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AIBU to take DC away from their father?

(21 Posts)
Emmie321 Sat 13-Feb-16 03:20:20

Changed my username.

I'll try and make this short, but I don't want to drip feed.

XH moved out last year (he had been cheating)...

DC (DS (9) and DD (7)) go to his house every other weekend.

He doesn't work and has decided to get in a new relationship (whatever, it's his life). However, this new woman is vile.

DS was playing on the Wii (the only thing the kids do there) and she went over to DS and grabbed his collar and pulled him back, she then took the controller and told XH to play with her, so he did, without saying anything.

DS began to cry (I do admit he is a sensitive little boy) and she then told him to 'shut up'.

I spoke to XH about this and his pathetic comment was "well, she's my new girl and if they don't like it, I'll give them something that they don't like" and held up a first and laughed.

I assumed it was a joke and told him to stop messing around as we are having a conversation about our children and his reply "I wasn't joking you stupid bitch" and I left with the DC.

I have no idea what to do

Lilylonglegs Sat 13-Feb-16 03:23:35

They both sound deranged. Perhaps next time you talk to him bring it up and record it on your phone and mention exactly what you mentioned here and see what he says. At least you will have proof of you have to stop contact. Has he always been this vile?

Emmie321 Sat 13-Feb-16 03:27:31

Indeed, well, there was one time he was okay, until he 'got bored of me' and moved on

CatchAPlaneToBarcelona Sat 13-Feb-16 04:10:13

He sounds utterly revolting. Why did you have children with him? I can't believe he was previously a paragon of virtue and has now suddenly turned into a feckless jobless arsehole?

I would say it's too soon for him to be introducing your children to new partners personally.

I don't usually advocate not allowing access to a child's father but he doesn't sound like a huge loss.

IamtheDevilsAvocado Sat 13-Feb-16 04:13:33

Can cafcas/social services advise?

I would have thought you have a very strong case for stopping contaxt. Contact should be child centred... He and his new girlfriend obviously are not.

Emmie321 Sat 13-Feb-16 04:18:34

He was fine for a few years (when we had the kids)

We aren't under SS, but I think I'll have to contact them

MyFriendsCallMeOh Sat 13-Feb-16 04:29:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyFriendsCallMeOh Sat 13-Feb-16 04:30:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emmie321 Sat 13-Feb-16 04:31:33


bb888 Sat 13-Feb-16 04:43:32

He sounds horrible. If he is willing to say things like that to you what is he like when you aren't there? Why is he is allowing his gf to assault your child?

BastardGoDarkly Sat 13-Feb-16 04:48:04

No way, did he say that in front of the DC?

Was he alright with them before he got with his new gf?

Emmie321 Sat 13-Feb-16 04:49:44

He didn't say it in front of the DC, thankfully and it seems to me that he cares more about her now... Over his DC! sad

Yeah, he was alright with them, just a bit snappy (never had much patience)

BastardGoDarkly Sat 13-Feb-16 04:53:23

I'd maybe stipulate then, that after that incident, you're not happy for her to be there when he has the children.

What do you think he'd say?

Ilovenannyplum Sat 13-Feb-16 05:36:42

YANBU, he sounds like a twat

Don't send then to him, you keep them with you and enjoy spending time with them. He'll realise eventually what he's missed out on

HeddaGarbled Sat 13-Feb-16 09:18:39

You need to write all this down with the date it happened plus any other incidents you know about or that happen in future. Include any verbal threats of violence or abusive remarks made to the children as well as actual incidents.

Then if you decide not to let them stay at his and he threatens to take you to court, which is usually the way these situations go, you will have your evidence of why you made the decision.

If the children are not deemed to be safe in his care, he would probably be expected to see them under supervision for a while until he has proved he can be trusted again. This could be under your supervision, with another relative or through a contact centre.

Where are you with the divorce process? Contact arrangements for the children will be formalised during this process and you could raise his and his girlfriend's behaviour towards the children in front of the mediator.

OhYouLuckyDuck Sat 13-Feb-16 11:33:41

Bloody hell, asking the OP why she had children with him! It's not like she is responsible for the twat's pathetic behaviour. Only on Mumsnet!

LollyLauren Sat 13-Feb-16 21:24:18

YANBU, he doesn't deserve them, but it won't be as easy as that sad

Good luck to you and your DC smile

Figgygal Sat 13-Feb-16 21:27:02

Christ hold old are they? Sound nasty as F!!
Could you Withhold access?

maybebabybee Sat 13-Feb-16 21:29:06

Why the fuck do some posters think it's remotely helpful to say "why did you have children with him"

I suppose OP should go find herself a time machine, right?

LollyLauren Sat 13-Feb-16 21:40:02

If she wouldn't have had kids with him, she wouldn't have her 2 DC, so I think she's glad that she did!

SweetCheeks99 Sun 14-Feb-16 00:10:39

I would find that incident to be alarming, it would put me off letting the children visit too.

do the children want to see him? or are they reluctant? if they are not keen that would ring alarm bells with me, too.

I think Hedda's advice is very good.

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