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to feel tricked and taken advantage of?

(509 Posts)
OohMavis Tue 09-Feb-16 14:28:00

I'm a cakemaker. Valentines is a busy time of the year, but last week DH's brother asked me to make a cake for his girlfriend, so him being family, I fit him in last minute with a discount, price was agreed last week.

He came to pick it up today but instead of paying me, he's told me to ask DH for the money, because DH borrowed it from him angry and off he went with his cake.

I had no idea DH owed him money. It was for some tickets to a show they went to together which his brother bought on his card for convenience. DH just forgot about it.

AIBU to feel as though he's basically got a free cake out of me, and feel really bloody annoyed and tricked? I'm not going to be paid for the cake (our finances are completely joint, BIL knows this, it would be utterly pointless for DH to pay me). My time has been wasted. I turned down a paying order for him.

Just so angry!

RoganJosh Tue 09-Feb-16 14:28:57

But if your DH owed him the money then that seems fair enough.

ChessieFL Tue 09-Feb-16 14:30:28

I don't see the problem. What's the point in your DH giving BIL the money only for him to give it to you?

gamerchick Tue 09-Feb-16 14:30:54

It would be fair enough if she wasn't tricked into it.

Let this one go but in future no matter if it's above board, that person doesn't get a yummy crumb out of you.

MardyGrave Tue 09-Feb-16 14:32:00

If your finances are totally joint then you aren't down anything.

I'd still get your husband to pay you for the cake, as it will need to go through your books I imagine.

The person who looks a dick in this is your DH, certain people seem to conveniently forget when it comes to paying their way.

ineedamoreadultieradult Tue 09-Feb-16 14:32:39

He should have made it clear before you agreed to make it it would be instead of DH paying him so you could have decided if that deal worked for you or not.

catsmother Tue 09-Feb-16 14:32:47

YANBU ! ..... the money your DH owes him is between them, and nothing to do with you. Had he been upfront and suggested this is how the cake might be paid for then at least you could have made an informed decision.

I should imagine though that you'd have preferred to spend your time making a cake which would have turned a profit - and BIl would then have had to approach DH directly.

He's been a devious shit and wasted your time. Have you costed your time and ingredients ? .. does it even match what he was owed for the tickets anyway, not that that's the point.

Katenka Tue 09-Feb-16 14:32:48

Get dh to give you the money.

Really it's down to your dh for not telling you he owed his brother money. I bet your dh knew what his dbro was doing.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 09-Feb-16 14:33:01

I agree with you OP. I think he has taken advantage of you.

He's used your services in a business transaction. It has nothing to do with your Dh. He should take the money owed up with his as a separate issue.

OohMavis Tue 09-Feb-16 14:33:20

I'm annoyed because it's not me that owed him the money, but instead of asking DH for it, he ordered a cake from me and pretended that he was going to pay for it. It's my business, it makes me money. Just seems underhanded.

Lweji Tue 09-Feb-16 14:34:23

If your finances are joint, then what's the problem? Surely the result is the same.
I'd understand if they were separate.

TwatMagnet Tue 09-Feb-16 14:35:50

I agree with you OP. It does seem underhanded. I suspect BIL had this in mind all along which makes me wonder if he's been asking you DH for the money for some time and not getting it? It's definitely a cooked-up plan. Have you asked DH about it?

Chorltonswheelies422 Tue 09-Feb-16 14:35:52

That is awful - should have been agreed up front! I wouldn't be in a hurry to do him a huge favour again

Lweji Tue 09-Feb-16 14:35:58

Unless you keep books and pay tax on that income, but, still, the end result is the same, surely.

MardyGrave Tue 09-Feb-16 14:36:00

Will your husband pay? Or will he forgot about that too?

icanteven Tue 09-Feb-16 14:36:52

I can see how you would feel that way, but your DH would presumably at some point in the near future have had to take £40 (or whatever it was) out of your joint bank account to reimburse his brother for the tickets, so although the emotional effect is negative, practically speaking, yes, you have been paid for the cake you made.

RhiWrites Tue 09-Feb-16 14:39:59

That was kind of tacky of him. He could have told you in advance that your DH owed him money. But the net effect is the same. You'd have (jointly) had to pay the money anyway.

Lweji Tue 09-Feb-16 14:39:59

What do you do with your payments?

TheWitTank Tue 09-Feb-16 14:40:00

Just ask your DH. He owes his brother money. It was a sneaky way to go about getting it back, but I can see why he did it if your DH has been holding off giving it back. You have joint accounts, you would have paid out money to BIL eventually (I presume!) anyway -surely the end result is the same?

What2 Tue 09-Feb-16 14:40:22

Sounds like you were played but I can see your DBILs point of view and I can't see why you think you've been unfairly treated as you and your partners finances are shared.

OohMavis Tue 09-Feb-16 14:40:59

I texted him when he left, he'd completely forgotten. The show was last year and BIL hadn't asked for the money back. They do it all the time to eachother, BIL owed us £300 for two years once!

The bigger picture of course is that we haven't lost money, but I certainly would have made money if I'd taken the paying order instead of BIL's.

catsmother Tue 09-Feb-16 14:41:12

I got the impression though that the OP had spent, say, 5 hours making a cake at a discounted rate because he was family. If she's busy this time of year, she could have made more money by using that time to fulfil a bona fide order which in turn would have placed more money into their joint coffers. In other words, BIL has tricked her into using her time in a not so cost effective way.

The fact her DH owes BIL money is a separate issue.

OohMavis Tue 09-Feb-16 14:42:18

I pay them into my account Lweji.

Lweji Tue 09-Feb-16 14:44:58

You didn't make money because your oh owed him money.
If he had paid earlier, you'd have made money, but the bank balance would be the same.
You decided to give him a discount rate.
Even if you had taken the other order, the net balance would have been the same. Plus a bit more for not being a discount.

JohnLuther Tue 09-Feb-16 14:45:19

YANBU I'd be pissed off, it's between your DH and BIL if DH owes him money, your cake business is separate.

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