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AIBU to think the teacher is in the wrong?

(265 Posts)
Walshie123 Fri 12-Feb-16 12:59:46

DS is 12 (in Yr 7)

He rarely asks to go to the toilet.

He was in an Art lesson (he had a lesson before this, so it wasn't just after break/lunch and the toilets are locked during lesson change) and asked if he could go to the toilet, it was 15 mins in.

Teacher said no and he left it. 5 mins later he asked again and she said that she had already told him no and he said that he really needed to go and she said that he can't.

5 mins even later, he got up and went over to her and said that he really doesn't think he can hold it anymore and he seriously had to go and she told him to sit down and get on with his work.

He said to me that he would have walked out at that point, but the toilets are locked and you need a note to get the key and he went over to the sink (he said standing helped) and that's the only way he could possibly keep it in. She said he was taking too long to wash his hands and he wet himself.

He then went over to his teacher and asked if he could go to medical as he feels really sick and she then told him to stop it and stop trying to lie his way to the toilet. He sat down.

When the lesson was over he began to cry and the teacher went over and asked what the problem was and she obviously saw because before he answered, he said she began to just back away and start to write on the board and told him to just go to lunch.

He got up and phoned me from the toilets and I went and got him (I pretended he had an appointment, someone else's was cancelled so he got it quick (wasn't true)) and now he refuses to go back, he thinks everyone saw, but by the sounds of things they didn't?? I just don't know what to suggest sad

AIBU or was that teacher in the wrong? (Fair enough if I'm being unreasonable/DS is, but just not sure what to do)

Gisla Fri 12-Feb-16 13:02:25

I'd be going ballistic. Your poor son.

Junosmum Fri 12-Feb-16 13:05:22

At 12 teachers should accept that if a kid asks 3 times to go to the loo they actually need to go UANBU

CooPie10 Fri 12-Feb-16 13:05:44

Wtf is wrong with that teacher! Poor boy, he even went up to her to say he can't hold it in. I would be furious.

Iggi999 Fri 12-Feb-16 13:06:10

I would have said no the first time he asked, I would have said yes the second time - though maybe not depending how many had asked out earlier. I would hate to get this wrong and cause distress to a child, but they cannot all go out when they want and it's amazing how many view break or lunch as being free time only and that the next lesson is when they need to go. I would let a 12 year old go more than a 14 year old.
If it reassures your son, there is no way that others saw and didn't comment on it instantly, they wouldn't have been able to not say something there and then - so I think it will be fine from that point of view. I do think you should tell the school though.

LatriceRoyale Fri 12-Feb-16 13:06:38

I'd be up at the school lodging a complaint. I can't stand teachers on a power trip like that. If you need the toilet you need the toilet. That's just cruel what she did to him and I'd be looking for an apology.

QuietWhenReading Fri 12-Feb-16 13:06:40

I would call to speak to HOY and discuss (fairly strongly) with them.

rosieliveson1 Fri 12-Feb-16 13:08:01

This is terrible. I'd be making an appointment with the headteacher. Your son deserves a full apology from this teacher

whois Fri 12-Feb-16 13:08:17

Teacher was a fucking bitch and needs to be pulled up on that. WHO makes a child wet themselves????

Iggi999 Fri 12-Feb-16 13:08:29

Sorry just saw he asked four times in total. That's ridiculous. All I could say in her defence is that teachers sometimes are in trouble for letting students out (if management are doing a clamp down).

Walshie123 Fri 12-Feb-16 13:19:12

Thank you, not sure how chuffed he'll be about us talking about his weeing! But I think it has to be done

backwardpossom Fri 12-Feb-16 13:23:03

I'd be absolutely livid. I'm a teacher and I generally say no the first time a pupil asks, particularly if it is just after break or lunch time hmm but if a pupil asks a second time, it's usually because they actually do need to go.

This is despite emails sent round from senior management to all teachers telling us we should not be letting pupils out at all during class time to go to the toilet... pupils are not robots, if they need to pee, they need to pee!

fluffypenguinbelly Fri 12-Feb-16 13:23:22

I would be extremely pissed off indeed.

Katenka Fri 12-Feb-16 13:24:05

Yanbu to think the teacher was wrong. I would bet that a boy his age wouldn't wet himself just to be defiant.

But when you make an appointment ask what happened. Don't go blazing in. Parents who blaze in can either find the story is very different to what they think or end up looking unreasonable.

Keeping calm helps far more than displaying raging anger (which is what I would be feeling if I were you).

springscoming Fri 12-Feb-16 13:27:17

The teacher clearly has no common sense and needs to fully understand the consequences of her actions. I'd insist on speaking to the Head or Chair of Governors and I've been a teacher for close on 30 years.

ZiggyFartdust Fri 12-Feb-16 13:29:27

It's not just this incident that is the problem, its the whole idea of locking toilets and not letting anyone go as they need to. The whole concept needs to be changed, its ridiculous.

LalaLyra Fri 12-Feb-16 13:32:17

I'd be livid. Even if you take out the fact she let him go her actions when she realised he'd wet himself were disgusting. A serious lack of care. Who just leaves a child in distress and wet clothes?

I'd be making an appointment at the school. Even if your DS had been in the wrong by playing football all break then wanting to go to the toilet in his first lesson (for example) leaving him wet and distressed is appalling on the teacher's part.

Lindy2 Fri 12-Feb-16 13:32:43

I'd be fuming. As a minimum I would be emailing the teacher to let her know you are aware of what happened and that you are not at all happy with this incident.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Fri 12-Feb-16 13:33:27

I hate this ancient practice of not allowing people to use the bloody toilet when they need it. I don't always go on my lunch break as I don't need it at that point. Luckily I'm able to go when I do need it and am not forced to soil myself. This is an issue I've always though school nurses should get on board with

HypodeemicNerdle Fri 12-Feb-16 13:35:33

Please do complain
I was in your DS's position at the same age, some others had been messing around in a double lesson so a blanket ban was put on everyone leaving. I was a quiet one, a rule follower but I became desperate to go. I asked twice and was refused, my face was beetroot red with embarrisment and I was pretty close to crying when I couldn't hold it all any longer.
I started to tell my mum what had happened but swore at the start of my story, my mum focused on my language and I never did get to the end of my story. It took me years to actually tell her why I'd said 'fucking' that day.
That teacher needs to know that putting your son in that position was totally and completely unacceptable, I'd be fucking raging

StillDrSethHazlittMD Fri 12-Feb-16 13:39:55

I'd be booking an appointment to see Head of Year or even Headteacher immediately and then follow it with a calm but firm letter to the Chair of Governors if necessary.

This is not the Dark Ages. Children are not "seen and not heard". This business about locked toilets and teachers being told not to let kids out of class for the loo - what if they've got an upset stomach for crying out loud?

While I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, I'd be making it abundantly clear I wasn't happy and that unless certain assurances were made regarding the unlocking of toilets and teachers permitting use of toilets, I'd be contacting the council education lot as well.

timeKeepingOnMars Fri 12-Feb-16 13:40:49

It's not just this incident that is the problem, its the whole idea of locking toilets and not letting anyone go as they need to. The whole concept needs to be changed, its ridiculous.


It's not unreasonable to nip in between lessons and room changes ffs.

I would go in and ask what happened politely first - just to be sure then point out how unreasonable entire situation was.

tilliebob Fri 12-Feb-16 13:42:35

As a teacher, I think that's awful! Your poor DS. You can often tell if I child really needs the loo or is trying it on, and when I child asks consistently during a lesson, they obviously need to go. I'd be talking to guidance or the year head. I'd be gutted if my actions lead to a child wetting themselves in my class.

honeyroar Fri 12-Feb-16 13:45:04

Yes this really does need following up. As previously mentioned, it's the fact that she left him sitting there crying and wet that is the worst bit. Although she will probably say that she didn't see.

As for your son, could you tell him that he could tell everyone that he was ill and that's why he went home? Poor boy.

yorkshapudding Fri 12-Feb-16 13:46:10

YANBU. The teacher has displayed a worrying lack of empathy here. Not allowing your poor DS go to the toilet was bad enough but pretending not to realise when he eventually wet himself was cowardly and cruel in my opinion. I don't understand how anyone could leave a child distressed, in urine soaked clothes sad.

I don't agree with the practice of locking toilets and not allowing students to go when they request it. School is supposed to prepare you for the adult life, work etc. As an adult, if I want to go to the toilet I don't ask permission from my boss or wait until my break, I just go! Why should children not have the right to do the same?

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