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Seeing people socially

(11 Posts)
gandalf456 Tue 09-Feb-16 11:48:03

I work shifts (20 hours per week)which means that a lot of the time during the week I am at home on my own while the kids are in school. At the weekend I'm often working or very tired. I also do a couple of evenings. I catch up on chores at the beginning of the week and generally feel knackered Monday or Tuesday. Sometimes I work the odd day or two as well.

I often find that I just don't fancy meeting up with people that often. I do enjoy it now and then and do miss it when I haven't been out for a while or seen anyone in a while.

I'm just checking if I'm unusual really. I have this friend whose kids have just started school and we got on fine but she seems to want to meet up every week. I have had to put her off because I know I would just find it too much. I just said I was a bit busy. I wasn't rude at all.

From what I hear though it's really common for people to meet up on a weekly basis. Am I being antisocial or do I have less time than even I think

EponasWildDaughter Tue 09-Feb-16 11:54:08

Hmmmm. I'm an antisocial moo so i hear you re: once a week feeling too much.

However - lots of people do like once a week meet ups, and to be honest, if i don't make a firm plan to meet someone very regularly the friendship tends to fizzle out.

gandalf456 Tue 09-Feb-16 14:00:15

How often do you meet your friends?

GreyBird84 Tue 09-Feb-16 14:12:57

I'm similar to you OP.
But The less I do the more anxious I get about doing things so I would make a point of meeting someone every other week.

I have confidence, Heath & weight issues though& they affect me more than people realise.
I worry when DS (and hopefully subsequent DC) are grown up & my parents are no longer all I will have is DH.

Lozislovely Tue 09-Feb-16 14:13:10

I'm in a similar boat. I commute a fair bit for work, try to get out jogging twice a week, go to a Zumba class and come the weekend I am pooped. Then there's all the housework and stuff to catch up on.

I have a friend who works in the same company as me so we'll meet up in the office for a coffee now and then. We've tried to arrange a night out for what seems like months, but she's busy too. We certainly don't fall out over it, just understand each others situation.

But, I have another friend who retired last year. I seem to have to check in with her all the time, get 'I miss you' messages, 'I don't see you any more'. I haven't seen her since September but there's been a long list of reasons, illness, family reasons, just too darn knackered. Not to mention she's a drama queen and I really don't want to spend my free time being bought into idle gossip and dramas.

I do go to the pub every Friday night and its quite informal but we tend to meet up with the same friends each week.

I don't want to be held to ransom by friends who think there's a timetable for meet ups.

nosleepat10 Tue 09-Feb-16 14:44:15

No, you're not antisocial. Some people just love seeing other people all the time and some don't. Some people simply have more energy than others as well. I would love to see or phone my friends more often, but there is only so much you can do in a day. I wouldn't worry about it. Meet friends when you're up for it, then you know you'll both have a better time as you actually want to be there! Pushing yourself in the long run won't work ime.

OzzieFem Tue 09-Feb-16 16:27:56

I don't think you are antisocial. My sister and her family live less than 5 mins drive or 20 min walk from my place and despite being close it may be two or three weeks before I speak to her or vs versa.

Even if I joined a hobby/club etc.that I was passionate about and it had weekly meetings, that I would be expected to attend, it would soon become a chore rather than a pleasure.

gandalf456 Thu 11-Feb-16 11:35:48

Thank you. I was half expecting to be flamed and I feel a bit guilty. Said friend has not texted back even though I'd said I'd be happy to meet after half term. She is currently job hunting and both children are now at school so I think she is a bit of a loose end. I would probably be happier meeting different people once a week but maybe not the same one. Thing is, I am absolutely happy and relieved to be just able to potter today and, yesterday, I've been so tired with work and getting the kids organised with things going on at school and out and the house, I feel asleep for two hours so I must have been in the wrong frame of mind.

redexpat Thu 11-Feb-16 13:52:41

We all need down time, otherwise we burn out. And we only have a finite amount of time and energy. You simply have to decide what is most important to you, and spend your time and energy on that. You wouldnt spend money on something you werent really bothered by, so why spend anything else?

AlpacaMyThings Thu 11-Feb-16 14:12:55

I'm unsociable. I hate the feeling I've got to meet up and pretend to be having a fantastic time when actually Id rather be on my own, in my PJs with a cuppa and MN.

Ozzie - you a right, it can become a chore, esp if said friends are drama queens and you are expected to ooh and aah. Or like my MIL, its the same conversation you've already had earlier in the week.

nosleepat10 Mon 15-Feb-16 18:28:44

Yes, i too prefer to see different people, not the same people every week. I have one friend who i know would like to see me every week, but she doesn't expect that from me or others. Friends should still like to see you if you offer an alternative, but i think if you have said after half-term, she may simply not get in touch till the end of half-term. Or she may be someone who does want more regular contact and she might seek out other friends who want that too. You can't change who you are though because of other people's expectations. Hope she'll be in touch, op, and you can meet up every few weeks maybe.

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