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About new boyfriend's looks

(86 Posts)
dandydesmond Tue 09-Feb-16 17:19:25

New boyfriend has an amazing body. Really amazing. He is also an extremely nice man. However, face-wise, I am just not sure I fancy him. I am going out with him because he is a lovely person and treats me really well, and I wouldn't want to hurt him or really to stop seeing him right now. However, I am struggling to get round the fact that I just don't think he is attractive in the face department.

Perhaps I am just shallow, but I have always thought you need to have sexual attraction to someone you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with. In this case, I have a lot of attraction to his body and his mind, but I am worried I will end up getting to the point of not fancying him at all and hurting him if I carry on ignoring the fact that I don't really fancy his face.

What do you think?

VulcanWoman Tue 09-Feb-16 17:23:08

You're as deep as a puddle. Probably shouldn't have posted, I don't usually post to be negative but just find this so sad.

Cutecat78 Tue 09-Feb-16 17:24:38

I didn't find my DP that attractive when I first met him - but I fell in love with him and I think he's gorgeous.

That's all that matters - how he makes you feel.

Oysterbabe Tue 09-Feb-16 17:25:04

How long have you been seeing him?

Eggsandketchup Tue 09-Feb-16 17:25:12

Attraction sometimes grows with the relationship, as you get to know a person better and fall in love with them. Saying that, I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought me unattractive confused

Mag314 Tue 09-Feb-16 17:25:37

Tough one.

I think if you really like somebody, then if they have fairly regular features, or at least, no particularly unattractive feature, then if they're healthy and positive and you like them, then when you look at them, you see the whole person. BUT I don't know if I could cope with disgusting teeth or really close set eyes.

Basically, you don't fancy him, but you can acknowledge that he has a nice body.

Mag314 Tue 09-Feb-16 17:27:50

What did you think the very fist time you set eyes on him?

An ex of mine, I remember, the very first time I saw him I thought nothing. Neither, 'oh he's nice' nor 'fell from the ugly tree'. His personality made his 'neutral' looks grow on me.

Cleensheetsandbedding Tue 09-Feb-16 17:28:15

Don't go there. I had a BF who's body was amazing (sigh) but he had a massive nose (that looked even worse on photos) and I just couldn't get past it.

AnotherEffingOrangeRevel Tue 09-Feb-16 17:28:21

YANBU to wonder. I think only time will tell. Do you think that the fact you're "segmenting" him into bits you fancy and bits you don't means that that general feeling of attraction (to the whole person) is missing a bit? If it is, you can't really help that.

dandydesmond Tue 09-Feb-16 17:29:07

Oysterbabe - a few weeks.

AnotherEffingOrangeRevel Tue 09-Feb-16 17:29:10

I just couldn't get past it

Literally, Cleensheet? shock

PuntasticUsername Tue 09-Feb-16 17:30:53

Get him to grow a beard, then there will be less of his face you have to look at?

Cleensheetsandbedding Tue 09-Feb-16 17:32:33

I know another sad

BUT my Dh is a tad over weight, was when I met him but has an amazing beautiful face. He is also the funniest person I know. I do think you do need that initial attraction after all your going to spend enough time kidding it

Cleensheetsandbedding Tue 09-Feb-16 17:32:50

*Kissing it!

Angeladelight Tue 09-Feb-16 17:32:56

While it's not a nice thing to say, if you don't fancy him then you don't fancy him. Best not to lead him on if it's not something you can get past.

FellOutOfBedTwice Tue 09-Feb-16 17:33:20

In my experience if you're thinking anything negative about them physically then you just don't fancy them enough for it to be a long term bet. The two men I've been in love with in my life weren't objectively very handsome or attractive- but I found/find (one is my DH) far more attractive than the objectively good looking ones who I went out with but was never in love with. I think that my husband is gorgeous but objectively/on paper he isn't. The fact that I find him that way is that magic/spark in my opinion.

theycallmemellojello Tue 09-Feb-16 17:34:45

I think you can get used to someone and 'grow into' sexual attraction. Honestly, it took me a while to fancy my DH lookswise and I had doubts early in the relationship. However, his wonderful personality won the day, thank god, and now I fancy the pants off him. I think it is worth sticking it out, it is not easy to find a good match.

Nottodaythankyouorever Tue 09-Feb-16 17:34:48

You're as deep as a puddle


AnotherEffingOrangeRevel Tue 09-Feb-16 17:36:11

I do think you do need that initial attraction after all your going to spend enough time kissing it

Absolutely, cleen. Sorry, I wasn't really being shocked about you ending it with your ex - was just being silly about the idea of physically not being able to "get past" a nose... not criticising!

AnotherEffingOrangeRevel Tue 09-Feb-16 17:36:35

You're as deep as a puddle


acasualobserver Tue 09-Feb-16 17:39:01

Yes, attraction can build over time but I think you have something to build on.

theycallmemellojello Tue 09-Feb-16 17:39:30

You're as deep as a puddle
There's nothing shallow with wanting to be sexually attracted to the person you're in a relationship with! A relationship without attraction would be pretty grim.

Cleensheetsandbedding Tue 09-Feb-16 17:41:45

another nobody nose how bad it was grin

U2HasTheEdge Tue 09-Feb-16 17:42:14

Only on MN does not fancying someone make you shallow. You can't help who you fancy. That doesn't make someone shallow.

HelsBels3000 Tue 09-Feb-16 17:42:23

maybe he thinks the same about you probably for the best

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