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To have acted how I did?

(22 Posts)
chinchiii Wed 10-Feb-16 17:37:46

Have been in our new home for just over three months and we just knew from the offset that the young boy next door would be bother. My kids have just gone to play outside and him and his cousin said my son couldn't play football. He has CP and this has been a huge issue for him especially at school when his friends will play it at break and lunch and he obviously feels upset.

He was visibly upset at this and his sister came in running to tell me the boys said 'they couldn't care less' when she told him the reason he can't play well is because of his foot. I went outside and told the boy who lived next door that my son had a disability and what he said was disrespectful. His mother comes bounding over shouting the odds and swearing asking who the hell I thought I was. At one point she was in my face and only backed off when I told her we had CCTV in the garden.

I had every intention of speaking to her in a nice voice to explain the situation, but before I even had time to breathe, she was down my neck, calling me every name under the sun. My son started crying even more and she had the audacity to say it was my fault. I explained that if she had taught her children respect towards others, there wouldn't be an issue in the first place. I feel really shaken up.

I am hurting so much for my son who at 8 years old is realising that he isn't as capable as most and he has knocked his confidence for six. To now live next door to people who haven't the slightest bit of compassion is going to be fun 😔😔😔

ghostyslovesheep Wed 10-Feb-16 17:43:43

they where not very nice - but honestly 'I'm not playing with you' 'you can't join in' is a common these with ALL kids and gangs of kids - I'm not sure I'd encourage him to be so upset over it by making it a huge deal - my response would be 'well find someone else to play with' really

Yes they shouldn't be disableist in an ideal word but they are kids - and kids can be dicks - it may have been because he has brown hair, or there is an r in the month

Give him a love - tell him their idiots - help him move on

Birdsgottafly Wed 10-Feb-16 17:43:51

They've got the right to not want your DS to play football with them.

I speak as a parent of two children with SN.

I would have left it and then tried to chat to the Mother. You've labled the boy next door, which is very unfair and as a parent of a child with AN, you should still be at the stage of challenging your first assumption, if you want the same respect for your DS.

formerbabe Wed 10-Feb-16 17:45:17

Bit cold to be playing outside isn't it?

araiba Wed 10-Feb-16 17:47:57

so you can force other children to play with your son because he is disabled?

i never knew that

AlwaysHopeful1 Wed 10-Feb-16 17:48:31

I don't think the other boys should have been forced to play with your ds. He was playing with his cousin , it seems like they were fine on their own. I also don't think you should have addressed the boys, rather have spoken to their mother.

chinchiii Wed 10-Feb-16 17:52:16

They asked my children to play and as soon as they realised he was unable to play football they shunned him.

I had every intention of speaking to the mother but as the child was stood gawping at my son who was crying, I felt that he should know why he was upset.

Maybe it is because I have a child with a disability that I am more on guard, but I felt to be called a stupid bitch in my own garden was a tad extreme when at not one point did I raise my voice to her or her son.

AlwaysHopeful1 Wed 10-Feb-16 17:55:28

How did you know from the offset that this boy would be a bother?

Wombatinabathhat Wed 10-Feb-16 17:56:55

How did you 'know from the offset' that the boy next door would be trouble?
It sounds like you didn't like him before this incident

GNRmama Wed 10-Feb-16 17:57:33

OP I feel for you, I have a son who often gets excluded because of his SN and the fact he just doesn't "get" how to play with others. The first time it absolutely broke my heart. He's toughening up a bit now and learning not everyone wants to play with him. I've told him it's their loss, he's a great kid with tons of personality and of they miss out on that well then tough for them. We usually do some baking to distract him, cake is the best distraction wink

Osolea Wed 10-Feb-16 18:01:42

I really feel for you, it must be heartbreaking to see how your son is feeling over this. But although I understand why you spoke to the children, I dont think you should have done. You weren't there to see what actually happened, from the other mothers perspective you just heard something second hand from your own dd then went out to tell her child off.

It sounds like she behaved appallingly, but it would have been better for you to talk to her before you spoke to her child.

OfaFrenchmind2 Wed 10-Feb-16 18:07:27

She behaved like a witch, no doubts about that, on that YANBU.
Other than that, you obviously started out with bad feelings about the boy (why? did not like his face?), and kids do not have to play with a child with SN. They can say no, and that should be enough. They should not bully, but they should play as they would like. It would be nice and ideal if they could, but children, like their adult counterparts, are flawed little buggers. Just as you and me.

SavoyCabbage Wed 10-Feb-16 18:11:00

I wouldn't go outside and speak to a child who wouldn't let my child play with them. It's not school or a party. It's their own free time. I especially wouldn't get involved if I hadn't seen what had happened with my own eyes.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Wed 10-Feb-16 18:15:49

Sometimes playing together doesn't work out. I recognise that the context makes this upsetting for your son, but I am sorry to say I think you did the wrong thing. Saying he 'couldn't care less' was dismissive and not very nice, but not worth a reprimand from you.

gooseberryroolz Wed 10-Feb-16 18:25:38

Is your back garden not very big? I'd get the DC to invite their friends in there, TBH.

ofuckit Wed 10-Feb-16 18:33:16

I think you're getting a rough time on here op - the vipers nest is out in force tonight it seems hmm

Your neighbours sound like ignorant twonks and I would encourage your DC to play in your own garden - much less hassle all round.

shazzarooney99 Wed 10-Feb-16 18:33:27

Maybe they just dont like your son and its nothing to do with his disability.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Wed 10-Feb-16 18:35:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeanneBattersby Wed 10-Feb-16 18:37:25

I feel for you OP. It must be tough trying to find the right balance for your son.

But honestly, you need to not micro-manage your childrens' friendships. What happened to your son is completely normal and is just part of growing up.

Katenka Wed 10-Feb-16 18:37:39

I feel for you and your son.

But you labelled this kid instantly and are complaining that they labelled him as rubbish because of his disability.

You can't force anyone to play with your son.

This happens with NT kids as well. The girls who live here don't like dd because she wouldn't wander off into the woods as she knows we don't allow it. The estate is still being built and the woods are not clear. There is still building material from when someone tries to steal everything of the building site. The say she is lame. I can't force them to be nice to her.

I really think you should have spoken to the boy's mother directly about what he said.

You need a sign for cctv that is clear you are filming. Why did you install cctv on your property?

wotoodoo Wed 10-Feb-16 18:56:30

Tiger mum meets tiger mum. Sparks are going to fly.

Tummyclutter Wed 10-Feb-16 19:04:51

You have said that he gets upset at school when his friends play at break time.
I take it you mean that his own friends don't include him. I would be more inclined to worry about that, than a neighbours child who you haven't even got to know yet!

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