WIBU to quit my job?

[Snowey101]

I have been in my new job for 3 weeks....and frankly, I'm wondering if I've made a terrible mistake.

In a nutshell and not going into too much detail- major unhappy work force, low morale & a rigid, tense working environment.

The person that I am taking over from (who is meant to be training me in their role) has seemed to have taken an instant dislike to me as from day 1 she's been snapping and snarling at me, doesn't give clear instructions therefore sometimes I don't 100% understand what I'm expected to do but am too afraid to ask her to clarify or ask her a Q as she just bites me head off.

Today she ignored me all day, pointedly, whilst cackling with some of my other colleagues. I felt so desperately unhappy today that I felt like crying.

The trouble is, I'm worried even if I did quit that I'd struggle to get another job as leaving a job after a few weeks or couple of months really doesn't look good does it and I'm not sure what on earth id say to a potential employer?

Feeling really down tonight. Just really not sure what to do.

[GatherlyGal]

I think you know when you really can't hack any more.
If you can stick it a bit longer at least until you find someone nice to talk to you might find things get better.
If it doesn't pick up you can always tell a new or prospective employer that it didn't work out even if you don't stay long (job not as described, personality clash etc)
I know it's thoroughly miserable though when you are new and not made to feel welcome or encouraged.
Good luck

[messystressy]

I agree at sticking at it. Maybe it's me, but I think starting a new job anywhere is hard. It can be hard to penetrate cliques and most people I know don't enjoy training the newbie. Certainly some people are better than others though! Sounds like there is some politics with your trainer and your role? Is it something whereby once you are trained you would have little to do eith them? In which case, i would stick it out. However, I would give yourself a certain amount of time to bed yourself down in the role but ultimately, if you're still unhappy after the time has lapsed, think about moving on. Good luck!

[Snowey101]

Thanks for the replies, I feel a bit calmed.

I guess maybe I will see if I can stick it out for a while and hope it improves. My only other worry is that because I'm not recieving the best training, I might make mistakes and I really don't want to do that and then them get rid of me anyway. It's just all an awkward situation.

I just want to go in, do my job (well) get on with my colleagues and go home. Is that too much to ask?

How do you deal with colleagues that are rude and abrupt with you?

[GreyBird84]

When someone is rude or abrupt I either respond with equal rudeness (which isn't the best way forward) or I pretend to not notice, smile & act a bit air-head if that makes sense - which seems to annoy them more.

Is if they are deliberately obtuse 'excuse me, I'm really sorry to have to bother you again, but I just don't think I have grasped this right, can you come here while I do one & keep me on the right track? Thanks ever so much...' Basically annoy them into having no choice but to give you the info that you need. Any if they sigh or tut just repeat it with An empty smile.

If you think they are setting you up, send an email to them at end of each day outlining what has been covered, your understand of it & asking for any training notes related to the tasks. Also known as coveting your ass.

Obviously you shouldn't have to do any of these things, I'm a firm believer in making your working day as easy as possible for all concerned but not everyone else is!

[Bailey101]

Is there someone you can go to and explain the situation? Maybe not make a formal complaint, if you think it'll make things worse but give management the heads up.

I used to work with someone like you're describing - 3 people quit my job before me because of her. I came close to leaving over it but I'm too stubborn to let a troll like that win. It was really hard at first, but I stood my ground and she ended up looking really bad. If she's training you, does that mean that she's leaving soon, or is she moving elsewhere in the company?

[TwatMagnet]

She's bullying you is the long and short of it. The one thing bullies do not like is being called on it. You could do this - preferably in private but in public if necessary. You don't need to have a full on confrontation - speak calmly, politely and if at all possible with a witness.
To just walk out - well - I understand the urge, but someone will follow you into that job and get the same treatment. Call her out - it's terrible behaviour and she shouldn't be enabled in getting away with it. Hope you get it sorted!

[EvaTheOptimist]

Who is your line manager? Because presumably it is not the person who is handing over tasks to you. I think you need to talk to your line manager and describe clearly which bits you are not getting clear instructions on. Also, shop the horrid training person to your line manager. Your line manager may have some influence to be able to tell them that their behaviour is not helping the organisation. Is it even possible that the line manager can find someone else to train you?

I suspect the person you are taking over from is unhappy that ANYONE is taking this role (its not personal, they would hate anyone in your new role).

If your line manager is not supportive of you then you might be right to wonder whether this job will work out in the long term....

[Stillunexpected]

Who is your line manager? You should be meeting with him/her anyway to establish how you are settling into the role although from the sound of things it probably isn't that kind of company. However, you have nothing to lose by asking for a meeting with them and outlining your unhappiness. Give specific examples and phrase it so that you are showing concern for the company and your fear that you will not be effective in the role, rather than coming across as whining about the individual. See what they say, give it a shot time to improve, and then leave if nothing happens. If they don't take your concerns on board at this early stage, things are not going to improve and you will end up leaving anyway. In terms of your CV, I think far better to have a very short period of employment and be able to say something about job not being as described etc.

[Jelliebabe1]

Just don't put it on your CV! Or say you left for other reasons. I had an awful job that I quit once and I say it was sick cover and the ordain gut better sooner than expected!

[HolsW]

If you can't cope, leave - it isn't the end of the world and you wouldn't be BU... :)

[Clearoutre]

Her behaviour points to not knowing what she's doing herself hence the snappiness - is there someone more friendly around you can ask for advice/pointers - this would also enable you to build relationships with people who will be your workmates as opposed to someone who's leaving treating you in a shoddy/unwelcoming manner.

You're right to be worried that substandard training might leave you struggling to impress in your new job.

Agree with pp re. not needing to include a shortly held job on your cv & if you do end up being quizzed on it then turn it into a positive - they didn't offer exposure to x and you do so I didn't want to let this opportunity pass etc.

Put the feelers out & see if anyone else is hiring, ask questions about the office/team environment & training if things are going well down a new path.

[Snowey101]

Thanks for the replies.

Unfortunately it's mainly her training me & not really anyone else that can- though I have received help from a couple of others.

Also unfortunately, she isn't actually leaving the company but is moving within to a new role but will be based in the same office. My concern is that after doing this role for so long, I really can't see her relinquishing all control easily down the line!

I woke up dreading going into work which is never good!

If it carries on I'll have to talk to my manager in a last ditch attempt to get it sorted. They'll probably side with her though because she's Wonder Woman who has been in the company for years!

Wish me luck for today!

[OzzieFem]

Did she want the new role she is getting? She may have been moved sideways as she wasn't very good at her current job. Either way it sounds like you are being set up, so that later every one will think she did a better job in that role than you.

Start taking notes on what she tells you. If she comments, you are doing so that you can remember her advice, and don't need to bother her again if you forget anything she has already told you. I would give the job a few months before deciding anything.

I remember doing a year long course with a batch of other girls and hated it. The girls were fine, but there were a couple of real bitches in management and education who just tried to make life difficult for us. Some of the girls left, and I wanted too as well, but kept saying to myself "give it another couple of months..). After I reached the six month mark it was not so bad, as the end was in sight. I got that diploma and never worked in that particular area again! I just refused to concede defeat.

[MrsNoraCharles]

There's some great advice on this thread and I'm not going to add to it.

I just wanted to say "hang on in there": I once had a job which I loathed from the first second. I came home on the first day and told my DH that I'd made the biggest mistake ever, and he said I didn't have to go back. I did though. I stuck it out through nine miserable months.

The key thing, and the reason I'm telling you, is that it was the biggest contributing factor in me then applying for, and getting, the best job of my life. It gave me a network (and some skills) that mean I look back on it with a peculiar kind of fondness. It was absolutely bloody awful, and I hated every second, but I'm sort of grateful too. Because now I'm here, and here is great!

[Getyercoat]

I knew within a fortnight of starting a job that I really, really didn't like it. However, I stuck it out (not for very long) but because if I'm honest, I did learn quite a lot from working there. From using new systems to learning how to handle awkward colleagues and different processes.
I did leave for a job that suited me far more but I don't regret hanging on in there for a while. You won't leave having learned nothing.
Obviously if a job is affecting your mental health it's time to think seriously about what to do but I'd be inclined to give it even six months.
Unless you're in the habit of job hopping every few months one short stint won't affect your prospects. We're only human, it's not unusual for a person to have had one job where they knew it wasn't for them early on.

[Snowey101]

Eurgh- another day! Trying to keep the advice on this thread in mind! I sense she is going to be awful to me today, don't know why! I've ran out of work so will need to ask her for some, que no doubt more hostility.

[riverboat1]

Good luck. I do tend to find the early days in a new job to always be a bit of a shock, it's inevitably not quite as you imagined it, being the newbie amongst old timers hard, and I have often felt like I was making a big mistake. Sometimes that has turned out to be the case, sometimes not at all!

Your situation does sound very trying, and it is horrible to dread 9am every day. But I think you simply have to stick it out for a bit longer, to give it a fair chance before making any big decisions.

[EvaTheOptimist]

Don't ask her for work - ask your manager.

[problembottom]

If you are considering leaving I'd talk to your manager as you've nothing to lose. You just need to make sure it's all about you wanting to do your job well rather than seeming like you're moaning.

I'd say she seems unwilling/unhappy to train you and you don't feel you are learning which is VERY concerning as you are super keen to do a good job. Give two or three concrete examples of her behaviour and how it has impacted on you workwise.

As your manager, what are they going to do about it? You are so keen to succeed etc.

[SquinkiesRule]

Hope your OK snowy.

[toffeeboffin]

That's rubbish, Snowey, people are so horrible.

If you do decide to stay put, learn the job as quickly as possible so you don't have to talk to Mean Girl.

Put on your 'don't fuck with me' face. Don't smile, be curt but not rude. I'm sure everyone else hates her too!

Any conversation you have, try and have them via email so it's in writing.

Or, if you do decide to find another job, just don't mention it at all. No-one will notice a month missing on your CV and if they do, say you were renovating property/helping a relative/ having a break over Xmas whatever etc.

[OfficeGirl1969]

Bloody hell Snowey.....are you me, two years ago working for a large national company?! I went though exactly the same thing, being "trained" by someone moving to another department, she gave me the same grief you're getting now, and it was 100% because, whilst she was moving jobs, she just didn't want to relinquish control of her original position. She gave me poor, half hearted, grudging training, belittled me if I asked questions, turned her back on me when I was speaking, and sat cackling like a witch with her colleagues whilst I struggled. And like your nemesis, she'd been there for years and everyone else thought the sun shone out of her arse!
I'm honestly wondering if you're up against the same woman!

My salvation came when she moved to her new role, and I was finally able to make that job my own. For the first few weeks after she moved across, she made regular returns to "check I was getting on ok" but really, she obviously didn't want to hand over the reins. However once she had actually taken over her new role I became braver and was able to stand up to her.

The catalyst was her asking me why I was doing X in a certain way (I'd found a quicker way of doing a particular task that suited me better) I smiled sweetly at her and just said "Oh, that's the way we do this now, it's working really well" and got on with what I was doing.
I wonder whether the one you're taking over from is struggling to relinquish responsibility and is just trying to make life hard for you so you don't succeed, and everyone else can fondly remember how amazing she was, and how nobody could so the job as well as her.......? She may not even realise she's doing it.......
But don't let her ruin your new job. Stay calm, remember you're as good as anyone, if not better for the position (after all, they offered you the job, didn't they?) Don't forget, even if she stays on in the same office, she will move away from your role soon enough....try not to give in just yet, hang on in there till she moves away and make the job your own.
And try to get some time with your line manager, don't bad mouth her but see if you can get some feedback on your progress and try to build a positive relationship with them in case you need them in your side
I hope you stick it out.....there's nothing like the feeling you get when that person who gave you hell sees you making a success of the role!

[Yseulte]

Normally I tell people to stick out their jobs. But as soon you've entered you can see it's an unhappy, tense place, and this bully will always be around. Can you face working in this environment for the next 10 years?

I'd quit now, 3 weeks don't need to go on your CV.

[Snowey101]

I'm sat here in tears. Today was awful.

She deliberately didn't speak to me all day. Every time I tried to join in the (group) conversation she'd then turn her back and ignore me completely, any convo I got involved in she just shut down. Then her and another bitchy colleague (her sidekick) were gossiping and whispering by the water cooler, not even trying to hide the fact they were blatantly bitching about me.

The atmosphere in the office was unbearable by the end of the day and I felt bad for the 3 other women as I think they felt awkward but by the end I couldn't even bring myself to look at the 2 bitches and was pretty sharp and short with them when they (rarely) addressed me.

Bitchface one gave me a task to do and I didn't understand one part and just honestly couldn't bring myself to ask her about it, I thought I'd ask my boss when they're back in the office tomorrow. She quizzed me on why I hadn't done the second part, which in fairness made me look incompetent but I'm passed caring. All I get met with is hostility and disdain whenever I try and address anything with her.

I left for the day and I think it's pretty clear I was upset. I bet they all bitched when I left.

I think I'm going to have to leave. Maybe I'll talk to my boss beforehand but I honestly can't see it doing anything. I really think I'd like the job too and it's good money, that I really need but the situation has just become almost untenable.

I don't know how to move forward from here.