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To give up on nursery and early years education...

(32 Posts)
SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Sat 13-Feb-16 09:46:31

(Worth noting, there is no other provision I can get her two around the school run, even if they did have spaces. I've REALLY looked. This place or at home, she's been there since September)

For these reasons:

-feedback is always simply in relation to development matters, e.g. quote such as 'can use media...' rather than day to day she's happy/ can make friends/ talks/ joins in... the stuff I actually care about. I ask but the whole set up is not condusive to chat, hard to collar staff who are all busy in roles. Ofsted is good, all the boxes are there, but there's not a real care I feel

-on full days I get back a disturbed rather than an eaten packed lunch (they know she eats no breakfast usually refusing it) without a comment. That's until 3pm with only snacks. But I found out she doesn't often agree to snacks either, only told as questioned, I presumed that the kind of thing I'd be told. She'd cry on the way home hungry and tired (when mentioned it's do yout need a referral to a dietician...see below)

-dd is behind, I know, the feedback is only ever 'do you need a referral to...', well fine but with MASSIVE waiting lists I'd like to actually discuss here/ now and have a way forward/ work together. If they looked they'd see I told them many referrals had already been made prior to starting!

-she's got very little speech, but is apparently 'happy' there. Yet she sobs when taken and I've NEVER heard her utter a word when I'm there. One day over a term in I was told 'she's made a friend now!'... so noone bothered to tell me before she didn't interact (she does a bit elsewhere so I didn't think to ask).

I don't feel like trying to work through it anymore, it's not compulsory and I'm confident I can provide all the opportunities through playgroup/ local places/ friends etc. I want an honest normal discussion on how she is, just the day to day is she happy and care. It feels like the children are just jugs to be filled with 'opportunities'/ 'skills' from a tick box but even if that child doesn't fit they just plow on the same nowadays. E.g. it's not a measurable outcome that she doesn't know the name of a single child r adult after 5 months

Yet it seems to be a big thing that I'm not going to access early years funding and I'm not therefore going to meet needs hmm

(I guess I'm ranting)

CigarsofthePharoahs Sat 13-Feb-16 09:55:18

I held off sending my eldest to preschool till he was nearly 4. He has a December birthday, so he was there a year in total.
If I'd sent him from the moment he was entitled to his 15 hours, it would have been a disaster. At just 3 he wasn't ready for it, his social skills were not there. I made sure he spent time at parent and baby groups and with children his age and older until he was ready. Several people thought I was actually being cruel holding off for a bit, but as you said, it's not compulsory!
I have to admit, in your situation I would seriously consider pulling her out, if you're happy you can provide well at home. Are there any other support services locally eg SALT drop in clinics?

BarbarianMum Sat 13-Feb-16 09:58:54

Ok well that sounds really rubbish and if you can't turn it around I can see why you'd want to give up on it. Would it be worth scheduling a frank meeting with the SENCO and manager and going over the points you bring up above? At our preschool you'd be having regular meetings with the SENCO and your child's keyworker and a plan of how your child would be supported in accessing the curriculum with targets would have been agreed, so on the face of it what you're (not) being offered sounds a bit crap to me. Our preschool also offers a number of interventions around speech, language and behaviour for children who need a bit extra. Is there nothing like that?

AMouseLivedinaWindMill Sat 13-Feb-16 10:00:26

Hi op, not sure what your point is.

you have a bad nusery....yes move her on that alone.

but that doesnt mean they are all like that.

Yet it seems to be a big thing that I'm not going to access early years funding and I'm not therefore going to meet needs

what does this mean ^ confused a big thing to who? You? Or a big thing in society> I am finding your op confusing.

the long and short is, they dont need nursery so early and YES plenty of parents, get by with toddler groups, play grounds and soft play where dc run round together, meeting up with friends dc etc. so no shortage of other small dc to play with out there.

either move her to somewhere better or yes, keep her at home!

AMouseLivedinaWindMill Sat 13-Feb-16 10:01:41

Would it be worth scheduling a frank meeting with the SENCO and manager and going over the points you bring up above?

I think there is enough evididence in that op to suggest its past all that, its the staff at fault and you cant change their work ethic or personalities...they are entrenched.

liz70 Sat 13-Feb-16 10:08:59

DD3, who's six now, didn't go to preschool playgroup until she was four and a half, just for the last six months before starting primary. She was at home with me, going to park and soft play at weekends. The six months at playgroup were enough to introduce her to a semi structured environment - sitting quietly with other children for story time, group activities etc. - before she started school. She's doing fine, no harm done.

summerainbow Sat 13-Feb-16 10:10:38

Surely you have been to gp as your daughter is behind with her speech. Get her all the lists. The fact that she is not eating is big deal either get eating different stuff or get her to Dr again.

AGrandUsername Sat 13-Feb-16 10:14:51

I've tried with the senco, even giving her reports on dd and saying 'do you think she's moved on since this? is she the same here?' next day asked again, hadn't read 'put in file', second day the same, third time asked say 'keyworker agreed' but she still hadn't read...then she'd come to her 2 yr review meeting (done at 3.2) but didn't.

I think they do a SALT group...but are back to front for dd. Firstly they put her with just two yr olds then question her on stuff she knows. If you start off something like 'DD, I like your top...I have xxx on my top' she may well start to talk with a bit of conversatin. If you loom over her 'what's on your top? Whose this? say hello!' she's mute all day wide eyed. Her social use of language is much further behind, I don't think she even gets why she should answer if she knows something such as a colour or shape name.

amouse... I ask because dd is involved with a number of professionals and it's brought up and it's hurts emotionally a bit to be told/ be looked at like you're a feckless parent I guess. Also nursery's reaction was again a little upsetting. I'm not superwoman, I can feel a bit upset inside and moan on here...

AGrandUsername Sat 13-Feb-16 10:16:01

See above summer, a number of people see dd and it's nothing new. They knew before she started and I seek help when needed. However waiting lists are huge.

Kitsandkids Sat 13-Feb-16 10:20:22

I used to teach a nursery class and I always thought that some children needed it (those whose parents would never provide any of the play opportunities we could, never saw a book etc) and some didn't. We once had a little boy start just after he was 3 and, although he did stop crying after a few days, he did spend a lot of the time asking 'is it mummy time yet?' and I never felt he was really enjoying himself. It would have been better, in my opinion, for his mum to take him out and try again in 6 months or so. Or just wait until Reception.

Another little boy trailed round after me all the time, and was happy with adult led activities, but I never saw him utter a word to another child. He was brought and collected by his lovely grandma, and I always thought he would have a much more positive 'nursery education' at home with her.

My mum started teaching in the sixties, when in most areas there were no nurseries and so children started school at 4 or 5 having just been at home with an adult before that. She said most were just as ready, and some much more ready, than those she saw later in her career that had been to nurseries.

I would take her out. She's not happy and you're not happy, so why continue?

AGrandUsername Sat 13-Feb-16 10:21:59

Thank you, I think I just needed a little bit of reassurance to counter the the comments

AntiquityReRises Sat 13-Feb-16 10:24:25

No nursery is better than a bad nursery. My ds has ASD and his first nursery were just rubbish, I didn't know how rubbish until I was pointed towards his current one which is fabulous and on the ball and has someone sitting next to him at lunch time to keep him on track with eating and behaviour and much else.

After bad nursery I was just going to take him to toddler groups and various Sure Start/Children's Centre groups which were better geared up for children with additional needs. New nursery is actually in half the building which is how I found out about it.

When I told bad nursery I was removing ds I was told off because they'd extended the hours of a dinner lady due to him and now she would have to tell her she couldn't have those hours shock (I did tell her my child was my concern not her staff) I honestly believe if they're not already doing stuff then you're going to be banging your head against a brick wall.

JellyTotCat Sat 13-Feb-16 10:27:13

Op hasn't said all nurseries are like that, she has said there's no other provision she could move her to.
Yes I think you should take her out as they don't sound good or caring.

BarbarianMum Sat 13-Feb-16 10:28:37

In that case I'd not hesitate to pull her out, they sound worse than useless.

MattDillonsPants Sat 13-Feb-16 10:29:19

How old is she? Take her out, life's too short.

AGrandUsername Sat 13-Feb-16 10:30:35

Yes, Jelly. I'm happy to say ds had a wonderful time at another nursery and I couldn't thank them enough. Sadly I can't get dd in their as ofsted agreed how good they are and they are full.

museumum Sat 13-Feb-16 10:38:19

I'm assuming you don't work and don't need childcare?
If so then sure, take her out. Why not? Your post seems to read like somebody would argue that you shouldn't.

Staff are not going to suggest removing her to you. Obviously. And in fact suggesting to a working mum that their specific child might be better at home would be really NOT the right thing to do!

There's something weird in your first sentence but are you saying your daughter is two? If so, is the nursery properly set up for two year olds? It sounds like somewhere more suited to older 3&4yr olds.

museumum Sat 13-Feb-16 10:41:44

Agrandusername - are you the soap name changed? Or somebody else with same/similar issues?

StitchesInTime Sat 13-Feb-16 10:41:49

It doesn't sound like a good nursery for your DD.
She doesn't sound happy or settled there, and the communication with, and attitude of the staff doesn't sound good either.

I think I'd take her out and focus on taking her to toddler groups etc instead. I would think that would meet her needs more than a bad nursery would.

museumum Sat 13-Feb-16 10:42:02

Op not soap! Sorry.

Fairenuff Sat 13-Feb-16 10:48:35


SuperFlyHigh Sat 13-Feb-16 10:50:31

Definitely take her out! I went to playgroup and a one o'clock club and Busy Bee club.

I cried when being left at playgroup but this was because my parents were divorcing and dad had left or was leaving so I had abandonment issues.

The only thing your DD needs really is playgroup etc... Opportunities to meet other children and socialise. You can teach her what she needs to learn at home my own mum taught me reading and writing before I went to school aged about 4-5. Same with art etc.

It honestly doesn't sound like best environment for her and with not very good staff etc and I'd go as far to say it's probably hindering her progress rather than advancing it.

Gobbolino6 Sat 13-Feb-16 10:54:14

It sounds like a pretty awful nursery.

Flingingmelon Sat 13-Feb-16 10:54:35

Sounds like you have a bad nursery. The one I send DS too is nothing like that!

I'm sorry the offer is so rubbish near you and I completely understand why you'd want to pull her.


Jessbow Sat 13-Feb-16 11:09:19

Just a side point- Packed lunch.
in most nurseries lunch I provided. I wonder if he would eat more if she had the same as everyone else if there was provision for nursery lunch?

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