DC of close friends as well. I have become very tired of all the gift buying for birthdays and Christmas especially since some of the DC in our families are extremely over indulged and have very likely not much interest in my gifts and certainly never thank me.

We do have a policy of stopping at 18, thank god. I would have loved to call time on this year's ago but as the starter felt unable to do so. I think your dsis is being quite brave but I do understand your resentment.

Let it go, the DC won't notice, it doesn't matter.

SparklesandBangs Sat 13-Feb-16 18:48:18

I have the older DC in our family late teens, where the youngest is 1. Everyone got a present this year as DC1 is still a dependent. I fully expect that presents will stop for them in the next few years but I will be buying for my nephews and nieces for another 20 years. I can't imagine suggesting we stop, especially as my DC have received generous presents and from the elder relatives who are sadly slowly reducing in number.

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