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to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

(429 Posts)
dahlink Tue 09-Feb-16 10:57:31

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? grin

formerbabe Tue 09-Feb-16 10:59:37


FrozenPonds Tue 09-Feb-16 11:00:21

It scans terribly.

Unless you want him to think you are up for an affair (and are semi- literate) I would not do it.

redhat Tue 09-Feb-16 11:00:42

Technically its sexual harassment. Do NOT send things like this to work colleagues. You could be sacked.

PurpleDaisies Tue 09-Feb-16 11:01:11

Just hideous. Don't do it.

usual Tue 09-Feb-16 11:01:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dahlink Tue 09-Feb-16 11:02:02

My op quite clearly states I'm not in a relationship and neither is he. And who are you calling illiterate?! grin

dahlink Tue 09-Feb-16 11:02:32

Ok. Fair do's.

bornwithaplasticspoon Tue 09-Feb-16 11:02:34

This is a joke, right?

WileHallion Tue 09-Feb-16 11:03:00

Oh god.

I don't think I've ever cringed so hard.

RaptorsCantPlayPoker Tue 09-Feb-16 11:03:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooMuchOfEverything Tue 09-Feb-16 11:03:14


MaidOfStars Tue 09-Feb-16 11:04:03

It's terrible.

SalemSaberhagen Tue 09-Feb-16 11:04:54

You missed the chance to rhyme silly with willy.

For that alone YABU.

murphys Tue 09-Feb-16 11:05:08



Thanks OP, you just made my day....

ClashCityRocker Tue 09-Feb-16 11:05:16

If a male sent that to a female colleague, what do you think the reaction would be?

Also, it will probably end up going totally around the office, being ripped to shreds and lots of fuel for gossip.

Don't do it. The phrase 'to rub my rude bits in your beard' is not an appetising thought.

JassyRadlett Tue 09-Feb-16 11:05:20

Oh fuck no.

I got an anonymous Valentine at work once, it was beyond creepy.

And that's not a 'saucy poem'. There's no innuendo there, it's basically a proposition. And in any decent workplace it would count as sexual harassment.

Jw35 Tue 09-Feb-16 11:06:05

It's cringey! Do you really just want a shag with no strings? Makes you sound like an easy lay. Makes you look cheap. Sorry

MTPurse Tue 09-Feb-16 11:06:34

OMG Don't send it!

ClashCityRocker Tue 09-Feb-16 11:06:47

Although it did make me chuckle.

And yes, silly needs to rhyme with willie!

gaggiagirl Tue 09-Feb-16 11:07:03

FFS No! Just no, that's just......NO!
I think its awful, if I had a flirtation with someone and received that I would feel really shit about myself. Like I'm not worth getting to know but my face is fine to be sat on. Grim.

acasualobserver Tue 09-Feb-16 11:07:19

It's another 'no' from me. Anyone advising you to send that card really doesn't want the best for you.

usual Tue 09-Feb-16 11:07:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JohnLuther Tue 09-Feb-16 11:08:21

It's funny but no don't do it.

SmellsLikeMiddleAgeSpirit Tue 09-Feb-16 11:09:07

I am gobsmacked.
Why would anyone, even as a joke, want to send this to someone? Do you really think anyone would like it, or that it would make you attractive to them?

Beyond vulgar.

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