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DH - is he a tosser or me ?

(40 Posts)
TheChimpParadox Fri 12-Feb-16 22:41:17

DH - Tosser

Ok - so me and DH have been out tonight for a meal - couple bottles of wine. Result is we are now at home having had a disagreement and sleeping in separate rooms.

The issue being that he is constantly criticising my input with supporting the children's education. Let me explain. ...

When the children were toddlers I took a career break ( never went back to that career) because of the of working part time and DH working long hours and abroad at short notice. I was a SAHM with two young children whilst DH worked ( plus went out drinking / socialising with no regard of responsibility at home ).

One child had health problems which resulted in back and fore to hospital and therapists which I organised and attended appointments. I was always around for school picks up drop offs , school holidays , illness , you name it I picked up the pieces when DH was working etc. Did the usual helping reading etc at school etc

I also during this time did some voluntarily work and did evening classes to retrain in a more family friendly job ( I e term time working) and when children at school found employment which worked around school hours and term time.

Role on 10 yrs or so. Both children at secondary school , I am now in full time work with quite a responsible role ( due to my previous career and then subsequent voluntarily roles) . DH semi retired and works from home which means he had now taken over the role as main career and has main oversight of what the children are up to.

Re the children's education , with one approaching GCSE , I take responsibility for certain subjects and DH others. Whilst I was a SAHM I always got the children into the habit of doing homework straight away when they got home so the later part of the evening they could relax. This continue to this day even though I am not at home when they get home from school .

I have been criticised tonight by DH by having no interest and putting no input into the children's education. I got somewhat pissed off by this ( constant) criticism and tried to explain that I work full time and that he is at home and that 10 yrs ago the tables were turned. I got quite pissed off with him and said ( righty or wrongly) that I was obviously a crap mother despite being around in the children's early years.

At that point he walks out of the restaurant leaving me sit like a complete idiot !

We are now at home in separate rooms .

Need to rant , feel like DH is a complete tosser .. I may be ... I don't know

TwatMagnet Fri 12-Feb-16 22:43:47

Nope. He's a tosser. A tosser who can rewrite history to suit himself. A tosser who puts you down and leaves you sitting embarrassed in a restaurant after making a public twat of himself.
Do you see a future full of this shit?

Oldraver Fri 12-Feb-16 22:45:27

Have you told him all that you put in your post or is he focusing on the now ? I think he is wrong to criticise when he has taken little interest in the past even if he was working

TheChimpParadox Fri 12-Feb-16 22:48:48

I get told that I always focus on the past ! WTF ! So basically I can't bring anything up that has happened previously. Unfortunately I don't have a crystal ball !

I am really pissed off and angry tonight.

Oldraver Fri 12-Feb-16 23:14:09

Well I suppose it suits him to forget about all the donkey work you did for years

Euphemia Fri 12-Feb-16 23:14:43

He's a wanker. I couldn't stand that.

Eggsandketchup Fri 12-Feb-16 23:16:51

He's a total fuckwit. He'd better be apologetic in the morning!

ilovesooty Fri 12-Feb-16 23:18:25

I'd expect him to apologise for walking out of the restaurant but you might be able to have a more productive discussion tomorrow.

LordBrightside Fri 12-Feb-16 23:22:07

Sounds like a complete prick. Walking out of a restaurant? And obsessing over YOUR input into your children's education?

Tell him he needs to shape up or fuck off.

Babymamamama Fri 12-Feb-16 23:26:20

You deserve a big apology from him. Hopefully he realises once he's slept on it. Otherwise tell him he will have to go back to work so you can cut your hours to focus on your kids' education.

Duckdeamon Fri 12-Feb-16 23:26:21

He was being V unreasonable.

ConkersDontScareSpiders Fri 12-Feb-16 23:28:08

Walked out of the restaurant? That in itself says 'tosser' to me.
His saying you focus on the past too much is basically his way of shutting down the argument because thats the crux of your point of view surely? That you did the hard yards Childcare and education wise for the first 10 odd years and now the roles are reversed and it's his turn. Perhaps he isn't happy with that and that's a different conversation I guess, but it would make me livid if someone disregarded what I had done for 10 years whilst they were out building a presumably enjoyable career.

Vintage45 Fri 12-Feb-16 23:30:19

Two bottles of wine sometimes brings out the worst in both parties and a minor disagreement turns into a huge one.

Post again in the morning grin

GloGirl Fri 12-Feb-16 23:32:43

Yes I wondered of this was just a ridiculous booze filled argument and you'll feel better when sober.

Are there any more underlying stresses or strains?

GarlicBake Fri 12-Feb-16 23:41:34

I got somewhat pissed off by this ( constant) criticism

Constant all the time, or this evening for some reason?

I'm somewhat concerned that you might have been living with continuous undermining, in which case you deserve stratospheric admiration for all you have achieved in spite of it.

Stomping out of a restaurant is usually reserved for the termination of a relationship - just in case you needed a value reset on that front. Is he a regular stomper-outer?

NanaNina Fri 12-Feb-16 23:41:45

I too wondered if this was booze related - a bottle of wine each is fairly heavy going.

GruntledOne Fri 12-Feb-16 23:43:42

Wow, if I'd drunk a full bottle of wine I wouldn't be able to speak, let alone carry on an argument.

bakeoffcake Fri 12-Feb-16 23:46:49

You say you have to put up with "constant criticism" so it's obviously not a one off.

You did everything "educational" for 10 years, now it's his turn and he doesn't like it.hmm

He's a tosser and a nasty one at that.

Vintage45 Fri 12-Feb-16 23:49:25

We don't know that he's a tosser Bakeoff, he is tonight but he might say the same thing about her so, let's wait and see if the OP comes back to the thread in the morning to elaborate.

bakeoffcake Sat 13-Feb-16 00:06:09

Vintage the OP asked in her Opening Post if he was a tosser.

I was just answering her questiongrin

UnderCrackers5 Sat 13-Feb-16 00:06:40

He didn't constantly criticise you ten tears ago, did he?
So he doesn't have a problem with what you do ?

Sounds to me like you are feeling guilty and therefore imagining that one comment has become 'constant criticism'

WahhHelpMe Sat 13-Feb-16 00:14:31

Seems like you wanted more input from him when he was full time and you PT, the roles have reversed and he said perhaps what you were thinking of then and didn't like it.

Seems like both of you believe when you are in PT work the FT partner doesn't pull their weight in regards to childcare.

Vintage45 Sat 13-Feb-16 00:17:53

Im sort of pragmatic in these issues when things have become huge with drink so don't really back up name calling Bakeoff.

Canyouforgiveher Sat 13-Feb-16 00:21:26

Two bottles of wine sometimes brings out the worst in both parties and a minor disagreement turns into a huge one.

This. but storming out of a restaurant and leaving me there would be a huge thing for me.

your children are in secondary so how much input does he really have into education anyway?

it is in primary that the "lets do that reading/I'll hear your tables/I have cotton wool you can use for the project/yes I can make you a costume of King Arthur" happens. by secondary they just need someone there to help if stuck and give them dinner and listen while they tell you what happened with their friends that day.

I think your dh wants to re-write history to minimise your contributions. Why would he want to be that mean?

bakeoffcake Sat 13-Feb-16 00:27:19

Vintage, he's been called a fuckwit, a wanker a prick and a tosser on this thread. And the OP did ask.

I'm not sure why your picking up my "name calling"

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