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To think DP should pay me more attention

(28 Posts)
Sallycinnamon17 Mon 08-Feb-16 21:35:13

DP is constantly playing games on his PlayStation, it's got excessively worse the past few weeks to the point where he's on it till the early hours of the morning. A typical evening now consists of me sitting on my own being ignored while he plays away on it for hours, it even starting to effect our social life, he's always in a hurry to get home to play!. I've just brought the subject up with him and he's acting completely clueless and doesn't see the problem!!.
Sorry for the rant, I needed to vent.

Kiwiinkits Mon 08-Feb-16 21:40:49

Uh. Computer games, total turn-off. Tell him you don't want to f**k someone who acts like a little boy.
He's still a DP, not a DH. You've got the chance to decide whether this is the person you want to be with. For me, gaming addiction would be as much of a deal breaker as an alcohol or drug addiction or an addiction to a smartphone. Because relationships are nothing without communication. And that requires presence in the real world.

gamerchick Mon 08-Feb-16 21:58:28

It's not the gaming it's the behaviour. Obsession with something, anything to that point kills off a relationship.

I'm not sure what you can do other than make your plans to leave. I'm assuming there's no kids.

Seriouslyffs Mon 08-Feb-16 22:04:45

Dump him already.

Sallycinnamon17 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:13:31

I'm so close to snapping, I have a lot of Paitence but this is pushing me to my limit. I'd say this is only a small part of an overall bigger problem, just wanting to sort things out really. We've had children but unfortunately they're angels now.

Seriouslyffs Tue 09-Feb-16 10:13:05

So sorry Sally flowers

He's not a keeper.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 09-Feb-16 10:16:58

I'm sorry for your losses Sally
I can't empathise but it must so so hard.
If you have no ties then get out now.
This won't improve.
You could try if you think it might work.
From what you have written I'm not sure anything will work.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 09-Feb-16 10:19:10

I couldn't put up with this - adults obsessed with gaming are so unattractive

Have either of you had help dealing with your losses? I wonder if your DP is escaping from the world because he can't deal with his feelings? I can imagine that is the last thing you need but maybe you are both dealing with difficult feelings in different ways that don't support each other.

MsVestibule Tue 09-Feb-16 10:19:50

So I presume you've been together a long time? If this behaviour continued, it would be a deal breaker for me. What's the point in being in a relationship if gaming is more important than spending any time with you? If he doesn't even acknowledge that there's a problem, he's not likely to change any time soon.

What are the other problems? Have you considered counselling?

honeysucklejasmine Tue 09-Feb-16 10:24:58

Gaming is no better or worse than any other hobby a partner might have. Not sure why it has such a bad rep. hmm

The problem starts if the hobby interferes in the relationship, which it is now doing.

OP do you think there's anything to be gained by talking to him again? How is your relationship otherwise?

Lightbulbon Tue 09-Feb-16 10:27:21

What is he-14?

Dump dump dump

Costacoffeeplease Tue 09-Feb-16 10:31:18

It has a bad rep because it's not a 'hobby' which has any practical benefit - you don't get exercise, don't make anything - just sit and stare at a screen and get rsi

It's a childish thing that most people grow out of - to still be obsessed as an adult, to the exclusion of your partner, is someone to be avoided

Leigh1980 Tue 09-Feb-16 10:33:49

What's wrong with adults gaming? What are adults meant to do, just sit there?They're mostly over 18 restricted anyway designed for adults. I love gaming 🤔

Costacoffeeplease Tue 09-Feb-16 10:38:17

So it's gaming or nothing? Ok

gamerchick Tue 09-Feb-16 13:46:19

No there's a middle ground as with any hobby. ANY hobby done to excess can make a relationship suffer to the point of splitting up.

Getting snarly and insulting over something that doesn't appeal to you makes a person frankly strange... Well either that or they lack the necessary skills needed to play a game which need a lot of concentration and hand eye coordination and hide it behind aggression.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 09-Feb-16 13:50:14

Well either that or they lack the necessary skills needed to play a game which need a lot of concentration and hand eye coordination and hide it behind aggression.

Yes that is rather snarly and insulting I agree

I've done my fair share of gaming in the past - never to the exclusion of my partner, and not now I've grown up

Jibberjabberjooo Tue 09-Feb-16 13:50:49

What's wrong with adults gaming? What are adults meant to do, just sit there?

Talk to each other, rather than just ignoring your partner?

gamerchick Tue 09-Feb-16 14:14:49

i think when you compare, there are more people on here who think they're somewhat superior for a reason they can't explain about gamers find they ignore their partners or indeed their kids while they sit on mumsnet for a chunk of time each day. More than anyone would like to admit probably, than there are gamers who don't do it to obsession levels wink

The bloke in the OP is a cock that needs to be dumped.. He doesn't represent all gamers.

Any excuse for a dig though I understand.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 09-Feb-16 14:15:49

Jolly good

kardashianklone Tue 09-Feb-16 14:40:54

Mine did this. Would make us hurry home from outings, visits etc so he could play his stupid games. He would play 'strategy' games, and then argue that it wasn't 'as bad' as Call of Duty or other ridiculous computer games, because he was 'using his brain'. My heart would sink when early on a Saturday morning (around 6am ish) he would fire up the computer, meaning that he planned on being in front of it all day. He would be on it every evening too. He would claim that 'but I'm willing to go out and do whatever you want' if I complained about him being on the computer so much. But he would never organise the outing, so if I wanted to do something, I would have to organise (and pay) for it (which became boring and exhausting, having to think and plan things that he would like to do), and if I didn't, then he could 'justifiably' say that he was 'only' in front of the computer because nothing was planned. Even then, seconds out of the house, he would be planning our return- I knew it was because he just wanted to get back on the computer. Towards the end I just planned things that I wanted to do, and occupied myself all weekend, away from him. He didn't really notice. He seemed to think he was in front of it for minutes, rather than hours. Even worse, it was a big old style computer and so took up the entire kitchen table, and he would lose his temper big time if he had to move it. So we ate off our laps in front of the tv for the last couple of years as I couldn't bear the argument to ask him to move it from the table. The one time I hired a cleaner, she unplugged his computer to plug in a hoover, and he flew into such a rage, she left in a hurry, in tears. The day before I dumped him, he had been on that sodding machine for 15 hours straight. We are both in our early 30's- I looked into the future and saw him gradually regressing and spending more and more time on the computer, playing stupid, twatty games. And if I were to ever have kids with him, they would be all my responsibility while he wasted his life for a virtual one. I will never, ever, date another man who plays computer games that obsessively. I think men who do that are some how reverting to their teenage/childhood years, where they had no responsibility, and can just 'play'. Women don't have that luxury. We have the wife work, and the 'being an adult' to contend with. Its just a younger, modern version of these sad old men that lock themselves in a shed and play with trains. Women don't tend to lock themselves in sheds and play with Barbies, or the Fashion Wheel, or Popples. I look around on my commuting train, and then number of men (women too, but by far more men) playing stupid candy crush or other time wasting bullshit games, inching towards more stupidity and manchildish-ness minute by minute. Wasting their lives. Read a book! Read the news! Organise your diary! Pay attention to the woman in your life!

Seriouslyffs Tue 09-Feb-16 16:53:35

kardashianklone flowers

I hope life is good now.

honeysucklejasmine Tue 09-Feb-16 17:41:54

confused So a hobby is only worth having if its constructive? I play classical instruments. On my own. I don't create anything new, I play music that has existed for hundreds of years. I don't improve it in any way and I don't get any physical benefits from it. I just enjoy how it sounds.

When my husband plays computer games, he has a head set on, talking to his mates from uni who live all over the country. It's far more social than me banging away at my clarinet.

But the thing is neither of us do it excessively. We are both happy with the amount of time we devote to our hobbies.

OPs problem is not that she's with a gamer, it's that she is with a self absorbed, oblivious idiot.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 09-Feb-16 18:05:22

Of course playing music is creating something - or is your clarinet silent?

Sallycinnamon17 Tue 09-Feb-16 18:54:52

It's not the gaming I have a problem with, my OP is about how obsessive he has become with it and how it's taking over our relationship to the point where we hardly spend anytime together. I'll admit I'm a bit of a gamer too, mainly on my phone but I do enjoy these things. A few hours here and there does not bother me. We had a semi serious chat last night and I think he's realised how I'm feeling about it all. I'm starting to think that maybe it is his way of dealing with our losses (only very recently happened), this never really Occured to me before and maybe we need to chat about this more.

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