Friends keep forgetting/ignoring my birthday

[LAB123]

I know this is not a major issue but I'm feeling annoyed. Recently celebrated my birthday (not a big one, I'm in my 30s) and quite a few friends seem to have just totally forgotten about it. I'm really organised about birthdays and have them all in my diary and send cards to all my friends and their kids for birthdays. Then when it's mine they don't even text, email or anything. I just feel a bit pissed off about it and maybe I'm the idiot for bothering with theirs. Are birthdays just supposed to be ignored over the age of 16? Should I just ignore their birthdays from now on or carry on sending cards?

Sorry I realise this sounds pathetic but I just wonder if this is a sign of how little they care.

[theycallmemellojello]

Yeah, sorry, unless you organise a drinks get together the majority of people won't remember. I would expect best friends to remember, others not. It's normal in your 30s. You should stick it on facebook or organise a party if you want recognition. But most adults don't send birthday cards to all their friends, so you'll be disappointed if you hold out for this.

[Xmasbaby11]

Op I'm like you. I naturally remember friends birthdays and enjoying choosing and writing cards. It would be an effort for me to ignore a birthday.

I have come to accept that most of my friends are not like this and I try not to take it personally.

[sooperdooper]

I never remember friends birthdays - unless they've arranged some kind of get together I wouldn't send a card. Some of my friends do but the majority are the same as me! It's nothing personal but life's busy and adults birthdays just get forgotten

[BackInTheRealWorld]

I only remember friends birthdays if they invite me to celebrate it with them.

[Seriouslyffs]

Same. I consider myself 'reasonably beloved' but don't expect any outside immediate family.

[Soooosie]

Best friends remember. Usually have drinks in a wine bar and others will send cards too

Can you start sending ecards. Cheaper, less effort, more environmental and quick delivery

[Xmasbaby11]

Noone else has a birthday book? I check mine regularly and must send at least 5-10 every month. I thought that was normal! But I love an excuse to get in touch with friends or family.

[AlwaysHopeful1]

Yanbu, I have a few very close friends and it's no excuse to not remember the date. We always call each other. It's not difficult to set a few date reminders on your phone either.

[SlinkyB]

YANBU. I'm exactly like you, and get pissed off when others don't reciprocate (tho more so when they don't send cards to my kids). Cards cost about 59p in the cheap shops, so it's not like it's expensive.

[Basketofchocolate]

I blame technology! Those of us who used to have to write to each other in the olden days do tend to keep in better touch with birthday cards. Newer friends who I've only ever known in the days of email and social media tend not to bother. I don't have my birthday on FB and last year was told by a friend that 'how was anyone supposed to know' it was my birthday if it wasn't on there....!?!?!

I also think adult birthdays have become less important. People eat out a lot more often or go out to have a nice drink or something more easily so no need to save it up for a special occasion/excuse to go out in the way my parents had to.

Christmas and birthdays growing up were occasions that were almost needed in order to be treated to something nice by a husband or sister whereas these days most of my friends who want a new bracelet or something will just buy it? It's late, so this is prob a terrible explanation.

I still send cards with a note inside, but am never sure how well they are received but still think they are worth more than the 'Have a great day!' on FB which is pretty meaningless as it takes no effort at all.

[CottonFrock]

Best friends certainly don't necessarily remember! I only know the month of my closest friend's birthday, and we've never sent one another cards or presents. It's no sign of a lack of feeling, I'm just not birthday-minded, my own or other people.

You like to mark other people's birthdays, OP, which is your prerogative, but you can't expect it to work on a reciprocal basis. Your friends may, like me, find the whole thing a bit juvenile after you hit adulthood.

[AlmaMartyr]

I know most of my friends birthdays off by heart but I don't send cards. I'll sometimes drop them a text/email but not always. I honestly don't expect it from others either. I only expect birthday cards from close family really, unless I've arranged something. I keep in touch with friends in other ways :)

[TooMuchOfEverything]

I only really do Facebook birthdays and things I am invited to. I don't want my friends to spend their energy on remembering my birthday, choosing/buying/writing/posting card - we are all juggling so many things as it is.
DH and kids on the other hand - well I expect them to treat me like royalty for the day.

[BackforGood]

Yes, YABU. As an adult, I only expect cards from my immediate family unless it's a "big birthday" and I organise a party.

Most people have enough to do in life keeping up with the dc in their lives, and their close family. Only give cards to friends if they've arranged something specifically with you to celebrate their birthday.

[LAB123]

Thank you everyone. I know everyone has different attitudes to this. DH thinks I'm mad for sending cards even when they're for his family. Even though I work and have DC I still manage it because it's important to me. Others just don't see it as an issue so I won't be offended in future.

[Katenka]

Honestly I don't get excited about people's birthdays. My kids, Dh, mum and dad I do.

But if I cards for everyone I would always be at it. Personally I don't get why adults put so much stock in their birthday.


A friend of mine organises a meal for her family, her husbands family and all their friends and their children. About 50 people in all every year.

Numbers dropped so, as her dds birthday is the week after she started have a joint party for her and her dd even though it's always in the weekend near her birthday not the dds.

Numbers are dropping again. It's all a bit cringy sat in a put watching a 36 year old in a hat, opening her presents. While her 3 year old sits with her grandparents.

[willconcern]

A "birthday book"? What?

I don't remember birthdays of friends unless they have a party/drinks etc.

I get cards & a gift for my partner, my DCs, my parents, and my siblings.

[whois]

If you want people to make a big deal (or even remember) your birthday you have to make a big deal. Organise drinks or a meal. Post on FB. Tell people you're looking forward to your birthday.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

After 28 years of friendship, me and closest friend have never forgotten each others birthdays.

It depends on the level of friendship.

[sayatidaknama]

I don't think many people do birthdays now, even for DC, unless they are specifically invited to something to celebrate it. Social media has changed things. Cards are becoming a thing of the past ime.

[GloGirl]

If you're not on Facebook and don't organise a celebration for it then basically you never age in my brain, sorry.

[lazyleo]

This is me! It goes to another level with me though I was brought to believe that a birthday falls on a specific day - and cards should be sent to be with that person on that day. Not three days later when you see them at the weekend. Presents can wait but what does it take to put a card in the post box? I have to say I am a bit lax in sending cards nowadays, they aren't always as on time as I'd like, but they do get there. There are certain friends who I know just never send cards on time, and thats just people, they all have their quirks. As an adult it doesn't bother me, but when the kids don't get cards on time that bothers me (and there I refer to family and close friends only, not the 30 classmates that are coming to the party because, shock horror, yu can't exclude anyone nowadays!!!) Those close friends who don't always send cards on the date, always contact me by fb or text, so you know the thought is there and that's what matters. Just an acknowledgement of the day. Cards and snail mail are a bit old school now, so a techy one is equally acceptable in my view :D

[pottymummy]

I dont do birthday cards unless its family, children, or theres an 'event'. I might say happy birthday on fb if they are on there. I certainly don't care if I don't get cards or an acknowledgement. I'm a grownup. Its not a big deal.

[Hihohoho1]

Sorry op friends sending me birthday cards would piss me off as would make me feel bad as I never remember theirs.

I find adults doing this for other adults a bit wierd
And needy to be honest. Like they want to be thanked or praised.

Don't forget family kids but don't bother with friends kids.

Sending a card goes not equal being a friend.

Life to busy.

However you sound nicer than me op.

[Thurlow]

I never remember birthdays either. Even if they're in the calendar I tend to forget them. I never get cards in time, or get a card and don't have a stamp, or I remember in the morning and think I really must text them and then don't...

It's not personal at all. I love them all dearly but I'm just not one of those people who remembers to send cards. Possibly because I don't think much about my own birthday - not that I think people shouldn't, but it probably means other people's birthdays are low down on my priorities too.