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Friend has cancer, aibu to take round some food?

(24 Posts)
CityFox Thu 11-Feb-16 12:48:55

A close friend has just found out she has cancer.

Her partner has taken time off work, but they have very young DC.

I was thinking off dropping round some food (or leaving it outside if she doesn't want to see anyone) as I know she does the lions share of the cooking.

I don't really know how else to be of practical help.

CityFox Thu 11-Feb-16 12:50:00

But I don't want to come across as patronising or interfering...

SandwichYum Thu 11-Feb-16 12:51:44

Hi I am in same position as your friend, food parcels are being welcomed with open arms smile

Mrskeats Thu 11-Feb-16 12:52:42

That would be lovely and thoughtful and you are a good friend smile

firesidechat Thu 11-Feb-16 12:54:40

Has she started treatment yet or feel too ill to cook at the moment?

I would probably leave the meal thing until she needs it, which she may well do.

I do have some experience of cancer.

misskatamari Thu 11-Feb-16 12:55:50

I would for sure, it's a lovely gesture. Different situation, but when my mum died suddenly in November, the best thing anyone did was a friend who brought us round some food. I'm sure your friend and her family will really appreciate it x

Akire Thu 11-Feb-16 12:57:04

I'd ring up say you like to help even if she's not up to eating the kids will need to eat. I'd make sure they had enough fridge/freezer space and ask for any favourites they may like.

It's a lovely gesture all they can do is say no thanks but be touched by gesture if your cooking skills are known to be awful smile

MissyMaker Thu 11-Feb-16 12:57:57

That would be lovely.

Also, if you're able, help with childcare - if she needs to go to hospital, have treatment, et., then that could be one of her biggest challenges. If you offer and she asks, do please try and help if you can - empty promises are worth nothing.

AlpacaMyThings Thu 11-Feb-16 12:58:14

What a lovely gesture, I'm sure it will be very welcome. I would prefer this to flowers and chocolates. Its practical and food probably isn't top of their thought list however the children will need feeding.

Make something that could be frozen, just in case it doesn't get eaten on the day, but can just be put in the oven:

Cottage/Shepherds pie

Also, the odd offer to pick up bits from the supermarket would be kind as well.

grannytomine Thu 11-Feb-16 13:01:24

I think it is a very kids thought and I am sure they would welcome any practical offers of help.

grannytomine Thu 11-Feb-16 13:01:40

Kind not kids.

namechangedtoday15 Thu 11-Feb-16 13:06:52

Think its a lovely gesture but I would do kiddy-friendly meals - even those frozen meals specifically for children you can get (perhaps with some adult ones thrown in for her H). Perhaps you can check with the H first about it?

Has she started any treatment as yet? My H couldn't eat hardly when he was having treatment, one side effect of chemo can sometimes be sickness so he was very fussy about what foods he could eat and even which foods I cooked (for the children) because even the smell of cooking some things would make him sick.

Yes to offering childcare, dropping off groceries, even volunteering to do a bit of ironing. Hope she's OK.

Lizsmum Thu 11-Feb-16 14:32:32

In a similar situation I took round prepared fresh vegetables which were very well received.

Binders1 Thu 11-Feb-16 15:46:22

I do my friend's washing and ironing and she finds it easier sometimes to just communicate by text. I sometimes just pick it up and drop it off in the kitchen. I also help with childcare quite a lot (I live close by) - I'm not a good cook but know others who are doing that - so it's a lovely thing for you to do.

Lilymaid Thu 11-Feb-16 15:51:16

I've also got cancer:
Food parcels - great!
A bit of help with the ironing whilst having a chat is also great!
What a lovely friend you are!

MomOfTwoGirls2 Thu 11-Feb-16 15:51:25

I was in your friends situation 2 years ago.

I really really really appreciated getting a gift of food.
I do all the cooking, during chemo we lived out of the freezer. I did a lot of batch cooking in advance, and my lovely sister-in-law and one friend also dropped in meals from time to time. My sister also.
Make sure whatever you make will freeze (so make a big batch while you are at it!)

The other thing that really helped was dropping/collecting children to school and hobbies.

I also really enjoyed getting together with friends while I was sick. Even with chemo, patient usually feels almost back to normal by week before next round. My friends used to plan what to do before 'next' chemo, so I always had something to look forward to. Usually coffee or lunch someplace nice.

If you give some practical help, your friend is more likely to ask for help (if she's anything like me). So many people offer help, but it is weird to just ask. I knew the ones who helped me already would be there if I needed them again.

You find out who your real friends are when you are sick!! You sound like a lovely friend.

formerbabe Thu 11-Feb-16 16:03:08

It's a lovely idea. Practical help is the best kind in my opinion. Offering to help with the school run (if you can) would also be a nice thought.

Cleebope Thu 11-Feb-16 17:35:31

This is v normal. I ordered lots of freshly made meals for my friend recovering from cancer op recently. She loved it but said she was inundated with food from her many relatives and chums! She froze a lot of it but really appreciated it. Not at all patronising, just practical. Where I live we do the same for friends who have been bereaved.

lessthanBeau Thu 11-Feb-16 17:57:57

Don't wait to be asked, my DB wouldn't ask for any help at first, but I found that just going and doing stuff that you know is going to help worked best, I don't mean barge in and be intrusive but take the food anyway, help with the kids is going to be the biggest thing if you can. My friends helped me loads with childcare for my DD when I was caring for my db, and it takes a load off knowing that you won't need to worry about that when dealing with appointments and treatments and recovery. Sending you and your friend best wishes and hope xx

figureofspeech Thu 11-Feb-16 18:42:48

That's a lovely gesture, my dad died last year and so many people turned up with food parcels which was very welcome. We froze a lot of it and saved it for the bad days when we felt crap and did want to cook. One kind soul baked a tray of brownies and left it on the doorstep.

Aposey Thu 11-Feb-16 18:58:22

If you can, please ask her what she would like first. My mother died of cancer last year, and she had a freezer full of fish pie and cottage pie that a friend kept bringing round- she didnt eat fish or cottage pies at that point so it was just wasted.

Perhaps offer to pick up her food shopping or be available for lifts to doctors etc, or if she has a garden to do any weeding etc that needs doing so she can enjoy sitting in it without feeling like its a mess.

Hedgehogparty Thu 11-Feb-16 19:17:20

That would be a kind and thoughtful thing to do

londonrach Thu 11-Feb-16 19:27:21

When mum was going through cancer we had offers of meals. I went home to look after mum. With running back and forth to hospital and the emotional stress any meals already cooked were gratefully receieved as was help with shopping, transport to hospital, magazines you dont need any more. My parents had amazing support from friends which made such a difference. One of mums friends turned up and took the washing basket away and returned it all ironed! On top of that just popping in and having a cup of tea and chatting for a short time (30 mins as any more wore mum out) really helped. You amazing friend by the way and as someone who went through this thank you. My mum is ok now thank goodness x

Thankfulforeveryday Thu 11-Feb-16 20:26:31

As a cancer sufferer, yes this would be a lovely thing to do.
My friends also made me a hamper with a hospital bag with magazines, book, boiled sweets, fluffy socks etc for chemo days, plus things like lavender oil to help me sleep, a nice blanket etc. It was beyond thoughtful and makes me well up just thinking about how well thought out their gifts were. thanks

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