My mum suffers with severe depression and all her life she has only had one trusted friend. They have been friends for 40 years. I remember this lady being a fixture of my childhood in that she'd come round for coffee, we'd all go for walks etc. Mum rarely leaves the house other than to meet up with me or this friend.
Yesterday we found out my mum's friend had died suddenly; it was totally out of the blue.
My mum has gone to pieces and I am struggling to deal with it too. I keep crying but feel like a fraud as she was my mother's friend not mine. I feel so desperately sad that she died the way she did, alone and outside in the cold, and I feel my mother's heartbreak.
Am I being the worst kind of grief jumper? AIBU to be so overwhelmed with sadness at the death of a lady I personally hadn't actually seen in years?
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
To be so upset by this death?
LavenderLedge · 08/02/2016 17:18
If you're sad, you're sad. This lady sounds like she has been very good to your Mum for a very long time, I think it's understandable that you feel very upset by her death, particularly if it wasn't peaceful. 
She sounds like an Aunt, YANBU to be sad yourself. Wrapped up in your grief will be even more sadness for your mother.
Sorry for both of your losses
Sudden death is awful op my dsil.was found dead last yr it was just awful completely out of the blue
YABVU to even consider beating yourself up about this.
You are entitled to feel a sense of loss about someone who has shown your mum kindness and been what seems like a wonderful friend.
Also, if this lady has passed away in tragic circumstances then it will have been a terrible shock for you.
Please don't feel bad about your grief OP. Whether you hadn't seen her in years or not, she has been an important part of your mother's life and yours because of this.
I hope you feel better soon OP and I
Hope your mum is ok
I haven't heard that expression "grief jumper" before, but in my experience a person's death can genuinely affect many, many people.
As a PP said if you're sad you're sad.
Understandable to be so if you knew someone well in childhood even if you haven't seen them so much in recent years
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
You are not a fraud.
She was your Mum's friend, she was important to your Mum, and she sounds like a nice person. You remember her fondly from your childhood and she was a good support to your Mum even now. It also sounds like she died in bad circumstances, and I'm sorry about that.
I think you sound really nice, and as though you have a lot of empathy for people, and that's a good thing. You are sad that a good person has died unexpectedly, and in upsetting circumstances, and I think that's a normal and natural reaction.
for you and your mum.
Yanbu. My parents have a huge group of friends ive known pretty much all my life. Some i havent seen for years. If one of them died id be really upset as my parents have spoken about them on a regular basis and when i lived at home i saw them on a regular basis. Your mums friend sounds similar. She is important person in your life. x
My goodness I was thinking about my mums best friend today. She died 25 years ago and my mum 20 but it brought a tear to my eye.
She made my mum laugh so much!
You must feel v sad op
I've always been saddened whenever any good friend of my parents died. My dad's best friend from childhood died last year - I had never met him (he lived in Italy and had been unwell for years), but just seeing my dad in pieces was enough to upset me. You care about your mum immensely OP, so you are bound to share sadness, grief, anything. Goes with the territory. You also sound like a lovely person. Your mum is lucky to have you and hopefully you'll be able to get through this grief together, remembering and talking about her friend
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