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to think that an abusive relationship is better than no relationship?

(179 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

ChineseDragonLady Thu 11-Feb-16 16:26:02

If part of the relationship is abusive as long as most of the relationship is good? Surely it's better to put up with some abuse if you get treated well the rest of the time than it is to spend the rest of your life being lonely and miserable?

MamaLazarou Thu 11-Feb-16 16:26:49

No. Absolutely not.

Fairylea Thu 11-Feb-16 16:27:18


No abuse is ever good. It is possible to have a relationship completely free of abuse and that is the only kind of relationship worth having.

wasonthelist Thu 11-Feb-16 16:27:54

Yabu and the "choices" as stated aren't correct.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 11-Feb-16 16:29:50

The only amount of acceptable abuse in any relationship is NONE!!!
Yes that's correct NONE!

So... if someone offered you a cup of shit, would you drink it?
Of course not.
But if someone offered you a cup of tea with only 10% shit in it, would you drink it?
Of course not. Even 10% shit is not acceptable.

Very odd post!

KinkyAfro Thu 11-Feb-16 16:30:01

YAB so f**king U!

This must be a joke?

MoreGilmoreGirls Thu 11-Feb-16 16:31:49

I second hellsbells

MissMedusa Thu 11-Feb-16 16:32:20

Depends on the person. Some people consider loneliness worse than abuse. Only you can decide that for yourself.

yummytummy Thu 11-Feb-16 16:32:31

well apparently its better to not be in an abusive relationship. however I was in one and am now single and I absolutely detest it and hate my life. even though it was a bad relationship at least someone was there and I had practical help at least. now I have nothing and no one as all family sided with him even though he was abusive and apparently I should have worked harder to keep my husband even if it meant I would have ended up dead in all likelihood. I dont know I am probably the worst person to ask. maybe if I ever have a nice relationship that would be better but I haven't so I just don't know any comparison. doesn't help that ex is always saying still I am miserable useless and bitter and no one would go out with me anyway. will stop rambling now but to answer the op I honestly just don't know

hellsbellsmelons Thu 11-Feb-16 16:32:33

Why would you be lonely and miserable for the rest of your life?
Because your abuser said so!??
If that is the case then get out fast as this is not OK.

What if you leave this horrible abusive arsehole and find a lovely man who cherishes everything about you and treats you with the love and respect you deserve???
You are denying yourself this outcome!

Lottapianos Thu 11-Feb-16 16:32:46

OP, come on. It's not a binary choice - abusive relationship OR lonely and miserable. If part of the relationship is abusive, then none of the relationship is good - you're always walking on eggshells, waiting for the next outburst. There is nothing remotely good about that. Nothing.

I have been in an abusive relationship and when I managed to leave, I felt like I had come out of prison. Life became a thousand times more pleasant when I only had myself to answer to, and was free of his control and negativity and bullying and violence.

Being single does not have to equal lonely and miserable. The single people I know are far from either.

What is going on for you?

daisychain01 Thu 11-Feb-16 16:32:54

I do hope you aren't deliberately being a GF.

U2HasTheEdge Thu 11-Feb-16 16:33:05


I hope you aren't serious

whois Thu 11-Feb-16 16:33:44

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OddSocksHighHeels Thu 11-Feb-16 16:33:54

God no!

I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than put up with any level or type of abuse.

Are you being abused in your relationship? Please seek some outside support if you are.

yummytummy Thu 11-Feb-16 16:34:17

and really it isn t as easy as ltb. new relationships are hard to find and nice men don't exist or are rare so people should think before they just make people leave

whois Thu 11-Feb-16 16:34:23

FWIT is rather be lonely sometimes on my own than be made miserable by someone who is meant to love me.

LilacSpunkMonkey Thu 11-Feb-16 16:34:32

Are you the same OP who started on this morning about not leaving your relationships because children need a father to thrive?

Because that OP never came back and now we have an MRA on it being a dick.

Keeptrudging Thu 11-Feb-16 16:34:48

I felt lonelier and more miserable when I was in an abusive relationship than when I left and was by myself.

Lottapianos Thu 11-Feb-16 16:35:42

'apparently I should have worked harder to keep my husband even if it meant I would have ended up dead in all likelihood'

yummy, you know that this is complete and utter crap, right? It sounds like you chose life and chose yourself, and refused to carry on being somebody's plaything and punchbag. Be proud of yourself. I'm so sorry that your family are horribly unsupportive

WorraLiberty Thu 11-Feb-16 16:36:49

Are you one of these people who feel grateful that "At least he doesn't hit me"

ChineseDragonLady Thu 11-Feb-16 16:37:16

Lilac no, I'm not the same poster and I'm not being a GF or a bridge dweller, though you'll have to take my word for that.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 11-Feb-16 16:37:21

yummy have you spoken to Womens Aid and done their Freedom Programme yet?
If not then give them a call and get signed up.
It will do you the world of good.
Do you have hobbies and friends? Or did your abusive prick of an ExH isolate you from them?
You've left and you are safe and you will get yourself and your life back in the future.
One day at a time.

ilovesooty Thu 11-Feb-16 16:37:39

I've been in a long term abusive relationship which had its good moments nonetheless. I'd rather be single for ever than return.
Yes, it's lonely. But no abuse is worth accepting in order not to be alone.

ChineseDragonLady Thu 11-Feb-16 16:39:09

however I was in one and am now single and I absolutely detest it and hate my life. even though it was a bad relationship at least someone was there and I had practical help at least.

This. It a nutshell, yes, it's how I feel. Now there is nobody who gives a shit about me whereas before at least there was somebody some of the time.

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