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More of a WWYD - fellow wedding guest wants my dress!

(278 Posts)
TheSeptemberIssue Mon 08-Feb-16 13:14:57

Went on a hen do last weekend for a friends wedding. There were a few of us there, one being a woman I've met a few times before. She's lovely, we got on great etc....

I mentioned that I'd found the dress I was going to buy for the wedding, and showed it to her online. It's from a plus size website despite me being a size 14 (is that plus size??).

Got a message yesterday from this woman asking if I'd consider changing my dress choice. She is probably a size 22/24 and was saying she finds it really hard to find clothes that fit and look nice on her and she's been feeling really anxious about the wedding because of this. Turns out she's ordered the dress, it fits and she loves it. It was a very nice messaging but I'm still a bit - hmmmmmm because I love it too!

Fortunately I haven't ordered it (was waiting for payday at the end of this month) so I can change my mind but I'm not sure I want to. Just because I'm a smaller size, doesn't mean I don't have similar dress worries and anxiety about looking nice!


Roseberrry Mon 08-Feb-16 13:16:34

I'm too soft and I'd feel bad saying no, so I'd swap.

ZiggyFartdust Mon 08-Feb-16 13:17:12

If you don't want to wear the same dress as another guest, get something else. If you don't care about that, wear the dress.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Mon 08-Feb-16 13:17:23

I'd buy it, wear it, and make sure people knew she nicked the idea from me!

I have enough hang ups of my own without being expected to accommodate everybody else's.

rageagainsttheBIL Mon 08-Feb-16 13:19:01

That's pretty cheeky of her, but as a size 14 you'll have a lot more choice than her so to avoid the risk of you turning up in identical outfits I'd look for something else quickly. If you can't find anything in the next week then let her know.

ridemesideways Mon 08-Feb-16 13:19:19

Don't change it. You found it first and she won't be at your wedding to be embarrassed by the fact, presumably.

Grilledaubergines Mon 08-Feb-16 13:20:23

Find out what colour shoes/bag etc she's wearing and choose something different to that. Reply saying you totally understand as you have low confidence re your appearance too and this is the only dress you felt good in.

ImperialBlether Mon 08-Feb-16 13:20:45

Actually I think being a smaller size does mean you don't have the same worries! If you are a size 14 you can buy from literally anywhere; this woman can't.

I don't think she's gone about it the right way, but I think it would be a kind gesture to let her have the dress.

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara Mon 08-Feb-16 13:20:55

Hold on, she ordered the dress AFTER you showed it to her??
How bloody rude!

I would tell her no, maybe even lie about having ordered it already.

Cheeky mare!

Chattymummyhere Mon 08-Feb-16 13:21:06

I would lie and tell her you had already ordered it and removed the tags so sadly you cannot return it.

It's hard for loads of people to find outfits that fit and suit them you don't go and buy the same dress that someone else is getting for the same event when they have showed you it, that's just bad manners.

ridemesideways Mon 08-Feb-16 13:21:11

Oops, misread. What Ziggy said. Very unreasonable behaviour from this woman though.

scarednoob Mon 08-Feb-16 13:22:05

I've been that size - it is hard to find nice smart things. Most of my friends' weddings feature me hiding at the back in trousers and a baggy top. It's not nice to feel like that, and it probably cost get a lot to ask you. So personally I would let her have it.

However, there is no way you should feel obliged to - you saw it first; you love it too; she's not a close friend or the bride; there are other options like Anna Scholtz for her. You would not be U to say no.

Baressentials Mon 08-Feb-16 13:22:19

Aw I would say no problem and find something else. It must have taken huge guts for her to ask you and as a size 14 you will have more options than her. See it as your selfless a act for the day flowers

gamerchick Mon 08-Feb-16 13:22:23

I wouldn't. Even though it's the same dress it will look different on both of you as you're not nearly the same size as each other.

WickedWax Mon 08-Feb-16 13:23:38

I'd reply saying "you find it hard to find clothes - yup I know that feeling! Which is exactly is why I'm wearing the dress you've copied. I'm sure we'll both accessorise it and wear it in our own unique way winklooking forward to the day, see you there".

I'd wear, and fucking rock, the dress. And probably tell anyone that mentioned it that she only bought it after she'd found out is bought it first.

JohnLuther Mon 08-Feb-16 13:24:05

Hell no, she's being cheeky.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Mon 08-Feb-16 13:24:10

Imperial - the worries may not be identical, but they're certainly there! I'm a size 12-14 with a flabby tummy and no boobs to speak of whatsoever. Trust me, if I found a dress I felt good in I wouldn't give two hoots about anyone else!

Branleuse Mon 08-Feb-16 13:24:13

id let her wear it and get a different one. No big deal. It was cheeky of her, but shes been honest and confided that she has been really worried about this. I think id let it go

SqueakyCyclops Mon 08-Feb-16 13:24:35

How far away is the wedding? Have you tried the dress on or just seen it and liked it online? I personally would choose a different dress. At a size 14 you can buy something from the majority of retailers. When I was a size 18 finding a flattering dress for a wedding was one of the worst experiences of my life, and if I could spare someone else from feeling like that then I would

CakeNinja Mon 08-Feb-16 13:24:59

Choices are either carry on and wear the dress anyway, another guest wearing the same dress as you will surely have little (if any) impact on your day as a wedding guest.
Or alternatively find something else to wear.

You can debate it all day long as to who has the most choice/that's not your problem/who has the most disposable income to buy more dresses/who got it first/who saw it first/who is the most body confident etc etc etc, but the options will be the same - wear it anyway, or wear something else.

I'd just wear it personally.

WileHallion Mon 08-Feb-16 13:25:10

I'd wear the dress.

It's not your fault she's fat and has 'limited choice'.

She's also a cheeky mare for stealing your dress idea.

AlwaysHopeful1 Mon 08-Feb-16 13:25:19

What I think you should do is say it's too late you've bought it and will be wearing it, she will feel awkward probably because of how shes going to look compared to you. Deserves it for the cheek of buying it and then telling you after.

What I would probably do is just find another dress, knowing it's she's much more limited at her size. Next time don't tell people before hand in case sneaky ones like this do that to you.

SenecaFalls Mon 08-Feb-16 13:25:20

I would let her have it and get something else for the wedding.

WhatchaMaCalllit Mon 08-Feb-16 13:25:54

Does she know that you haven't bought it yet? If she does and she has bought the dress, then I think you'll have to pick something different.

You've learned though that you give away absolutely nothing when it comes to what you're going to wear etc. to a wedding to another invited guest though so that's something.

TheClacksAreDown Mon 08-Feb-16 13:26:01

I'm confused. If she had ordered it before you showed it to her then I'm gracefully let her have it as "hers" - on the basis that she got there first and realistically you will have a much broader option of dresses. If she hadn't seen it until you showed it to her as being "your" dress then I think that is pretty different.

Is there any compromise such as getting the dress in a different colour?

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